Easy Is the Descent

One Year Later

As she shoved the last of her belongings into a cardboard box she quickly scanned the room to make sure that there was nothing else left in the room. Satisfied she smiled to herself, grabbed her suitcase and the box full of memories and half finished craft projects, she smiled. She was free.

Free from the asylum, free from him but mostly she was free from herself. And it was the most amazing feeling ever.

This is what we strive to be, she told herself.

Nell had been released into the care of her parents six months back with the warning that her sarcastic tongue would cut her own throat.

Heaven had been quite proud of the younger girl when she hadn't snarled back that if her throat was going to be cut it would be done with a razor blade and not something as redundant as a muscle.

Of course Heaven had to listen to Nell rant for the next hour while her mother (who refused to step a foot inside the building) stood outside impatiently waiting for her daughter to leave.
Finally Nell's mom had kicked the door open and shouted that the young girl had to the count of eight to get in the car or she was leaving with out her.

Nell had rushed out shouting "sorry but she really will" behind her. Heaven didn't have to wonder where the springy little kid's volitile moods came from.

And now there Heaven was, the last one of the group, waiting for the final papers to be filed so she could leave. She'd no idea where she was headed. Tarra and Frank had kept up their suggestion of living with them in Jersey. It had sounded good at the time. But it had been a month since Heaven had heard from the couple and she had pushed the idea away as nothing more than a dream.

She signed on the dotted line and was all ready to go, bag in one hand box in the other when Dr. Roberts came running up to her.

"Heaven!" he shouted, a little out of breath, "You don't want to forget this, do you? One of the attendings found it under your bed."

And he was stacking her journal on top of everything else in the box. She looked down at it queerly. She hadn't seen it since Gerard's birthday, when she had kicked it under her bed and forgotten about it.

Stepping outside the front doors she resisted the urge to look back. There was no one there for her. Dr. Roberts had called a cab for her and it was sitting patiently for her in the driveway. But before she could toddle her way to the door of the cab her things were being snatched from her arms and she was being led to a car. And suddenly Tarra was chatting happily at her, and Heaven was sooo not catching a damn thing her friend was saying.

"Slow down, Tarra...what!?" Heaven finally shouted as she was shoved into the back of a blue Jeep.

"I said, sorry we haven't called lately butittookforevertogetyourroomreadyforyou!" Tarra said with the largest grin Heaven had seen in a really long time.

"She's been like that for a while," Frank laughed from the driver's seat, "We stopped at Starbucks a few miles back."

And then he was pressing on the accelerator and Heaven was scrambling to buckle up and laughing at the same time. They sped out of the driveway and turned a sharp left.

"Speed limit!" she cried from the back seat as they edged 90.

"Better to go out in a blaze of glory," Frank laughed maniacally.

"Better to go out with the taste of cotton candy in your mouth," Heaven teased and they all laughed as Frank slowed down to 75.

"Now I'm only speeding by 5 mph," he said, "That's what we call a compromise."

Heaven shook her head at her two friends and watched the scenery go by. After two hours in the back of the car she was bored. She dug through her box and finally settled on her diary.
She pulled open the front cover and attempted to smooth out the bent pages with her hands. She read through the first couple of pages laughing at her stupidity at the things she had written.

Tarra and Frank were singing along with Iron Maiden. Tarra turned the music down and turned to look at her.

"What's up?" she smiled at her friend. Heaven held up the diary, pointing to the page before beginning to read.

Today in group therapy Minnie told the group about how as a child her great aunt was a smoker. And when she would go to her aunt's house her aunt would put her cigarrettes out on Minnie's thighs. The counsellor was crying so hard she had to excuse herself from the room.
Later when I asked Minnie if the story was true she shrugged and said, "The truth is only what other people believe."
Then she smirked and said, "Of course, My Great Aunt died when I was six months old."

The car burst into laughter and Heaven opened to another page and read:

Nell always says that diplomacy is the best policy. I can see how she could be correct.
But I'm a little confused. Does that mean that Nell is being diplomatic when she grabs Dr. Roberts by the collar and tells him that no, she does not want to talk about it, and if he were 'fuckin' smart he'd shut the hell up?

They were laughing as she flipped through more pages. Seeing color she flipped farther into the back and found pictures obviously done by Gerard. She sucked in a breath and glanced over it. It was a colored pencil of everyone sitting at their beat up lunch table. He must have done it all from memory because even Frank was in the picture and Minnie and Nell had hardly eaten with them when Frank was there.

On the next page was a recreation of that first drawing she saw him do in the craft class. The one that was supposed to reflect their soul. On the opposite side was a drawing of her red handprint. Both their souls, side by side.

Tarra peered over the back of the seat to see what was causing the quiet and then turned around quickly.

As she flipped farther into the journal there were words not written in her handwriting. It was obviously Gerard's. They were only small blurbs, like thoughts he's had. Sometimes they were responses to the things she had written. She flipped farther through the book, surprised to see that every last page that had been empty when she had given it to Gerard was filled with color of some kind. She smiled to herself.

The next to last page housed a picture of two boys she didn't recognize. The shading of the skinnier boy's eyes made her think that it was Gerard's brother. The other boy had an afro and large lips. Gerard seemed to think them important since he'd shaded those as well. Under them both was a little banner with Rest In Peace scrawled through it. 9-11 was in the corner, near his brother's knee.

The opposite page was a drawing of her and Gerard kissing on New years Day. And she had to marvel at how well he could draw from memory and instict. A little not was written in the bottom right corner.

I can show you better than I could ever tell you.-G

[//]

A week later and Frank was once again behind the wheel, directing through New Jersey traffic. "And where are we having this get together?" Heaven asked for the millionth time.

"You'll see," was the semi-cryptic answer and then they were pulling up in front of a brick house and Tarra was pulling her up the stairs.

Tarra knocked on the door impatiently before pushing it open eagerly at the invitation to 'come on in'. She was pulled through a small hallway, past the living room and into the dining room.

"You must be Heaven," a woman said happily, walking in from what was assumed to be the kitchen, "They'll be so happy to see you."

She stuck her head back into the kitchen and shouted toward an open door, "They're here!"

The sound of a stampede and Heaven was greatful that the carpet in the dining room was plush, because other wise being tackled would have really hurt.

"Minnie! Nell!" she shouted when the stars cleared and she could look at the two girls sitting on her chest.

"Heaven!" they shot back automatically, and then they were being pushed to the floor and Tarra and Frank were pushing her to her feet.

And there stood Gerard, face aimed at the floor and she was smiling and crying a little and she hugged him hard, "I'm so sorry."

He smiled up at her and pulled her away from the group and through the kitchen. Down stairs and a sharp right and they were in a bedroom. She looked around at all the band posters and drawings. There were old horror movie promotions tacked to the walls and action figures every where. There were two twin beds and she turned a curious eye to Gerard.

"Mikey and I use to share this room," he explained, and she nodded, the drawing of the boy now matched a name.

"I'm sorry too, you know?" he sighed and pulled her to sit down on the bed to the right, "I just...I didn't want you to know who I was. Before I met you. Before you guys were my friends. I didn't know what was in the file. And when I freaked out I told Dr. Roberts all about it and he showed me what was in the basic file for the nurses. I just--I really am sorry."

"I'm sorry I looked," Heaven muttered, "I didn't--I just wanted to know about you."

Gerard laughed suddenly, "The worst part is, I was so pissed at you and I did the same thing. I read your file."

Heaven looked around the room, feeling shy suddenly, "When?"

"I--when you freaked out and they had to give you a downer for a shower."

Her eyes were still scanning the walls when they landed on something familiar. She stood and strode over and raised her hand up to the painting. Her clean hand fell over the red, smeared print and she laughed suddenly, looking over her shoulder.

"It doesn't matter," she said suddenly, "Not at all, because that's not who I am anymore. And yours doesn't matter either. This matters. This.."

She sat back down next to him, put her hand over his heart. "Why did you take my handprint?" she asked quietly.

"Because you left your handprint on my heart," he leaned forward so that she was putting pressure on her palm against his chest.

"I may have left a handprint on your heart, but you seared your heart into my hand."

And she leaned forward and kissed the corner of his mouth. He smiled at the small gesture and pulled her back upstairs where food was being prepared in celebration of her birthday.

That night as they ate cake Tarra's cell rang. Heaven was closest and answered it to stop the ringtone-which was Baby One More Time thanks to Frank. When she hung up a few minutes later she looked at the room in large with wide eyes.

"What is it. Who was that?" Tarra asked.

Heaven shrugged nonchalantly, "Your mom."

"What'd she say?" Minnie asked, looking up from her plate, fork poised halfway to her mouth.

Heaven laughed a little, "She said that last night the asylum caught fire and burned nearly to the ground. No one was hurt, but they are looking into arson."

All eyes turned to Minnie, who shrugged, "Don't look at me, I was in Jersey."

Nell poked her, "Minnie, we picked you up at the airport at noon today."

Minnie gave Nell a pointed look, "I was in Jersey. My passport even says so."

The room burst into laughter. Heaven smiled. This was her family. It was a little bent, maybe even a little broken, but it was hers. She tucked her head into the crook of Gerard's neck and smiled happily.