I'm Such a Mess, I Wonder How I Looked Through Your Eyes

Without questioning me, the woman behind the counter filled the box she was holding with various sorts of chocolates as fast as I pointed them out to her. When I saw that the box was nearly filled, I looked between an elaborately decorated chocolate candy and a simpler caramel filled candy, trying to determine which Alyssa would like better. Aware of the line behind me, I finally pointed to the decorated chocolate, and the lady picked it up with her plastic gloved hand and placed it neatly into the box.

When she was done, she put the lid on the box and quickly secured it with some fancy ribbon before motioning for me to follow her to the cash register. After she punched in some stuff on her fancy cash register, she turned her tired eyes up to me.

"Thirty-two seventy-five." She stated.

I made a face, but didn't comment about the price before I handed her my credit card. After looking at my ID, she ran my credit card through and handed me a slip of paper to sign. Signing and then sliding the paper back to her, she handed me my credit card and the box of chocolates.

I muttered a faint 'thank you' before I left the store, holding tightly to my credit card and chocolates with one hand, while the other carried my skateboard. Once outside, I looked around the sidewalk, trying to gathering my bearings so that I could recall the proper way back to the venue. Remembering the right way, I shoved my credit card into my pocket and tucked the chocolates underneath my arm before hopping on my skateboard, hurrying back to the venue.

I knew that I was cutting it close and that our set was coming up shortly, but I was embarrassed about the ridiculous things I had told Alyssa earlier today so I wanted to get her something to make up for it, for the time being at least. Halfway to the venue, I heard my cell phone ringing in my pocket, but I chose to ignore it knowing that it was the guys, calling to see where I was.

Arriving at the venue a couple of minutes later, still on my skateboard I flashed my pass to the guys watching the front door, and they waved me through. As soon as I went into the main entrance, I spotted Alyssa at her booth, talking to a group of teenagers. When I got closer, one of them looked up and saw me, and they quickly got the attention of their friends. It seemed like a split second before I had the attention of every single person in the room.

Smiling softly and muttering some apologies, I hurried by Alyssa's booth, grabbing a hold of her hand along the way. With no choice, Alyssa followed behind me, grasping tightly to my hand as she struggled to keep up with my speed.

"Kyle, what are you doing?" She questioned. "You guys are supposed to be on, like, now."

Glancing over my shoulder to make sure that no one had followed us, I stopped my board and got off of it.

"I got you these." I mumbled, handing her the box.

"Burns, what is this?" She asked.

"Chocolates." I replied. "They might have gotten jumbled up on the ride over, but, for thirty-two dollars and seventy-five cents, they should still be good."

"Kyle! You won't even spend five bucks for a package of socks from Target," she gasped, "why the hell would you spend that much on some chocolates."

"Because I wanted to apologize for the stupid things I may or may not have told you earlier." I muttered. "I never intended for you to find out that I drew your name in hearts, nor did I want you to find out that I was ever your secret valentine. I feel stupid. You must think I'm lame, Allie J."

"Kyle," she laughed softly, "of course I don't think you're lame. I think you're pretty awesome. I mean, come on, that picture was pretty fucking rad." She teased.

"Allie J, you're not helping." I whined. "Seriously … didn't I make you feel, I don't, awkward by telling you all those things?"

Tilting her head to the side, she gave me a confused look. "Awkward?" She repeated. "How so, Kyle?"

"Well, I mean," I paused, shrugging my shoulders, "I was babbling on about how Caleb and I made a deal with each other, and how we're letting you be the one to come after us."

"Since you two are a couple of hot studs." She reminded me with a smile.

Blushing, I nodded my head, and then quickly shook it. "See? That right there. For saying stupid shit like that. I don't know what I was thinking." I frowned. "That's why I got you the box of chocolates to make up for it. And plus, if I had picked up on the right hints earlier, you're having your, you know," I made a weird face, "your girlie problems." I whispered. "Fancy and expensive chocolates should make you feel better."

Looking up at me, Alyssa giggled cutely and then nodded her head. "Yes, I'm sure that they will." She grinned. "But if you really want to make up for giving me your hemoglobin deprived confessions, you're gonna have to step it up."

"Step it up?" I sighed, slightly crestfallen, "how?"

"Dinner." She smiled. "Tonight. After the show."

"Dinner?" I repeated. "Like … a date?"

"Hmm, maybe." She said. "We'll see how it goes; if it goes good we can call it a date."

"And … if it is a date?"

"Then, it's a date." She said slowly, hesitantly, as if she were on the verge of turning it into a question.

"Does this mean you're making a move for me?" I asked shyly.

Studying me with her intense green eyes, she remained silent for a good minute or so. I knew better than to break her moment of silence, so I simply stood there, waiting for her to reply.

"Maybe." She finally said. "Maybe not."

Although she didn't give me a direct answer, I still felt the ridiculous butterflies fluttering around the pit of my stomach at the possibility of winning her over. I knew I shouldn't get my hopes up, though, because Caleb was still, in fact, in the picture. He and Alyssa had spent the last two years living together in San Francisco, whereas we were only one week into the tour. Surely my stupid one liners and silly box of chocolates wasn't enough to win her back already.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Holding tightly to the brown paper bag and contained our leftover sushi rolls, I bit my lip as I struggling to come up with a topic of conversation. Beside me, Alyssa was silent as she stared up at the bright, twinkling stars above us. I usually didn't mind the silence between us, but tonight, the silence made me paranoid, causing me to think that I had done something wrong tonight during dinner.

"Allie J?" I asked quietly.

"Hmm?"

"So … did I do good enough tonight to consider this a date?" I asked stupidly.

Alyssa laughed in amusement, and then nodded her head. "Yes, you did." She replied. "Consider it a date."

"Oh, cool." I said lamely. "Does that mean I can hold your hand?"

"Kyle!" She whined. "I thought you said that you and Caleb were letting me be the one to make the moves."

"Oh yeah." I muttered. "Sorry."

Alyssa sighed heavily, giving me a fake, mean look before she reached over and took my hand gently into hers. "For the record, a date does mean its okay for us to hold hands." She told me. "But, remember from now on, I'm making the moves, okay?"

Unable to help myself, I smiled at her before I brought her hand up, kissing the back of it.

"Remember now." She reminded me.

"I know," I grinned, "but come on now, would you seriously be the one kissing the back of my hand?"

"Well, no." She mumbled. "That's a guy thing."

"See," I laughed, "I'm a guy, so that's why I did it. Think of it as the equivalent of when girls stand on their tip toes and kiss a guys cheek."

"I suppose I can go by your reasoning, Burns." She agreed. "But, enough of that for now. I'm calling the shots, so I say that we go and investigate that park over there." She insisted and then motioned with her free hand to the park we had passed on our way to dinner.

Following her lead, I let her pull me through the entrance, where she released my hand and took off running toward the nearest slide. Laughing to myself, I followed her to the slide and then placed the bag in a safe spot before I started climbing up the slide. Due to the corkscrew design of the slide, Alyssa didn't see me until she slid into me halfway down.

"Kyle!" She laughed, wrapping her arms around me tightly. "You dick! Get the hell out of the way."

Giggling wildly, she kicked my feet out from under me, causing both of us to slide back to the bottom, where we landed in a heap on the ground. I got up and made a motion to help her up, but Alyssa sprung up, tackling me back to the ground.

"Alyssa," I grinned, "get off of me you damn ape."

Alyssa simply laughed wildly in response as she attempted to pin me to the ground, but I was able to push her off of me, sending her tumbling to the side. Before she had a chance to regain her bearings, I picked her up and threw her over my shoulder.

"Burns!" She laughed, kicking her legs about. "Put me down."

"No." I replied before I spun us around in a quick twirl.

"Kyle!" She screeched, "I'm supposed to be the one calling the shots, remember?"

"Alyssa," I laughed, "you can't use that damn excuse every two minutes."

"Kyle," she giggled, "I'm gonna kick your fucking ass." She threatened.

Smirking softly, I reached up and slapped her butt playfully, which earned me a few choice words from her. With a smile on my face, I walked over to the swings and then carefully lowered her down onto one of them. I backed away from her slightly, and then grabbed a hold of the swings chains before I let out a soft, sigh of contempt. With a smile on my face, I watched Alyssa with loving eyes as I examined every square inch of her beautiful features.

Blushing, she looked away. "Don't give me that look, Kyle." She said quietly.

"What look?" I asked quizzically.

"That look," she insisted, "the one you're giving me right now."

The smile on my face faded away and I brought a hand down, using it to cup her chin and gently guide her gaze back up to mine. "Why not?" I frowned.

"Because it makes me want to do things, that I'm not so sure I should do." She whispered.

"What kind of things?" I whispered back.

Her green eyes were burning with a fierce emotion I wasn't quite able to place, and as she stood up slowly she bit her lip, debating what her next move would be. She extended one hand, placing it nervously on my chest before slowly sliding it up and over my shoulder. At that moment, I knew what she wanted and I was more than willing to give in to her, all I needed was for her to make the first move.

That was our agreement after all.

Her grip on my shoulder tightened as she tugged me down toward her, and with my heart beating frantically, I obliged to her wish. The moment her lips pressed mine, I felt as if my entire body had turned to jelly but by some odd miracle I remained standing upright. Alyssa gently pushed her tongue past my lips, letting it explore my mouth as if this had been the first time it was ever to do so. Her taste exploded with love and passion, sending waves upon waves of different emotions rippling throughout my body. I didn't know how long I would be able to handle this euphoria, and just when I felt myself being pushed to the maximum point, Alyssa broke the kiss and pulled away from me.

"Those kind of things." She whispered breathlessly.

"Oh, sweetheart," I said quietly.

My heart that was once beating frantically out of control now felt heavy as if it were swollen, consumed with so much love that I felt for this girl I felt like it weighed me down, keeping my feet planted firmly on the ground. With her being the center of my universe, I gravitated toward her. Ever since we were freshmen punks in high school, I've been drawn to her, and as we got older I found out that nothing anybody said or did could possibly change that.

"Spend the night with me, Kyle." She muttered.

"I don't know," I said slowly; although I certainly wanted to, I knew that if I did, it would spark some rumors and whispers that I neither wanted, nor needed at the moment.

"I need you tonight, Kyle," she told me, "I'm shaking right now." She pointed out in a whisper.

Gently caressing her cheek, I did indeed feel them tremble underneath my touch.

"I don't want to have sex or make love with you," she mumbled, "I just need you tonight, Kyle."

Running my fingertips over the arch of her eyebrows, I couldn't find it in myself to tell her 'no'. "Okay," I agreed. "I'll spend the night."

"Okay." She mocked. "Now swing with me, Burns." She insisted as she took a seat back on the swing.

Laughing quietly, I nodded my head and did as she told me. After I sat down, I simply watched Alyssa as she kicked her legs to and fro, sending her higher and higher with each pass.

I wondered what tomorrow would have in store for us.