I'm Such a Mess, I Wonder How I Looked Through Your Eyes

Placing my hands on my hips, I stood my ground and glared at the boys sitting before me. No one dared to say anything while they saw the look on my face.

"You guys are gonna do this." I stated.

"No, we're not." Austin replied, the bravest of everyone. "My body has worked hard to make all the blood I have, and I'd like to keep it, thank you very much."

"Austin, I'm going to kick your ass you selfish jerk." I growled. "I already told them that you guys would donate blood, and you boys are gonna be there whether you like it or not."

"Allie J," Austin whined, "I don't want them to take my blood though."

"It's for a good cause." I told him.

"Hmm, I think I'll just stay right here." He said, kicking back on the sofa and propping his legs up on his skateboard. "Y'all can go ahead."

"Austin, think of all the lives you guys will be saving." I said.

"Alyssa, I don't know anybody who has had to have a blood transfusion." He sighed.

Frowning meanly, I replied, "when Kyle and I got into that wreck, I almost bled out; personally I've very grateful for that blood transfusion I had."

At my words, Austin's eyes grew wide, and he blushed softly before looking away.

"That's a cheap shot, Alyssa." He said before he muttered a few incoherent words under his breath, but I finally heard a reluctant 'okay' amongst his gibberish. Sitting next to him was Kyle, who in turn was watching me with a knowing look. Smirking softly, he looked away.

After Austin agreed to donate his blood, the rest of the guys agreed as well, and within a matter of minutes, we found ourselves making our way toward the SUV that had been provided for us by the Red Cross. We walked in twos and threes to the front of the venue, while Kyle and I brought up the rear of the group. Silent since we were in the bus, Kyle bumped his hip gently into mine, causing me to look up at him.

"That was low, Allie J." He said, just loud enough for me to hear. "You didn't nearly bleed out, liar."

Although his tone was serious, I saw the teasing glint in his bright, blue eyes. A tiny twinge of guilt pulled at the bottom of my stomach, and I nodded my head in agreement.

"It was pretty low." I muttered. "I didn't know how else to get him to agree to it though."

"If you ordered us into the SUV without telling us where we were going, we would have just done it." He grinned. "You didn't have to make anybody feel bad by lying to them."

"Like I said, it's for a good cause." I laughed softly. "Think he'll forgive me for it?" I asked.

"It's Austin," Kyle pointed out, "give him a sucker and a pack of bubble gum, and the boy will love you forever, no matter what you said to him."

I covered my mouth with my hand to stifle a laugh, but it only resulted in a strange, muffled giggle, causing both Caleb and Kent to turn around and give me weird looks. They didn't have any witty remarks, though, and before long we were in our SUV, on our way to the nearby Red Cross blood bank.

"Allie J," Kyle asked, wrapping an arm casually around my shoulders, "are you going to donate any blood today?"

"Nope," I replied.

"How come you don't have to donate?" Austin wailed. "That's no fucking fair."

"Because, I'm a girl." I snapped.

Kyle raised an eyebrow, giving me an annoyed look. "What does being a girl have to do with giving blood?" He asked.

Feeling my cheeks start to burn, I shrugged my shoulders and turned my eyes to the window. "Well, if it's … a certain date, or time of the month, then, I'm not supposed to give blood." I muttered.

"What?" He asked, "that's … oh." He said slowly, finally piecing two and two together.

"Yeah, so don't be giving me any shit about not donating today." I told him.

"Gotcha," he mumbled.

"Yeah." I repeated, not really knowing what else to say.

Luckily, a few seconds later we found ourselves slowing to a stop in the blood bank parking lot. Slipping his hand in mine, Kyle helped me out of the SUV and then released it, allowing me to lead the way into the building. After introducing myself and the rest of the guys, the two nurses were quick to take a sample of everyone's blood, and then tested their samples to make sure that everyone was fit enough to donate blood. As soon as everyone was cleared, the nurses set them up at their own 'stations' and began prepping them.

Gazing around the room, I saw a mixture of expressions on everyone's faces, ranging from bored, anxious, and just plain nervous. Watching the boy with the latter, I couldn't help but smile to myself. Taking another sip of my drink, I got up and made my way toward them and took a seat.

"Nervous, Burns?" I questioned.

"Fuck yes," he muttered, "I've never given blood before."

"You've had IV's before," I pointed out, "it's pretty much the same idea."

"With IV's, they're putting stuff in you, not taking it out." He reminded me.

"Along the lines of them sticking you with a needle and stuff," I replied, "it's the same."

Kyle rolled his eyes slightly, but didn't say anything else. Seeing the nurse approach us, I got up and went back to the 'recovery area' where they kept the cookies so that I was out of the way. The next fifteen minutes seemed to pass relatively quickly and quietly, and soon the guys were making their way one by one to the snacks.

Austin took a seat beside me and kissed my forehead loudly before he settled back, and took a bite of his Oreo that he had grabbed. "That wasn't so bad." He admitted.

"I didn't really get a blood transfusion." I admitted to him.

He simply shrugged his shoulders. "Bitch."

"I know." I sighed. "I love you."

Giving me a fake, mean look, he sighed as well. "Love you too."

The last to join us was Kyle, who looked paler than usual. Eyeing him as he nibbled at some cookies, I had to admit that I was worried about him.

"Kyle?" I asked slowly. "How do you feel?"

Kyle stared simply at the cookies in his hand for a few seconds, before he slowly turned his eyes to mine. "Tired." He admitted. "That's normal, yeah?"

"Hmm, yeah." I replied. "Come on, let's get you boys back to the bus so you can rest up." I stood up as I said this, and walked over to where Kyle was standing. Slipping an arm around his waist, I led him toward the exit.

"Allie J," he laughed softly, once we were outside, "I can walk perfectly well on my own."

"You're looking pretty pale, Burns." I said.

"I'm a white boy," he joked, "so what if I'm lookin' pale."

Without saying anything else, I gave him a stern look before I urged him into the SUV. Like the minutes spend in the blood bank, the ride back to the venue was quiet for the most part, though towards the end some of the guys started a heated discussion about something only boys could get worked up about. Kyle, however, didn't join the conversation as he quietly rested his head on top of mine.

"Kyle," I whispered, "are you sure you're okay?"

"I told you, I'm tired." He whispered back. "And hot … sort of stuffy."

"We're almost there." I told him. "Stay awayke until then."

"What if those nurses took too much blood from me?" He asked.

I laughed softly, and shook my head as best I could, seeing as how Kyle's head was still on top of mine. "They didn't." I assured him. "This was your first time giving blood; your body hasn't experienced anything like this before so it's getting all sort of crazy while it's trying to establish a sort of homeostasis."

"Homeostasis." He muttered tiredly. "That's a fancy word and it sounds kinda hot coming out of your mouth."

"Dynamic equilibrium in your body." I grinned, though he couldn't see me. "Change something in the environment, and your body adjusts to it."

"Oh." He said. "Is that why I feel so tired?"

"Usually when you lose blood, you feel tired." I told him. "I'm not sure why; maybe because you don’t have as much hemoglobin in your blood to carry oxygen to your brain and other organs. I don't know."

"Oh." He repeated, and then fell silent once again.

We arrived at the venue shortly after, and the driver was courteous enough to take us around back to the busses so the guys wouldn't have to walk as far. I think the rest of the guys would have been able to walk the short journey from the street, to the back parking lot, but I could tell that with each second that passed, Kyle was losing grip of his conscious and threatened to fall asleep at any moment. With my help, Kyle got onto the bus and then lay down on the couch.

Grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge, I sat down on the floor beside him and ran my fingers though his messy hair. "You should drink something first." I said gently.

Kyle opened his eyes long enough to take the water from me, and take a drink before handing it back to me and closing his eyes once again.

"It's hot." He whined.

"Jonathan just turned the AC on; it should cool down pretty soon."

Kyle muttered a few incoherent words under his breath before he sat up and yanked his shirt off. Tossing it aside, he lay back down and rolled onto his side so that he was now facing me.

"Jonathan growled at me and Caleb on the first day of tour." He muttered sleepily.

I raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"

"For always acting stupid around you." He whispered.

"I see."

He took a deep breath, letting it out in a soft sigh before he reached over and pushed my bangs out of my face. "Me and Caleb made a deal." He informed me. "Neither one of us will make a move for you."

"Yeah?" I asked quietly.

"Since we're a couple of hot studs, we'll let you be the one to come after us." He said, nodding his head.

Unable to help myself, I laughed softly in amusement. "I think you're getting delusional, Burns." I told him.

"I think so too." He admitted. "I'm tired, my mind feels like mush."

"Alright, get some sleep then, Kyle."

"Mhm." He mumbled, closing his eyes.

I watched him a few seconds longer before I made a move to get up, but hearing me, Kyle opened his eyes once again.

"Remember that whole thing back in high school, where someone drew your name in hearts in the chemistry lab?" He asked.

"Yeah." I grinned.

"It was me." He sighed. "I don't know why I just thought of it, but, I … I don't know." He blushed. "I guess I just thought you'd like to know."

"Well, thanks for telling me the truth, Kyle." I smiled. "Anything else you'd like to confess?" I joked.

"I was your secret valentine our Junior year, you know, who broke into your locker and left you those flowers."

"Were you also the one who stole the teddy grams out of my locker that day?"

"Yeah," he mumbled, "sorry, I'll buy you some more."

"Its fine, Kyle." I laughed. "But now that I know you were the one who sent the flowers, I suppose I can finally thank you for them."

"Did you like them?" He asked shyly.

"You know I loved them, Kyle," I grinned, "you were right there next to me when I found them."

"I'm glad you liked them." He whispered.

"Burns," I said quietly, running my fingers through his hair once again, "get some sleep."

"Stay with me," he mumbled, "please."

"What good will I do?" I teased. "You'll be asleep."

Sighing softly, he reached over and took my hand in his, squeezing it tightly. "I sleep better when you're with me." He pointed out.

The sincerity of his words tugged at my heartstrings, turning everything inside of me into a frenzy. Although I had plenty of things to take care of before the show, seeing the pleading look in Kyle's eyes made me abandon every single one of those duties.

"Okay," I whispered, "but scoot over, I ain't gonna sit on the floor the whole damn time."

Doing as I said, Kyle moved over and made some room for me to lie down beside him. Without another word, I settled into place, resting my head on his chest. Everything seemed to fall into place as Kyle wrapped an arm around my body, holding me closer to him.

Perhaps this was the place I belonged after all.