Losing Love

"Oh she is so fake. I mean nobody looks like that naturally. Do you agree?" Mandy's mother asked her as she stared at the television but she never got a response. "Mandy?" She called.

"Huh?" Her head shot up, a mystified look spread across her face. Mandy was in a daze thinking about her dream from the night before. She had never had a dream that was so clear and real. It gave her shivers as she thought of how perfect Nick looked but his perfection just made her chest wrench in pain like her heart was being twisted in different directions. The image of his face would not leave her mind, she couldn't concentrate right with his face constantly there when she closed her eye's. "Sorry mom what did you say?" Her mother just nodded her head and pointed to the Barbie look-a-like on the t.v. screen. "No one can keep their boobs up like that." Mandy answered and laughed.

"Yeah I agree with Mandy. No girl can keep them up naturally like that." Matt interrupted a wide smirk on his face. Mandy picked up the cushion beside her and swung it at him.

"You're sick Matt." She spat.

"I am in college with a lot of Barbie's, what can I do? I am only human" He laughed cheekily. His mother grunted in distaste. "Lighten up, mom." He joked watching her reaction.

"Mommies little boy isn't so innocent, now is he?" Mandy pouted in a child like expression. He rolled his eye's and smiled.

"Why don't you two do something together today?" Ruth suggested eagerly. "Matt is returning to college soon so why not make the most of it while he is here?" Matt shrugged in agreement and Mandy smiled. She loved spending time with her brother and she had never got a chance to speak to him properly since he had come home, she was always occupied doing something or tending to the grief and pain of Nick's death. She wanted to thank him for being there. Matt had always played the over protective brotherly role but she loved him for it, she would not want it any other way. Even when she first started dating Nick he sat him down and gave him a warning chat that Mandy was sure would have scared anyone half to death. No one ever messed around with Matt, if his strong appearance did not tell anyone that he would have been sure to have made it known himself. And God forbid someone might hurt his sister, he just would not let it happen.

"I think we should go to the park. What do you think Mandy?" He smiled knowing she loved St. Peters' park. They had always gone there together throughout the years growing up.

"Sure." She agreed happily. "When?" She asked.

"Now, if you are ready."

"Great." She jumped enthusiastically from the couch to go and geot her jacket. It was the middle of October and sure to be cold outside. She slipped her arms into her black coat and placed her favorite blue scarf around her neck, smiling as she rubbed some cherry lip gloss on her lips. Matt was at the door waiting for her with his car keys dangling from his hand.

"Ready." He beamed. She nodded her head in response and said her goodbye's to her parent's. She did not think it was possible but things were beginning to get better. The pain had not eased but at least she was finally finding ways to deal with it even if it was for a few short moments. It was something she knew she would have to learn, she did not want to make anyone else suffer watching her in pain.

He pulled into an empty parking space outside the gates of the park. As usual it was breath taking. Mandy loved coming to the park in Autumn, it was her favorite season of the year. Matt smiled watching her face light up like a Christmas tree as she walked through the gates, breathing in everything she saw. The green grass was decorated with red, yellow and brown coloured leaves. They strolled along the open pathway, silently listening to the wind whistle through the branches of the trees as their feet swept the leaves under them. The view of the river was to their right, they stopped and leaned on the metal bars watching the small boats sail past.

"I am proud of you Mand." He told her rubbing his hands together to warm them. She looked at him and smiled gently wanting him to continue, she had no idea what he was talking about. "The way you are handling everything, it amazes me how you do. It is like you are getting on for everyone else's sake which does not surprise me, you always were one for putting others before yourself." He could see her blush as she looked away. "It is like you cover the pain. But you don't have to keep it inside for everyone else's sake, Mand."

"Ok, which are you? Proud of me for moving on or worried because I keep things inside?" She laughed but was still confused. He scrunched his nose realizing he was not explaining himself very well.

"Both, I think. It just kills me to look at you every time someone mentions his name. Your hands automatically grip around your chest like it is going to break." She sighed. She had tried her best to keep her pain to herself but now she realized it was obvious to everyone around her. "Basically, I just want you to know that I am proud of you for trying, I have never seen anyone try so hard in my whole life but just remember no one is forcing you to move on so fast." She smiled gratefully but knew in her heart she was not trying hard enough. If she was wouldn't the empty feeling in her chest be gone?

"Thanks Matt. I always enjoy our heart to heart's." She turned her head to look at him.

"Yeah me too, but just don't tell anyone. I have a reputation to keep." He joked pushing her playfully.

"So I have been thinking," She started linking her arm in his as they began to walk again. "I think it about time we meet this girlfriend of yours." He looked at her with wide eye's. She may have been buried in her pain and grief but she knew when Matt was up to something. She knew there was someone he was not telling her about. "Oh come on, Matt," She continued. "Walking out of the room when your phone rings, that stupid grin that sets in your face when you read your text messages. I can read you like a book." He gasped and laughed in sheer shock.

"I will never have any secrets from you will I?" He nodded his head still in awe.

"A-ha so you do. Come on tell me everything! What is she like? What is her name? When do I get to meet her? Bet she is a Barbie, is she a Barbie?" She rolled out every question knowing it would annoy him. Mandy was never a girl for details, bare facts would suffice but this was her big brother and he had protected her for long enough, now it was her turn.

"Calm down there, Mandy, you are starting to hyperventilate." He joked. "Her name is Suzie." He smiled as he said her name. "And she is amazing. You will get to meet her in about three weeks, I was planning on bringing her to stay. Let mom scare her." He laughed. "And no she is not a Barbie." He spat.

"Matt, why am I only finding this out now?" She questioned.

"Mandy, did you honestly think I was going to go on and on about my girlfriend when you just lost Nick." Mandy's expression twisted to guilt. She would have wanted Matt to have been able to come to her about these things.

"I'm sorry." She mumbled.

"For what?" He blurted.

"For not being there." He stopped and gripped her by the shoulders. His stare was so intense she found herself having to look away.

"Don't you dare. Mandy you can't blame yourself for mourning your dead boyfriend." She flinched under his words. "Please don't. I can't bare it."

"Ok." She whispered feeling the tears sting her eye's. "Come on." She said tugging at him. "So I can't wait to meet her." She added trying to lighten the mood. He smiled, happy that she knew.

She positioned her slim body onto a wooden bench as they watched random people walk past. "I am thinking about going back to school Monday." She told him. His grin was wide.

"That's great Mand." He said rubbing her hand.

"Well, if I want to be joining you in college next year I think I really should go back." She sighed. The thoughts of going back to school were almost killing her.

"I can't wait for you to go to college next year. We are going to get in so much trouble." He said nudging her playfully. "Things are going to be great."

"If I get in." She added.

"Don't be stupid, you have brains to burn. There is nothing stopping you, only your negativity."

"Whatever Doctor Phil." She joked. It was then she heard her phone buzz to life in her pocket. She took it out and flipped it open.

"Hello." She answered.

"Hello Mandy, this is Doctor Roberts. Your test results are back, is there a chance you could come to see me.... Today?"