I'm Such a Mess, I Wonder How I Looked Through Your Eyes

Humming a soft, nameless tune to myself, I quickly went through my things, searching for Kyle's present I had brought along. When I couldn't find it, I frowned meanly at my luggage is if it had been the one to have misplaced it and then muttered a few choice words under my breath as I yanked a bright purple tank top out of the top pocket. The purple fabric unfolded as it flew through the air and the box I had been looking for fell to the ground.

I rushed forward and snatched it up off of the ground before I popped the lid open and made sure that it was still in tact. Satisfied with how it looked, I snapped the lid closed just as there was a knock on the door. I stooped over and picked up the shirt, placing it back with the rest of my clothes before I crossed the room and opened the door.

A tall, skinny, blonde boy stood upon the threshold of my hotel room, a smile on his face while he held a pretty yellow rose out to me.

"Burns," I said, returning a smile, "I was just about ready to go up and see you."

"I beat you to it," he grinned before holding the rose out higher as if I hadn't seen it before, "this is for you."

I took it from him and smelled it before stepping aside, allowing him to enter my room. "It's pretty." I stated. "Thank you."

Kyle smiled shyly as he picked up a pair of my panties that were lying on my bed and then tossed it back into my luggage for me before taking a seat himself. "The delivery dude brought it up with Caleb's meal that he ordered from room service." He said. "I just thought you'd like it instead."

I rolled my eyes slightly, and tried to keep my smile from getting any bigger. "And here I thought you made a special trip to the flower stand just to buy me a pretty rose." I teased.

"If you want me to, I will." Kyle whispered.

"I'm not going to make you trek across town in search of a flower stand that's still open, Kyle." I sighed softly. "I was just teasing you." I hesitated slightly before I crossed the room and took a seat beside him. "I got a present for you too." I said, and then handed him the black box I had been carrying.

"What's this for?" He questioned as he took it. "My birthday's not until the end of August."

"Open it, Burns." I commanded.

"But - "

"No buts, Kyle, open the fucking box."

Kyle stared at me, his eyes widening slightly before he finally lowered his eyes back to the box. His slender fingers fumbled with the lid for a few seconds before he finally got it opened.

"Allie J," he gasped, "you can't get me this! This is too damn expensive."

"It's okay when you can afford it." I smiled. "You know you love it Kyle."

"I do love it." He mumbled as he pulled the Dior watch out of the box and slipped it onto his wrist. After snapping it into place, he extended his arm so that he could admire his new watch from a distance.

"After you were complaining to me about getting a new watch, I happened to be strolling through downtown and I saw that one in the window." I said. "I had to get it."

Laughing softly, Kyle reached over and wrapped both of his arms around me, hugging me tightly. As I wrapped my arms around his slender waist, I breathed in deeply, taking in his scent. Although I hadn't physically smelled his cologne in two years, it was exactly the same as I had remembered.

"Thank you, sweetheart," he whispered softly, "I'm going to have to get you something now to make up for it."

"No," I shook my head the best I could while I still held tightly to Kyle. "I'm not letting you buy me anything Burns."

"You can't stop me," he laughed, "by this time tomorrow I'll have found something for you."

"Ugh, Kyle," I whined.

Kyle released me from his arms and sat back, watching me with an amused expression on his face. "Alyssa," he mocked.

I faked a mean glare and then stood up but just as I had finished straightening my legs, Kyle grabbed a hold of my hand, keeping me in place. Looking down at him, I gave him a questioning look.

"You still have it," he muttered.

"Have what?" I asked quizzically.

"The ring I gave you," he whispered. "I just figured that ... you would have gotten rid of it."

"Oh," I said, my free hand automatically reaching up to touch the promise ring that hung from a chain around my neck, "of course I still have it, Kyle. I would never get rid of it."

"But," Kyle paused momentarily, licking his lips before he continued, "with that ring, I made you a promise, and then I broke it."

"Kyle," I said gently squeezing his hand, "you didn't break your promise. You said that no matter what, you'd always be there for me ... and you have been there for me."

"I promised you I'd never leave you," he whispered, "and I did. I left you, and I broke your heart." He muttered as a single tear fell down his cheek. "I'm sorry, sweetheart."

"Oh, Kyle," I said, my voice barely audible, "please don't cry."

"I can't help it though, Alyssa." He said, two more stray tears falling from either of his eyes. "I still love you so much, you know that ... everybody knows that. But ... fuck ... " He trailed off, shaking his head.

"Kyle, you know that I still love you too," I whispered. I hesitated slightly, feeling the shakiness starting to overtake my body. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly in an attempt to steady myself before I continued, "and you haven't left me, Kyle, not really. I mean ... you're still my best friend, you still do whatever I ask of you. If you truly left me, we wouldn't be face to face right now."

Kyle processed my words silently, all the while his thumb gently caressing the top of my hand. "I'm going to ask you something, Alyssa, and I want you to be completely honest with me," he said quietly, "do you think that we will ever be ... you know ... boyfriend and girlfriend again?"

Frowning, I shrugged my shoulders. "Honestly, I don't know Kyle." I said. "If you were to ask me for a second chance right now, though, I would say no."

"But - "

I held my other hand up and pressed my fingertips to his lips, silencing him. "But if you were to ask me again at the end of the summer, I wouldn't know what my answer would be. Maybe you'd have been able to change my mind by then, maybe not." When I was done speaking, I lowered my hand, leaving him free to speak once more.

"What if by then, Caleb completely wins you over?" He asked.

"Then he'd have won me over." I said simply.

"But - "

"No buts, Kyle." I sighed, shaking my head as I released his hand. "There're no buts when it comes to falling in love with someone."

"Alyssa, please, just ... " he trailed off, running a hand tiredly across his face.

"Just what, Kyle?" I snapped, my voice a lot harsher than I intended it to be.

"I don't want this to turn into a fight," he whispered sadly. "I haven't seen you in two years, Alyssa. I just came down here because I wanted to take you out to grab a late dinner, and then stay up late with you like we used to."

Staring down at him, I took in the sight of the sadness in his eyes, and immediately felt my heart drop, knowing that I was the one who had caused it. I didn't want to start a fight with Kyle either; he was right, we hadn't seen each other in two years. I wasn't about to start fighting with him already.

"I'm sorry, Kyle." I muttered thickly. "It's just ... you're the reason why I left Texas in the first place, and yet, you're the main reason why I'm moving back." I admitted. "I'm so confused right now, even after all these years. Believe me when I say that I'm still fucking pissed at you for breaking up with me just when I needed you the most, but I miss you so much. There's only so much a phone conversation can do; I need to move back to be closer to you, and to my family." I whispered.

At this point, Kyle stood to his feet and wiped away the tears that I wasn't even aware had fallen from my eyes.

"If you were to ask me right now for another chance, Kyle, I would say no because I don't know if I'm still in love with you, or if I just love you." I said. "I need time."

Kyle nodded his head in understanding. "I'll give you all the time you need," he assured me. "I'm not going to pressure you into anything."

"You promise me, Burns?" I muttered.

"Yes," he whispered, "I promise. You won't hear another word about it from me, unless you bring it up first."

"Okay," I said quietly.

Without another word, Kyle took my hands in his and simply gazed down upon me with his bright blue eyes. The boy may have just promised me that he wasn't going to bring up his feelings for me, but with the passion that was burning in his stare just now he might as well have shouted that he loved me at the top of his lungs. If this was the way he would look at me from now on, I honestly don't know how long I could last on this tour.

"So," I said, clearing my throat slightly, "you said something about a late dinner?"

Slowly, a smile began to creep back across his lips and he nodded his head. "I'm in the mood for sushi," he stated, "so no more of those tears," he said, wiping the last of them away from underneath my eyes.

Smiling softly, I couldn't quite bring myself to reply. Instead I let him led me along as we set off in search of a sushi place that was still open, all the while trying to sort out the jumble of feelings and emotions that had been running amok in my mind ever since I walk back into Kyle's arms.