Losing Love

School was the nightmare she thought it would be. Glares from across the hall, pitiful glances as she was getting books from her locker. A few people looked disgusted. She knew what they were thinking, what is she doing here, she should be by his side? She felt like standing in the middle of the corridor and screaming. It would have shut their stupid looks.

The only people that had acted someway normal was her close friends. She gave them a stiff warning before she walked into the hell hole that was school. She watched the three of them walk towards her in the parking lot.

"Don't even think about it. I know, you probably think I am the biggest bitch to walk the planet. But I am being forced to be here." They looked at her and narrowed their eye's in confusion.

"We don't think you are a bitch, Mandy. We are proud of you." Her friend Sally assured her.

"Yeah Mand, we think it's great you are here. You were spending too much time at the hospital. I would say you are very brave." Ben said rubbing her hand and tugging at her to walk with them. She had made several attempts to turn back on her way but they dragged her along.

"Guys, I can't stand this. I should go home."

"You haven't a hope, Mandy Parker. If I have to pull you by the legs you are going to face this place. We are going to be by your side all the way." Garry smiled. It was times like this she wished she was a loner with no friends. Someone that nobody knew. She hated any type of attention, especially sympathy. She grunted and obeyed for their sake. If it was up to her she would be at home or at the hospital right now.

She had got through the front door in one piece but that was mainly because she chose to come to school ten minutes earlier than she usually would. That way she would be sure nobody would be there. She was right, the halls were deserted. Shame it only lasted five minutes. Their stares made her feel like she was the one that was sick. She just could not understand them as much as she tried. It just annoyed her to look at them so she kept her eye's to the ground.

"Ready?" She jumped with shock and banged her head off of her locker door. The locker she had been hiding her face in.

"Christ, Ben. Do you always sneak up on people like that?" She hissed rubbing her head were the pain had erupted.

"What did you want me to do? Calling you from half way down the hall would have turned some heads and I thought you didn't want that?" She knew he was right, she really needed to calm down and relax. She was picking her mood out on her friend's and that was not fair on them. They were hurting just as much as she was. She had to remind herself that Nick was also their friend.

"Ugh-" She sighed. "-Come on lets go, the faster we get this over and done with the better." She kept her eyes to the floor, tracing the design of the tiles as she walked to English class.

She sat in her normal seat two places from the front, next to Sally. Her teacher, Mrs. Morgan walked into the class and halted at the door when she saw Mandy had rejoined her class. She had only attended about two weeks of school since the school year had started at the end of August, it was now the end of September. She continued to walk to her desk, her young eye's starting to sag with sadness. Breathe, Mandy. She told herself. Snapping at her favorite teacher would not be a good idea.

"O...Ok class." She said with a shaky voice, all the time keeping her eye's on Mandy. Mandy threw her eye's in the air and turned her head to the desk. "Open up Shakespeare's 'Macbeth' at Act two scene three." Mandy could feel her concerned look penetrate through her. Will you go away woman, she screamed in her head. She heard her continue about the theme of kingship in Macbeth but she blocked it out. It was just a constant ringing in her ears.

"Mandy, honey, are you ok?" She heard a whisper coming from beside her. For the second time today Mandy jumped. She had not noticed it but she had gone on another one of her day dreams. She found herself doing that an awful lately.

"Huh? Oh sorry, miss. Yeah I am ok. I'm taking down the notes now." She picked up her pen and started writing on the blank page in front of her.

"You don't have to, Mandy. It is ok. Just sit and rest." She rubbed her back but Mandy didn't feel comforted. She didn't want this woman's pity. She realized that her teacher only wanted to support her but that was not what she wanted. Sally must have noticed her unease and gripped her hand tightly to calm her down but she pulled away sharply.

"I appreciate your support, but right now I don't need it." She raised her voice slightly, it was loud enough for the whole class to hear. She could feel their eye's dig into her back.

"We know Mandy. We know it's hard." Her teacher added. She stood up, the metal legs of the chair scraped along the floor.

"No I really don't think you know how it feels. Miss Morgan, with all due respect, do you know how it feels to sit by a hospital bed and watch the person you love wither away before your very eye's?" Now her voice was getting louder and she could feel the anger boil inside her. She turned and faced the rest of the class. "Don't you dare look at me as if you know exactly what I am going through. As if my life is falling apart. And yes maybe my life is falling apart but that is not for any of you lot to tell me." She felt the tears rise to her eye's, threatening to spill over. "I can't handle any of you looking at me like that. So yes maybe my boyfriend is dying." She gasped at the realization of her words. That was the first time she had said it so bluntly. Fear stiffened her body. She found her breathing quicken in pace. The room began to spin. "He is dying." She repeated over and over again softly to herself, lowering her eye's to the floor.

"Sit down Mandy. You are going to faint." Sally pushed her down into the chair and she obeyed without rejection. She had avoided those words for so long. She flinched every time someone said it but refused to say it herself.

The intercom crackled to life and the secretaries voice boomed through it: "Could Mandy Parker come to the office immediately, please?" She stared at the brown box on the wall looking amazed for a moment like she had not taken notice to her name being called. Then, as if she was a robot she stood up with shaky legs and packed everything into her school bag. Without saying a word she walked out of the class room and down the hall.

"What do they need me at the office for?" She muttered. She almost passed it out only for she saw Matt at the corner of her eye. "Matt what are you doing-" She gasped realizing exactly why he was here. "Oh God." She held her shakey hand to her mouth.

"Mandy, we need to get you to the hospital, now. I'm sorry sweetheart but Nick has taken a turn for the worst." She had already left the room and was heading towards the door. She was practically running as she approached down the hall. She felt Matt's hand grab her coat. "No Mand, you are coming with me in my car. You are in no state to drive."

She jumped into his black truck as he headed in the direction of the hospital. "Don't you dare die on me now, Nick. Don't you dare." She repeated the whole way there.

As they pulled in front of the entrance to Saint Andrew's hospital, the door was already open, her legs dangling from the chair waiting for the truck to stop. She rushed through the automatic doors and up the white corridor to where Nick's ward was. She could hear her the blood pound furiously behind her ears. Her legs ached as she ran up the stairs, taking two steps at a time.

As she neared the end of the hallway, she saw his mother slouch uncomfortably over the green chair, her head in her hand's and her husband's supportive palm on her shoulder. Please be alive, please be alive, Mandy repeated again and again in her head.

"Oh, Mandy, love, there you are." His mother stood from the chair and wrapped her arms around her. She kept her in her embrace a little bit longer than needed. Mandy hadn't noticed the tears running down her face until she saw the stain of the tear drops on Kate's blouse. She pulled away from her slowly and wiped her eye's.

It was all happening too fast. One minute she is in school defending her right to mourn in peace and next she is in the hospital with the person she is mourning for. Nurses rushed in and out of his room. She saw him through the blinds. His lifeless body hung limp as they injected him with different needles. "Blood pressure is dropping." She heard one of the nurses yell and at the same time could hear the constant slow distant beep of the monitor. Doctor Richardson spat out different orders, words that Mandy could not even pronounce flowed out his mouth. "Blood pressure is still falling. What do you want to do?" The nurse asked anxiously watching the monitor.

"Well, I'll be damned if you think I am giving up on him." She saw the doctor lean over and whisper something in his ear. He had been Nick's doctor for so long, he knew him like a friend.

"Come on, Nick. Come on. Please." She heard his mother mutter beside her. She spotted an elderly woman standing outside the ward next to Nick's. Her eye's were brimmed with tears as she watched Mandy's helpless face. She saw a Rosary Bead in her hand and it was then she heard her, "Hail Mary full of grace. The lord is with thee....." She began the prayer slowly pronoucing each word carefully as if his life depended on every sylable. I hope it works, thought Mandy.

She was numb. She couldn't feel anything. She had to pinch herself to make sure it wasn't a nightmare. She could feel the corridor spin. The blood in her legs felt like it was turning to water and her bones were turning to jelly. She stumbled over her own two feet but Matt caught her just before she fell face first onto the tiled floor. "Whoa! Hang in there, sis." He breathed as she supported her weight against him.

"Blood pressure is going back up." The same nurse as before yelled but the worry never left her small face. Mandy waited about fifteen minute, shifting her weight from one leg to another and then they cleared away their things and the nurses left the room. Doctor Richardson, exited the room and turned to face them.

"He is stable, for now. We will keep a close watch on him just in case something like this happens again. He should wake fairly soon. He will be a little bit groggy but other than that he should know who you are and where he is." He informed Nick's parents. Mandy heard them ask what exactly happened him but she had already wandered into the room to be with him. She sat next to him in the chair she had spent most of the past few weeks sitting in. She took his hand and pressed it against her cheek.

"You are such a jerk, do you know that? Was that your idea of a prank? Trying to give me a heart attack or something?" She felt the tears flow down her face and the sobs caught in her throat as she spoke. "God, Nick, don't you ever do that to me again! I should have never went back to school. I should have been here with you."

"There was nothing you could have done for him, Mandy." She heard his mother speak from behind her. Her eye's were sore and blotchy from crying. "They even threw me out."

"I know, but I just wish I could have been here." She sobbed.

"I know, honey. But he is stable now and he wouldn't want you beating yourself up like this. He is going to wake up any time now, just you wait and see." She wanted to believe her so much but she couldn't find the power in herself to do it. What if he doesn't wake up, she suddenly thought. Would this be her last time speaking to him? As if sensing her unease his mother said quietly: "He can hear you. You can speak to him if you would like." Mandy nodded slowly and turned to face him. She saw Kate's shadow move towards the door. She was leaving to give her some privacy.

"Hey sweetie," She began feeling stupid, he couldn't even talk back to her. She laughed nervously. What are you? You have been his friend since you were four and going out two years. You knew this day was going to come, now get a grip on yourself, Mandy, she told herself. "See that big bright beautiful light you are looking at. Turn away. It's dangerous Nick. You don't want to die, you big idiot. So turn away from that light. It may not look ugly but once you get passed it, it is a whole different story. False advertising if you ask me. Seriously, what-" She stopped hearing him moan quietly as he tightened his eyelids.

"You always did have a crappy sense of humor." He opened his eye's slowly, his voice was tight as if it was straining him to speak. She sighed deeply. Tears flooding her eye's as she held her hand to her mouth in sheer relief. She closed her eyelids thanking the heavens. She made a mental note to go and kiss that woman she had seen a few minutes earlier saying the prayer for him.

"You think I have a crappy sense of humor? You just played dead and think you are going to get away with it." She had to force the light hearted tone from her mouth. It wasn't anywhere near what she felt but he laughed gently, wincing from the pain it was causing him.

Before she knew it his parents where rushing into the room and hugging him. "You trying to kill this beautiful girl, here?" His father smiled pointing at Mandy. "She was having palpitations outside the door." She could tell that his father was also forcing himself to sound cheerful. Nick turned his head to Mandy, his eye's narrowed as he looked at her. She waved off his father's last comment,

"Take no notice." She whispered leaning her head down to kiss him. A smile tugged at his mouth as the scent of her cherry shampoo floated across his face. He had to remind himself to breathe in her presence. Her caramel hair flowed to half way down her back. Her big green eye's were fringed with long dark eyelashes. Her full tender lips felt soft as she brushed them against his and her sallow skin made him gasp every time she touched him. He was officially the luckiest guy on the planet.

They could not stop staring at each other. It felt perfect. Everyone in the room disappeared, they did not matter anymore. "I love you so much it hurts." He told her feeling a lump form in his throat. There was something different about the way he spoke the words. He told her he loved her everyday but this felt different to her. Like he would never get the chance to say it again.

"I love you, too." She replied, her hand in his as she feathered his cheek with her free one.

"Nick. Nick." She called noticing his eye's beginning to close. But before she could say anymore his eye's shot open but not in response to his name. The were wide with fear. Then, she saw them swirl back behind his eyelid's. "Nick. Nick!" She screamed but before she knew it the nurses flew past her and held tightly to his shaking body.

"Page Doctor Richardson-" She yelled. "-He is relapsing."

"Nick. Don't you dare. You love me Nick. Stay here. Please." She pleaded through her sobs.

"Blood pressure is dropping. Where the hell is Doctor Richar-" The doctor ran in the door and was already giving out orders as he approached Nick's shaking body. "Hang in there, kid." He said. Mandy was still sobbing as she stood at the foot of the bed.

She closed her eye's, only hearing the chaotic noises filling the room. That was when she heard the beep on the monitor slow to a pace she a never heard it before.

The doctor stared at her worryingly: "Can someone get her the hell out of here!"