Losing Love

The sound of a car pulling in knocked her out of her trance. She turned her head slowly, not really caring who it was but she would have noticed that black jeep anywhere. Her tired sore eye's blinked as she saw his face. Confusion was written all over it but then she remembered she was sitting on the side of the road, crying and probably screaming.

"Mandy?" Josh questioned as he saw the sorrowful look on her face. It would have broken anyone's heart. Her beautiful face was blotchy and her eye's were rimmed red. When he completely digested the look on her face he ran to her side. "Mandy are you ok?" He bent down beside her. She just stared at him, more tears falling from her green eye's. The sparkle she was loved for was there but her grief covered it. She did not know what to say to him. He probably thought she was gone mad. " I know about your boyfriend." He whispered, giving her time to calm down. She looked at him but her expression was blank. He thought she was crying because of Nick. She was, but it was so much more than that, it was everything combined. "Matt told me the reason he was coming home before he left." He continued. "I'm sorry." He said. He knew he shouldn't have thought of her like that but right then he didn't think he had ever seen anything more beautiful in his life. He shook the thoughts quickly from his head. He had to remind himself that this girl's boyfriend just died.

She looked at him and nodded wiping away the tears from her eye's. "It's ok. Thanks. So what are you doing stalking me?" She tried her best to lighten her mood. It was embarrassing enough sitting there crying her eye's out.

He laughed lightly but couldn't stop himself from staring at her. "No I was just on my way back home. Back to college in two days time." He reminded her. She sighed knowing Matt would have to leave tomorrow.

"Oh." She exclaimed. "I'm fine. You don't have to be here. You can leave." She said weakly staring back at him.

"Hardly, Mandy. Besides, what kind of person would I be if I left you on the side of the road by yourself?" He smiled. The stayed silent for a long moment watching how the mist fell through the forest, pushing the gold leaves from the trees. She could feel the tears creep back to her eye's and a lump form in her throat until her quiet sobs caught in her breath and she broke down again, feeling the endless tears stream down her face. She stood up needing the air to flow into her lungs. She felt like thousands of rocks were leaning on her chest. She closed her eye's and tried to dry her face with her palm. She gasped as she felt his strong arms take her into his embrace. Her sobs became muffled against his chest. His stroked her hair trying his best to sooth her. She stood there for a few moments embracing his strong arms around her. She suddenly felt protected, like nothing else in the world could harm her.

She closed her eye's only to see Nick's face flash in front of her. She froze and swallowed hard, releasing her grip from around his body. She shook her head trying to get his face out of her head. Usually she would welcome it but not today. It brought a pain she never thought she would witness. A pain that made her feel like falling to the ground. How was she doing this to him? She had not even gotten over him yet and here she was in the arms of a strange man. She backed away from Josh slowly, the pain still banging at her chest like a hammer. A voice in the back of her head continued to tell her how selfish and cruel she was. She deserved everything she got.

More tears watered her eye's as she watched him stare at her, she could have swore he looked disappointed, like he wished she had never turned away. It was killing her. It was eating away at every ounce of her body, adding fresh wounds to her guilt and grief. She backed away another few steps until she felt the coldness of her car touch her body. She leaned against it for a moment regaining her balance.

"I need to go." She rushed, as she wiped away the tears from her swollen eye's. She knew she should have never let that happen. "I'm sorry. Thank you for everything." She said quickly, turning to open the door. She fumbled as she tried to pull the handle. Her sobs were coming too fast and making her shake. She sighed and closed her eye's briefly when she finally opened the door. As she was about to lower her body into the seat she felt a warm grip around her wrist. She turned slowly in shock to look at his pained face. He swallowed hard and sighed deeply.

"You're too upset. You can't drive." He whispered, staring at her. He loosened his grip slightly but kept it tight enough to know she would not leave his side. She bit down on her lip feeling the blood pulse underneath it. "I know how your hurting." He added wiping away her tears. Her eye's widened. She didn't want this, she did not need it.

She fiercely ripped her hand from his grip. "You have no idea how I am hurting." She stated bitterly. "You have never felt pain like this, it wouldn't be normal if you did." Her tears were now more tears of frustration, with both herself and with life. "You don't know what it feels like to look into the eye's of your family and see so much hurt, hurt that you have caused. It kills you so bad you think you have been stabbed thousands of times. You don't know what it feels like to cry yourself to sleep at night because you can't get the painful images out of your head or to wake up first thing in the morning and cry." She spat. "Do want to know why I cry?" He stared at her and swallowed hard. "I cry because I have woken up." She whispered. She heard him gasp quietly at her answer but she was only being honest. Then, she realized that this wasn't his fault. She was taking her own problems out on a man she did not even know. She inhaled deeply feeling the air sweep past her, blowing her hair over her face. "I'm sorry." She sighed, placing her hair behind her ear. "This isn't your fault. You were just trying to be nice and I bite your head off." She apologized.

"Don't be sorry." He smiled weakly and in his eye's she knew he did not blame her, not one bit. If anything it made him want to hold her even more but he knew better not too, especially after last time. There was nothing about her he could hate, he couldn't bring himself to do it.

"Thank you." She said gratefully, rubbing her arms trying her best to protect herself from the cold. "But I really should go."

"I know. And it wasn't a problem. See you in college?" He asked and smiled widely extending his hand.

She laughed lightly. She couldn't believe he was being so nice to her after she almost attacked him the way she did. She reached her hand out and placed it in his. "College." She agreed, smiling back at him. She turned after a moment and lowered her body into her car. She waved as she drove back onto the road and smiled watching him stand there through the rearview mirror staring after her until she was out of sight. She gasped when he disappeared. The pain hit her like a million bullets. She could feel the sensation run all the way to the tips of her fingers. She was feeling everything else up until now apart from that. She thought it was guilt but it wasn't, Mandy already knew what that felt like. She was doing something to Nick she swore she never would. She never knew betraying someone could hurt so badly.