Losing Love

"Adoption? Have you gone totally mad, Mandy? You can't give this baby up for adoption!" Her mother's slammed her palm on the table. Her voice finally broke the five minute silence in the kitchen.

"Why not, mom? We both know I am too young for this. I have my whole life ahead of me." She defended herself trying to make her mother's famous sentence back fire on her.

"Don't give me that crap. There are plenty of girls out there who do it and still have a good life with a good career. You will have the baby before your end of school exams so you can still sit them. We are here to help out, as well as Kate and Mike." She demanded. Her hand's were beginning to tremble.

"Yes, I know that. I will have the baby before end of year exams and go and sit them without being a teenage mother. I think I know what is best for me."

"You are eighteen, how could you possibly know what is best for you?" Ruth shouted. It killed Mandy to see the look in her mother's hazel eyes but this was something she had to do.

"Exactly, mom, I am eighteen. I am not old enough to be a mother." She retorted, standing up to face her mother.

"Ladies, please." Her father begged. Matt had not said a word. Mandy guessed he was deliberating whose side he was going to take.

"This is going to be the biggest mistake of your life. What about Nick and his family? Have you even thought about them? Nick would have gone to the ends of the earth to stop you doing something like this." Ruth was pacing up and down the kitchen now, running her hand through her short brown hair. Beads of sweat forming on her forehead.

"I am sorry to break it to you mom, but just encase you haven't noticed Nick is dead. He isn't here when he is suppose to be." Her voice broke as tears of anger rose to her eye's. "It is better this way, at least the baby can have both parents to give it the life it deserves."

"I really don't think you are listening to me, Mandy. We are here for you, we can give it the life it deserves. That is our grand-child in there and you are just going to give it away." Ruth cried as she pressed her palms against Mandy's stomach. She backed away sharply in response.

"Please mom, don't." She whispered as the tears trailed down her cheeks.

"I never thought you would be so cold, Mandy. Please say you are going to think about this." Ruth bit down on her lip to stop it from trembling. Mandy looked at her with a blank expression.

"I have thought about it, mom." She said not looking her mother in the eye.

"Please James, talk to her. Tell her she is making a mistake." Ruth turned to her husband for some kind of back up. He just shrugged, looking helpless. Mandy swallowed hard, she had never seen her father look so distraught in her life.

"I'm sorry." She mouthed to her father as she watched the tears roll down his skin. She turned to face her mother again and saw that her mouth had formed into a hard line, her face becoming cold.

"You give that baby up for adoption and you can pack your bags and walk out that door." Her mother stated, staring her in the eye.

"Mom!" Matt objected, speaking for the first time since Mandy told them. "You can't just throw her out. This is Mandy's decision." Both Mandy and her mother were still staring at each other.

"This had nothing to do with you, Matt. Keep out of it!" She ordered.

"No, but it does have something to do with me, Ruth." James said firmly and stood up. "Mandy, is going nowhere. She is my daughter too and as much as I would like to support you, I will not see her walking the streets. This is her decision, Ruth. But I will ask her to think about something so serious before she acts on it and she also has to speak to Kate and Mike about this." Her mother's face dropped into a state of disbelief as she glared at her husband. Mandy was doing more damage than she expected. She did not want to divide her parents. She would happily pack her bags if it meant keeping them from fighting. This wasn't their fault.

"I can't believe you are siding with her." Ruth said, shaking her head and stormed furiously out of the room.

"I am sorry dad." Mandy cried, as her breathing came faster. The impact of her actions were coming into full effect. His broad frame wrapped her tightly in a hug as he kissed her head.

"Give her time." He assured her. "I am serious though, Mandy. I want you to speak with Nick's parents, this is as much there business as anybody else's and then I want you to think long and hard about what you are doing." He stated sternly. He kissed her again and left the room to find Ruth.

"Come here, sis." Matt said pulling her into a hug. Her sobs became muffled as she buried her head against his shoulder.

"I'm sorry." She cried. "I did not want to do this to all of you."

"Hush." He soothed as he rubbed her back. "Once you are healthy. You should get things sorted out with the hospital, ok?" He said, pulling her away and keeping her at arms length. "I will drive you tomorrow."

"I can drive myself." She sniffed.

"I don't trust you." He smiled weakly.

"Seriously, Matt." She said raising her eyebrows. "I have to go and see Nick's parents and I need to do that alone."

"Ok." He sighed. "Just promise me you will think about it. You would make a great mom, Mand. Uncle Matt, imagine that." He laughed lightly as he began to walk towards the door.

"Please Matt, I am bad enough, I don't need to imagine the cuteness of a baby."

"Sorry." He muttered. She brushed past him and walked out.

"Where are you going?" Her mother asked sounding concerned as she walked past the living room.

"Out!" She shouted, slamming the door behind her, flinching as the bang echoed in her ears. She was never the rebellious teenager but she got her moments and tonight she had an excuse.

"Mandy!" Her father called after her as she walked past the houses.

"Just drop it, dad." She shrugged, not even looking at him. She couldn't bare it. His face brought her more pain than she could handle. She kept on walking, she did not know where she was going and she wasn't taking notice but she knew if she stopped she would break down. It seemed that every woman that passed her was pregnant. Life was playing a very cruel trick on her and she did not like it.

The bitter wind finally made her tears stop, her skin felt sticky as they soaked in. She had been walking furiously for about thirty minutes before she felt the muscles in her legs ache. She stopped hearing loud distant laughter of several people. She sighed in disbelief looking at the plaque on the wall across the street. Pitter-Patter Playground stared her in the face. "There is something wrong with me." She muttered, trying to justify why she had walked for thirty minutes and ended up outside the place she found most repelling at the moment. "Oh what the heck." She gave in, crossing the street and through the gates of the playground. It reminded her a lot of Saint Peters park just not as beautiful. The gold and red leave fell on the grass the same way with the pathway up the middle. The bare trees made a canopy over her on both sides. There was no river though, just endless amounts of grass. She strolled along kicking the leaves from under her feet until she came to the play area. She sat on the bench across from it and watched. She watched the parents and saw how the happiness of their children brought them so much joy. She smiled lightly and looked down at her stomach. "There is actually somebody in there." She whispered poking at her jacket. She scrunched her nose still staring at her flat stomach. "You are going to make me so fat." It felt strange for her knowing there was another human being developing in her body.

She sat there for about ten minutes wondering how her child would look and what features of hers it would have. She had hoped it would have Nick's blue eye's with her nose and lips and his brown hair. Without even realizing, baby names began swarming in her head. Stop it, she shouted in her head, you can't get attached. She looked up again and grunted watching the children. Guilt was beginning to rise in her like she had never felt before. "There are children everywhere." She breathed, holding her head in her hands.

"Well, you are in a playground." She jumped at the sound of a deep voice coming from beside her. She looked up only to see a young man sitting beside her, his ash brown hair was cut very short.

"Do you get a kick out of scaring people?" She spat.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to. I just thought it was funny. You are complaining about children and you are sitting in a playground."

"Yes, well, glad I amuse you." She folded her arms and turned her head away in her best attempts to hide her embarrassment.

"Have we met before?" He asked, sounding serious.

She rolled her eye's and shook her head. "I am really not in the mood for the cheesy chat up lines." She breathed, rubbing her forehead.

He laughed at her and she darted a look at him. "If looks could kill." He blurted, still laughing.

"I am sorry, but did you want something?" She barked.

"I was serious. I do know you."

She rolled her eye's again and inhaled deeply. She really was not in the mood for this guy. "Enlighten me." She said staring into his dark caramel eye's. She could see his strong jaw line flinch as he pressed his teeth together searching her face as if trying to find out who she was.

"Are you Matt Parker's sister?" He asked reluctantly. Her mouth dropped as her eye's became wide. "I will take that as a yes." He said chuckling. "Mandy, right?"

"Ok, that is scary." She stuttered.

"Sorry," He smiled. "I go to college with Matt, he talks about you a lot and I saw you in a photo." He told her. "I'm Josh." He introduced himself.

"Oh," She exclaimed, finally letting his words sink in as she shook his hand. "So what are you doing around here if you go to college with Matt?" She asked.

"I have family that live close by, we were visiting."

"And what is your explanation for a twenty-one year old man in a playground?" She smiled.

"Twenty-two actually," He corrected her as he chuckled. "See the blonde." Mandy looked over at the play area and squinted her eye's in the direction of where he was pointing.

"There's about six blondes over there." She stated, looking at the group of woman talking.

"I am talking about the small bossy one that is currently pushing everyone out of her way on the slide, not the women."

"Oh," She laughed awkwardly at her stupidity. "Yes I see her." She said, watching the little girl whose hair fell to her shoulders. She was smaller than everyone on the slide but they seemed to fear her whatever she was doing. Mandy laughed as she saw the little girl place her hands on her hips and give some boy about twice her size a look that could only be described as dangerous.

"Well, that is my niece." A proud smile holding his face.

"Looks like she has a way with the men." Mandy laughed.

"So what's your excuse?" He asked, looking at her now.

"You know, I have been asking myself the very same question since I walked in here." She said her cheeks turning a light pink under her embarrassment.

"Uncle Josh!" She heard a small musical voice call. She looked up to see the small blonde run towards him.

"What's up kiddo?" He smiled placing her on his lap.

"I think I should get going?" Mandy said, standing up. She could feel the blood rush through her legs like acid. She could not stand there and watch as he had a sentimental moment with his niece. It was too much for her. Watching cute children run around her was not helping her keep to her decision.

"Hey, do you need a lift?" Mandy stared at him for a moment. Was he actually asking her to get into a car with him? She had just met him.

"I don't even know you." She stated.

"But I know your brother."

"For all I know you could be some freaky stalker." He laughed deeply as a response.

"Uncle Josh." The little blonde interrupted. "What is a stalker?" The both looked at each other and smiled.

"Nothing sweetie." He told her. She seemed content with the answer he gave her. With that, she heard her phone ring in her pocket. She looked at the caller id. "Great timing." She muttered looking at Matt's name flash in front of her.

"Hey." She answered.

"Mandy, where are you?" She sighed deeply. He sounded worried.

"In the Pitter-Patter playground." She heard him snort at the other end of the line.

"You walked all the way there? You are lot more weird than what I thought. Having fun in the swing?" He joked. She rolled her eye's. Matt could never be in a bad mood for long. He seemed to be already getting over the situation with her.

"Yes, they are great, Matt. Want to come and collect me?" She asked.

"Give me the phone!" Josh stood up, reaching out his hand. She looked at him skeptically but gave in.

"There is someone here who would like to talk to you." She informed her brother and handed Josh the phone.

"Hey, Matt. It's Josh how are you, man?" She heard him ask. She stared at him with her eye's wide with shock as she watched him go into a deep conversation with her brother. Laughing and joking about something she was extremely intrigued to know. "I told her I would bring her home. You don't mind do you? Ok, man. Talk to you in a bit." He closed down her phone and smiled smugly. "See, told you so."

"Care to tell what is going on here?" She asked placing her hand's firmly on her hips.

"I am taking you home. Come on." He said picking up his niece and walking away.

"Who said I am going to go with you? I only just met you." She challenged.

He stopped and turned to face her and shrugged. "Well can't say I didn't offer. Enjoy the walk, Mandy. Nice meeting you." He simply said and walked away. She smiled as the little girl in his arms who was waving at her uncontrollably urging her to come with them.

"Come on Mandy." She shouted in her little musical voice. She bit down on the inside of her jaw and rolled her eye's.

"Fine." She grunted and walked after him.

He stopped and turned to her smiling. "Guess you don't like walking." He laughed.

"Shut up." She spat. "Will you promise to stop with the smart remarks before I get into the car?" She asked waiting for a response.

"I won't promise anything, but I can try." She rolled her eye's as she looked up at him. He was at least six foot compared to her five foot eight inches, she was looking up at his strong frame. He wasn't busting with muscles but it was enough to show her he worked out.

"You're pretty!" The little girl interrupted staring at Mandy.

"Oh, thank you. You should see yourself, bet you have lots of boyfriends." She smiled.

"Only three." She said casually and Mandy erupted into a fit of laughter.

"I don't need to know. La la la." Josh joked, singing, trying not to listen to her. "Please wait a couple of years at least kid." He begged.

"What is your name?" Mandy asked her.

"Kerry." She answered and flashed a smile. "I am five next week. Want to come to my party?" Mandy had to laugh at her. She was adorable.

"I will think about it." She said. She was lying, she had no intentions of going to a party full of brats. Besides, she lived in a different city. They were only here on a visit. She seemed happy with the answer though.

"Let me down, Josh." She ordered as she wriggled out of his arms. He let her down and she squeezed in beside Mandy gripping her hand. "I like you." She stated.

"Oh well... thank you. I like you too." Mandy stuttered, under the little girl's touch.

"Wow, that is rare." Josh said sounding shocked. "She never likes anybody." He whispered and smiled. "You must be good with kids. You look like you have the knack."

She smiled awkwardly at the irony of his words. She could feel her palms get clammy. The pain of everything that was going on in her life was suddenly shooting through her body again and she felt like curling up in a ball. If only he knew, she thought to herself, if only he knew.