Losing Love

"What's wrong, Mand?" Matt asked, watching as she slid the phone back into her pocket, her face turning slightly paler.

"My test results are back and the Doctor wants to see me. It's probably nothing." She said waving her hand but still staring at the ground. She had no idea what the doctor wanted her for, there couldn't be anything seriously wrong with her she would have noticed that.

"When?" He questioned.

"Now. Do you mind dropping me off?"

"Do you even have to ask?" He smiled. They walked back the way they came and jumped into his red car. Mandy stayed silent the whole way to the doctors. Everything was running around in her head. She tried her best to add up possible reasons why the doctor needed to see her but she was coming up with blank. Maybe she was depressed, but she knew that would not show up in a blood test. She felt her heart pound furiously in her chest she was surprised Matt could not hear it. That nervous knot she despised so much found a way to form in her stomach.

She jumped as the car came to a stop outside the doctors. She was in such a daze she wasn't even taking notice to where they were.

"You want me to come in with you?" Matt asked before she got out of the car. She could see in his eye's he was concerned. It would give him a better piece of mind if he was inside. He could sit in the waiting room for her.

"Ah... sure. You can sit inside and wait." She agreed. He just nodded his head and took the keys from the ignition. She had already hopped out of the car and into the doctors. He followed her close behind.

"Mandy." She heard a familiar voice call as she passed the desk.

"Oh, hi, Marie." She thanked the heavens that she could at least remember the woman's name this time. "Doctor Roberts called, she needed to see me."

"Of course." She said. Mandy could clearly read the look of sympathy in her eye's. "She is just in with a patient, she won't be too long more. Just go and take a seat" There was a lot more people there than the last time she had been there. Sick children were coughing and sniffling as they played with the building bricks and other toys laid out for them. Matt pulled a funny face and smiled crookedly as he watched a mother wipe her child's nose in the corner. Mandy had to suppress a giggle as she watched him shiver at the sight.

She nudged him in the ribs: "Matt, stop staring!" She warned him so low she was sure nobody else could hear her.

Mandy hated waiting, especially when she knew there was something wrong. She sighed deeply and grunted. She did not know if it was going to be worse not knowing or knowing. She traced the the patterns of the square tiles on the ceiling above her.

Finally she heard the door open down the hall. Doctor Roberts caught her eye and motioned her to come in. Mandy could almost feel the dirty looks she was getting from the patients. She wasn't blaming them though. If she was sitting there like that for as long they were and some girl just strolled in before them when she had only arrived, she would have been mad too. She smiled at her brother before she disappeared into the small, brightly lit room of the doctors office.

"Please Mandy, sit down." The tall, fair haired Doctor Roberts said as she flattened out the creases in her long beige skirt and sat down at the other side of her desk. "How have you been feeling?" She asked as she locked her fingers together, leaning slightly on the desk.

"Fine. I think." Mandy said hesitantly, she did not know what to say.

"Ok well as you know we have your test results back." She stated swallowing hard. Mandy found herself doing the same. She could feel the clamminess of her palms. "Those tablets I gave you I need you to stop taking them straight away." Her tone was urgent. Mandy had totally forgotten about those tablets, she had never even started taking them.

"What's wrong with me?" She asked softly as her voice broke. She just wanted to get it out of the way.

"Before I tell you this I just want you to know that there are things you can do." She advised.

"Please will you just tell me." Mandy spat. She was getting anxious now. She found herself concentrating on her breathing, it was coming to her too fast.

"You probably haven't noticed because you have been occupied and if you have you have probably put it down to stress but can you think of the last time you have got a period?" Mandy stared at her blankly for a moment trying to make the most meaning from her words. Then, her face drained of whatever colour she had. She had not even noticed missing her period, she could not even remember the last time she got it. She tried her best to think back, but she couldn't, everything else was getting in the way.

"Are you telling me that I am preg.." She started but she could not say it.

"Pregnant. Yes." The doctor finished in a hushed tone. "Mandy are you ok?" She asked noticing her breathing coming at frantic rates. Her face was as white as snow and her big green eye's became even more prominent. She couldn't believe she missed something like that. She was so covered in grief that she did not even think of it. She was always careful to watch out for things like that but everything that happened with Nick she just did not think about it.

"No this can't be right." She breathed. "I can't be. No. But...." She stuttered, she had no idea what to say. There was nothing to distract her in her thought's, just blankness. Then it suddenly dawned on her that she was pregnant with Nick's child and he wasn't there. "Oh my God." She said as the tears built up in her eye's, her hand shot over her mouth. "He should be here. He should be sitting here holding my hand." She sobbed. The anger towards him was building inside her. How could he just leave her like this? He just gave up on himself, on her, on that thing that growing inside her and then he expected her to just let him go as if it was as simple as throwing away your favorite teddy-bear. He wanted it to be her decision to turn off that life support machine, the very thing that was keeping him alive and he expected her and everything else to be ok, to just move on. He did not think of her and what it would have done to her. Everyday since it felt like a stone of guilt was added to her shoulders. She gritted her teeth as she thought about the events of the past couple of weeks.

"Mandy there is options." The doctor interrupted. Mandy lifted her head and looked at her through her red and blotchy eye's. "If you don't want to go through with this, there is adoption. You could opt for open adoption, which would mean you could still see the child and obviously the last choice would be termination." Mandy's eye's widened. This was a massive shock to her and she knew she had to think about things, but she could never kill a life like that, she hated even the thoughts of it. She had done a project on it in school once and ever since she was completely against it. The idea of killing what was her child frightened her beyond anything else.

She had to get out of there. She had to get out of the room, it was getting smaller and smaller. It felt like the walls were closing in around her. She stood up pushing the chair swiftly away from the table.

"Mandy this is a massive shock. Maybe I could suggest a counselor or something." Doctor Roberts stated as she stood up with Mandy.

"I don't want your stupid counselor. I don't need help." She screamed as she turned, almost running for the door. She swung it open only to see Matt's worried face meet hers. He had obviously heard her scream.

"Mandy, love, what's wrong?" He asked urgently. She stood there shaking for a moment until she felt her knees get weak. She sunk into his arms as her sobs came faster.

"Oh God." She screamed over and over again through her sobs, her tears soaked through his shirt as she collapsed to the ground.