Wish You Were Here

“Look,” Mike said tilting his head towards the door. Luna turned around to face Brandon. His soft curls were gone and now were replaced by gelled spikes. His eyes met hers and she felt exposed, vulnerable, and paralyzed all at once. Her heart thrashed about below her flesh and blew the air out from her lungs. Her mind raced and suddenly went blank. She began to diminish from the inside, her eyes filling with tears and obscuring her vision at the corners. She looked away and turned to Mike, who was surprised to see her like this.

Brandon felt as though the wind had been knocked out of his body, he was not expecting to see Luna and especially not in the dressing room. He caught her gaze and watched as her green irises glossed over with tears and looked away. He wanted to walk over and hold her as Mike was now, his arm protectively around her.

Brandon opened his mouth trying to find his voice and sighed, “We’re on in five minutes.” He looked over at Luna once more who took a deep breath and shook her head in response to Mike’s muffled question. Brandon went to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of Corona, it would be his first of many that night. He walked out and leaned against the cool white wall. He let the chilled liquid sooth his sore throat and wash away the knot in his throat. Luna had brought out the misery and loneliness he had managed to suppress and swallow while at home with Joanna, once again and now began to consume him. He wanted to wash the bitter taste of anguish off his tongue but found his attempts hopeless. No substance could sweeten such a taste as the one on the tip of his tongue. Brandon had fucked up so bad, Luna was his light, his muse, his best friend and his real love and he did was break her, all he did was break her precious heart. Brandon brought the chilled bottle to his lips and filled his mouth with the golden liquid. Though the beer could not cover up the taste it did make it tolerable. As long as the alcohol kept coming, Brandon could keep his demons at bay.

Luna felt Mike’s arms wrap around her as she tried to regain the air in her lungs.

“Are you okay?” Mike asked tenderly in her ear. Luna took a deep breath and shook her head. She heard the door close behind her and looked up at Mike. “He’s gone.”

“I am so sorry,” she croaked out. She looked around to find five pairs of eyes offering sympathy, “but I can’t stay here.”

“Luna,” Ben started, “Be reasonable.”

“No Ben, I can’t. I thought I could tolerate him but I can’t.” Luna pushed herself off the beige couch and stood up, her knees shaking beneath her, “I am sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

Luna nodded silently and grabbed her purse, she watched Yazmin get up and lifted her hand, “No Yaz, you stay. You wanted this and you deserved to watch it up close. I’ll come get you when it’s over.”

“You sure Luna?” she asked.

“I am sure.”

Luna reached over and hugged her and then went around and hugged the rest of her friends.

“Want me to kick Brandon’s ass for you?” Jose asked once she pulled away.

“No, but thanks for offering”

“Call me if you change your mind Luna.”

“Will do.”

She made her way to Mike who stood by the door. “I’ll walk you out.”

“You’re going to be late.”

“Loony, it wont matter if I am two minutes late.”

Luna smiled, “it’s okay Mike.”

“No Luna, it’s not.” He opened the door for her, “c’mon I’ll walk you out.”

Luna walked out and felt Mike’s arm around her shoulders once more and was thankful of how stable he felt against her trembling frame. She kept her eyes glued to the cream colored tiles as she walked and prayed she could walk out of this place alive. The cold felt like salvation to her as they stepped outside. She breathed in the cold air and let it calm her violent nerves.

“Better?”

“Much.”

“What happened back there Loony?”

“I panicked.”

“Why?”

“Because it was Brandon.”

“I know that but why? Why did Brandon cause you to panic?”

“Because with him, I am vulnerable and it terrifies me. He can manipulate me and I have no say in it and I hate it. I lost it Mike. All my reasoning leapt out the window the moment he walked in and I tore in half. My heart leading the way and my mind left to deteriorate.”

Mike stayed silent and gazed down to the floor,” I am sorry.”

“It’s not your fault Mike,” she said placing her hand on his shoulder, “I should go and you should too. I’ll see you later.”

“Bye Luna,” he said giving her one last hug.

“Bye Mikey.”

Brandon sang into the mic as loud as he could and turned the microphone around for the audience to sing the rest of the chorus. He thrashed around gracefully as they sang the words back to him. He smiled against their voices and graced them with his laughter. He closed his eyes momentarily and took in the warmth that seeped into every void in him but one. The one Luna left in his heart. A void that often appeared endless and permanent. He thought of her and how one day he’d want to grab her hand and show her this, this magic that fell from the heavens and blessed him every night; the magic of having his fans sing him.

The concert ended and Brandon thanked them and took in their faces as the lights turned on upon them. He walked off stage and down the corridor where he’s only remedy for loneliness resided. He eagerly wrapped his moist fingers around a cold beer and quenched his thirst. He looked around for Luna, ready to look her in the eyes and show her what she did to him, what extremes she had pushed him to. But he did not find her, only the welcoming arms of Joanna and her overly sweet mouth. He looked at Joanna’s square face in his hands and smiled at her. She kissed him and he tasted the stale taste of weed on her tongue. She was high and oblivious to the fact that tonight he would use her to erase Luna from his mind and rid misery and loneliness from his heart. He took the joint from her fingertips and placed the tightly wound item on his thin lips. The smoke cascaded down the smooth fibers of his throat and dispersed among his lungs. He released the mixture of his breath and smoke into the space above them and chuckled, the alcohol mixing with his blood. He crashed his lips to hers greedily, anxious to rid him of the chaos Luna brought out in him.

Luna arose from her nap and looked at her clock: 12:00 AM. She yawned and slipped on her sandals. Hopefully the stadium had cleared out by now and would allow her to find Yazmin faster. Luna turned towards the Coliseum and scoped the sidewalks around it, but found nothing but the foreign faces of strangers and winos. She found parking by the east side of the Coliseum, where most of the tour buses were parked and made her way to the double doors Mike had led her through earlier. She stopped in front of it and pondered if she should knock or simply barge through. She held on to its metallic handle, when it unexpectedly burst open and startled her, causing a shriek to rise from her mouth. The figure stumbled out and fell to the concrete next to her laughing. She blinked a few times adjusting her eyes to the dim light around her and the fallen silhouette. She gazed at the giggling mess beside her and backed away. She watched slightly terrified as the figure turned towards her. It was none other than Brandon Charles Boyd. Luna walked towards him, refusing to believe her eyes, that the hollering man in front of her was her Brandon.

“Brandon?” she asked astonished.

He smiled sheepishly at her and licked his lips, “Yeah?”

“You’re fucking drunk aren’t you?” she stated more than asked him. She squatted beside him, taking in his disheveled appearance. The light illuminated the thin layer of sweat on his face and revealed the warm clouds of air that escaped his luscious lips.

“Maybe,” he replied giggling.

“Which one is your tour bus Brandon?” she asked. His name felt new and bizarre on her moist tongue.

He looked behind him and chuckled, “the one with my name on it.”

“Brandon,” she said sternly.

“The black one.”

“They’re all black.”

“Then all of them.”

“You don’t know do you?”

“Noooo.”

“Where are we?”

“Outside.”

“No. Where, what city?”

“A cold one,” he said rubbing his arms, “Can I borrow your sweater?”
She touched his arm softly and felt goose bumps below her fingertips. He grabber her hand in his and kissed it, “You’re beautiful,” he snickered.

She pulled her hand from his grasp and stood up.

“Don’t go gorgeous.”

Luna bent down in front of him, “who am I?”

He held her chin, causing her skin to turn scarlet; he caressed the small area softly and looked her in the eyes. Luna watched as the dilated pupils were replaced with the set of deep brown eyes she knew so well. A pair of brown eyes that one night gazed upon her pure form and saw into her soul, into her heart, into her mind.

“A fragment of my imagination.”

She peered into his enigmatic eyes and saw the Brandon she held dear, “C’mon.” she watched as Brandon’s lanky limbs twisted from beneath him and mishandled his long torso. She held on to his hand and leaned against him, holding him up.

“Where are we going?”

She felt her heart begin to race and ignite a fire throughout her body. She hadn’t been this close to Brandon in months, and now having him so close, almost caused her to forget where she parked her car. She pulled her car keys out of her sweater and opened the passenger door.

“Get inside.”

“Are you fucking kidnapping me?”

She chuckled at his statement and leaned him into the seat, “no.”

He slid into the seat and she buckled him in, his hot breath on her neck sending shivers down her spine.

“Where are you taking me then?”

“To sleep.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” She closed the door and walked to the other side and into the driver side. She removed her sweater and threw it on Brandon.

“You wanna do it here?”

“What?”

“You’re fucking kinky you know that? Buckling me in first, you’re into that dominatrix shit aren’t you?”

“Oh god. I am not fucking you Brandon. I don’t take fucking advantage of people!” Luna looked at Brandon and sighed. She looked away and ran a hand through her hair. “Take a nap Brandon.”

She placed her keys into the ignition and turned on the car; she placed the heater on and waited for her car to warm up. She drove towards the dorms, and looked at the deserted streets. She pulled her cell phone out and dialed Yazmin’s number, and found that it had been turned off. She bit her lip and hoped she was alright. She turned to Brandon and found him fast asleep. She let herself brush aside his stray bangs and only that. She parked her car in an empty space in front of the dorms and turned to Brandon. She could not carry him up the stairs asleep, so she had to wake him.

“Brandon.”

“Mhm.”

“Brandon, wake up.”

“No.”

“Brandon, wake up!”

His eyes opened and glared at her.

“You can sleep inside.”

She walked out and held the door open for him. He fumbled and cursed at the seat belt that restrained him.

“Hold on.” She unbuckled it and held him up again. The cold air prickled her skin as she walked up the steps to her dorm, but preferred Brandon to be warm. They finally reached her room and walked inside; she sat him on her bed and bent down to untie his shoes.

“You’re going to sleep here okay?”

“Where are you sleeping?”

“There,” she said pointing at Yazmin’s bed. She placed his shoes under the bed along with hers and saw his eyes grow weary. She helped him slip off his soiled shirt and pants and had to control herself from trailing her fingertips down his bare chest. She pulled the covers over him and placed him on his side, in case he had to vomit during the night. She slid into her pajamas and under Yazmin’s purple covers, her eyes on his sleeping form. Her body ached and felt extremely heavy. Her head was hazy with the incoming clouds of sleep that loomed above her head and threatened to obscure her eyesight. She closed her eyes and floated upon the waters of sleep, but awoke at the sound of Brandon’s soft snore. She blinked and walked over; she bent down and leaned her face into his to see if he was still breathing. Her cheek grew hot with the sudden flush of his warm breath upon it. She stood up and walked back into her bed for the night. She curled her legs close to her and closed her eyes. She tried to ignore the knots forming in her throat, the stinging in her eyes, and crush the sobs that rose into her mouth. She would not cry but she did…she cried softly into her clasped hands. How she had missed him, how as hard as she had tried loved him still, wanted him still, but could not have him, and how it hurt her to see him like this. She wiped her face against the pillow’s soft surface and closed her eyes.

Brandon felt her small hands guide his moist clothes off his body and wrap the blankets around him. He buried his heavy head against the fragrant pillowcase that filled his senses with the aroma of white lilies. He drifted back and forth between the conscious and subconscious world. He watched her through his thick eyelashes as she leaned her face towards his mouth. He fought the urge to grab her and pin her against his body. Though his heart beated wildly against his chest and threatened to jump out of his mouth and into hers or perhaps it was the alcohol… and then in the midst of sleep, he heard it: she soft whimpers. She was crying and he could do nothing, but share that same stab to the heart and bury his head deeper in her pillow.