I'm Such a Mess, I Wonder How I Looked Through Your Eyes

Feeling Alyssa stir beside me, I slowly opened my eyes and looked down to find her rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. When she lowered her hands, she looked up and frowned when she saw that she had woken me up as well.

"What time is it?" I asked sleepily.

Leaning over, she pressed her lips to my cheek swiftly before she pulled away. "It's early." She grumbled. "Go back to sleep."

"Are we still on the road?" I questioned.

"We stopped about half an hour ago." She replied. "Go back to sleep." She repeated before slowly easing herself out of the bunk.

Hesitantly, I watched her walk out of my sight and then shook my head before I rolled over onto my stomach and looked out into the narrow hallway. I saw Alyssa in the distance, in the front lounge, but I couldn't see well enough to see what she was doing.

"Allie J?" I whispered softly, not wanting to wake anybody else up. "What are you doing?"

"Eating my chocolates you got me."

Frowning to myself, I swung my legs over the edge of the bunk and then got out. I stretched slightly before I yawned, and then made my way to the front. Lying on the couch was Alyssa, her knees pulled up to her chest while she nibbled on some chocolates. As she looked at me with sad eyes, I felt as if someone had squeezed my heart with a pair of pliers and I sank down onto the couch beside her, placing my hand on her back for comfort.

"Sweetheart, what's wrong?" I asked softly.

"I'm cramping up so bad right now." She whispered. "It hurts, Burns."

"Do you want some Advil?"

"We don't have any, I just used the last of it up last night. We got nothin'."

"Want me to go walk somewhere and get you some?" I offered.

"You know that I want you to, but I'm not going to make you." She muttered. "It's really early out; I don't want you to get mugged by some homeless people."

I glanced over my shoulder, seeing that the sun was barely beginning to rise in the distance. It was in fact early, but a quick trip to a nearby convenience store or gas station was nothing. I turned back to Alyssa, and then reached up, running my fingers through her hair.

"I'll be back in a little while." I told her.

Without waiting for her response, I got up and went back to the bunk to gather my shirt and shorts. After quickly pulling them on, I located one of Alyssa's skateboards and my wallet, and made my way out of the bus despite Alyssa's protests. Seeing as how our venue was located downtown, it was easy enough for me to find a small, twenty-four hour convenience store, and I was back in the parking lot of the venue just before the sun had fully risen.

With a quick sweep of the parking lot, I saw that during the time I was away, our bus had arrived as well. Walking past it, I felt the heat from the engine which suggested they had just pulled in a few moments prior. Nosy, I looked up into an opened window but the interior of the bus was dark, and I didn't think that anybody else was up yet.

Pushing the thoughts of our bus and its occupants aside, I continued my way to Alyssa's bus. Passing the front door of our bus, I rounded the corner of Alyssa's bus, but stopped short when I heard the door open behind me. Curious, I stopped the skateboard, and turned around, finding myself face to face with Caleb.

"Oh," I said, caught off guard, "what's up Caleb?"

Caleb didn't say anything in response, but rather reached over and pushed me hard, sending me flying into the bus behind me. Regaining my footing, I glared at Caleb.

"What the fuck was that for?" I snapped.

"What the hell was this I hear about you taking Alyssa out on a date last night?" He demanded.

"Chill the fuck out," I growled, "Alyssa wanted me to take her out to dinner."

"And she wanted you to spend the night with her too, huh?"

"Yes," I hissed, "she did. Now get the fuck out of my face, Caleb," I said, pushing him away from me, "before I kick your fucking ass."

"Don't even start with me, Kyle." He threatened.

"You're the dumb ass who came out here," I pointed out, "now get the fuck away from me."

I made a move to walk away, but Caleb reached over, pushing me one last time. That being the last straw, I dropped my things and balled my hand into a fist before hitting Caleb as hard as I could. He stumbled to the ground, and I headed toward him, thinking to hit him again even while he was on the ground, but someone grabbed me from behind, jerking me out of the way.

With nothing but anger and adrenaline fueling my actions, I headed toward this new person, wanting nothing more than to teach them and Caleb a lesson, but stopped short when I saw that it was Alyssa. Standing with her hands on her hips, she eyed Caleb as he stood up quickly. Caleb, however, thinking that Alyssa was me, took a swing at her but he stopped his arm just in time. The rest of his body was already in motion and even after he stopped his swing, his body followed behind it, causing him to stumble into Alyssa.

Clutching tightly to her to make sure she didn't fall, Caleb gasped softly, no doubt thinking how close he had actually come to hitting her. Alyssa pushed him away angrily, and then eyed him meanly for a few seconds before she looked to me, giving me the exact same look.

"Alyssa, I – "

"Shut up," she snapped, cutting me off.

"I'm so sorry – "

"You shut up too," she growled at Caleb. "Both you just shut up, and get back on your fucking bus."

"Both of us?" I muttered.

"Yes."

"But, what did I do?" I asked, sounding like a little child, though that certainly wasn't my intention.

"You punched him, Kyle." She wailed.

"But, I have your Advil." I mumbled.

"Get on the fucking bus, Kyle." She hissed slowly. "I'm really fucking pissed right now, so don't even start with me."

"But – "

I had barely gotten the word out of my mouth before Alyssa reached up and slapped me hard across the face. My mouth dropping open in shock, I ignored the intense stinging sensation on the left side of my face and stared down at her.

"I said get on the bus, Kyle." She cried softly. "I don't want to look at either one of you boys right now. Just go."

As I watched her, I felt like the biggest jackass on the face of the planet, despite the fact that I hadn't even done anything directly to her. I reached up and wiped away a few stray tears from her eyes before slowly turning away, and making my way onto our bus. I didn't stick around to hear or see what Caleb would say or do, I simply sat down on the couch and stared blankly down at my hands. Over the past few years, my hands have gotten me into a lot of shit with Alyssa … my hands and my mouth. I've done so many things I never thought I'd do, all either for her or because of her.

In the background I heard the steps creak and then heard the hinges squeak as the door closed. Not yet wanting to look into the eyes of one of my best friends, I continued to stare at my hands while my mind remained in its only little world.

"Kyle, I'm sorry." Caleb whispered.

I merely shook my head as the unfinished thoughts and uncertain emotions rolled about.

"It's just … before we left for tour, I was so close to winning Alyssa over." He mumbled. "I was so sure that I would get her to agree to be my girlfriend, but then … we come out on tour and when she saw you … " he paused, muttering a few incoherent words underneath his breath. "Its like all the hard work I've done for the past two years had suddenly flown out the window. Two fucking years, Kyle! You've managed to achieve in a handful of days what it had taken me two years to accomplish. I'm sorry that that thought made me a little upset."

I suppose that in the long run after I had calmed down Caleb's words would make me feel better seeing as how he was implying that Alyssa was indeed falling for me, but at the moment they made my heart ache like never before. Recalling the sight of the tears falling from her eyes, I shook my head in disgust. Caleb implying that Alyssa was falling for me, the boy who had been the source of nearly ninety-seven percent of her tears, it disgusted me.

"Kyle, go over there and lay with her." Caleb insisted.

"She told us both to stay here; she didn't want to see either one of us." I mumbled.

"You'll be fine," he whispered, "just go over there."

"She'll get so pissed at me if I walk in there right now."

"Yeah, she will at first, but she'll get over herself. You know that she will."

Sighing quietly, I licked my lips and then looked up at Caleb. "Why don't you go over there?"

Caleb shook his head, his brown eyes filled with a type of sadness I rarely ever saw in them. "It's you she wants, Kyle, why can't you see that?" He asked. "Alyssa doesn't realize it … but you're the one she wants."

"Caleb." I muttered.

"Kyle." He mocked. "Go."

It felt to me as if his words held a sort of magical quality to it, because even though I didn't want to get up, I somehow found myself on my feet. Without another word, I exited the bus and slowly made the short journey to the bus parked next to ours. I punched in the code to get onto Alyssa's bus, and then quietly walked up the stairs.

Alyssa eyed me meanly as I made my way toward her, but as soon as I took her in my arms the anger in her eyes faded away and was replaced instead by tears.

"I hate it when you two fight." She cried softly as she clung onto me.

"I know," I whispered before kissing her forehead gently, "I'm sorry."

As Alyssa continued to cry, I rubbed her back for comfort, all the while trying to avoid the nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach. After a few minutes, after Alyssa had calmed down, I reached over and pushed aside the hair that had been matted to her cheeks.

"Did you take your Advil?" I asked her.

She nodded her head. "Its kicking in; I think I can manage to get back to sleep now."

"Good." I told her. "Close your eyes and get some rest."

"You'll be here when I wake up?"

"Of course." I whispered.

The truth is that I'll be wherever she wants me, whenever she wants me.