Losing Love

"Rise and shine." Mandy yawned, hearing a cheery voice in the distance. A nudge in the arm soon drew her to reality. She moaned opening her eye's slowly. She could have slept forever. The bright daylight that was shining through her window made her eye's feel like they were being pulled out. Her mother's small frame was standing over her bed, her hands placed firmly on her rounded hips.

"Come on, get up! You have your ultrasound today." Ruth ordered, pulling the silk covers back on the bed. Mandy shivered as the cold morning air blew over her skin like ice.

"Close the window, Mom." She moaned, her voice sounding hoarse and sleepy.

"Don't be so silly. You need some air, it will wake you up."

"I would prefer not to freeze to death in the process." She said, sitting up pulling the covers over her feet. She rubbed the sleep out of her eye's and looked to her clock on the bedside locker. It was nine in the morning, she did not have her ultrasound until one. Her mother really was going around the bend. Be glad she is even talking to you, she reminded herself throwing her legs over the side of the bed. She slipped her feet into the warmth of her white fluffy slippers and stood up feeling the blood rush through her body, right down to her feet.

Tiredly, she stumbled to the bathroom, trying her best not to fall flat on her face. Closing the door behind her she turned on the cold tap, letting it run for a moment. She cupped her hands under the water and splashed some on her face.

That ought to wake her up.

She pressed her palms on the sink and sighed looking at the dark shadows that were forming around her eye's. She really needed to sort that one out. She looked like she was on her way to being rested into a hole. She stayed in the bathroom for awhile longer waiting for the nausea to settle in but it didn't. Maybe, it might be saving her the bother of it today. Nope, she definitely was not that lucky. She would just have to wait it out patiently.

She sighed deeply and made her way down the stairs. She closed her eye's and tried not breath, the smell of a hot breakfast filled her senses making her mouth water, but not in a pleasant way. She swallowed hard and took three deep breaths - through her mouth. She cringed at the site of sausages, eggs and toast laid out in a plate in front of her. She rubbed her hand over her throat in a soothing motion. Damn that stupid morning sickness. Any other morning - Well, any other non-pregnant morning she would have devoured the food but not this morning. Her stomach suddenly felt like something was tearing her insides out through her mouth.

She glanced at her father who was smiling happily to himself reading the newspaper. Her mother busied herself cleaning up after breakfast.

"Morning." She greeted them, taking a seat at the table, doing everything but not look at the food. Instead, she filled her glass with orange juice and sipped it slowly. Maybe that would wash away the taste in her mouth.

"Sleep well?" Her father asked, still smiling as he folded the newspaper and discarded it to one side.

"Yep." She replied, trying to sound as cheery as she could. She was never a morning person.

"Eat your breakfast, Mandy! You are going to need all the energy you can get." She rolled her eye's and lowered her head to look at the food.

Whoa, bad idea. Her mouth watered again and she could have sworn her face was turning green. She looked to her father pleading with him to take the damn plate away from her.

"Maybe just orange juice for our Mandy this morning." He said, quickly lifting the plate out of her sight. She smiled at him gratefully.

She heard her mother tut and curse something under her breath but she did not argue.

"I better be off." Her father stood taking his coat from behind the chair and placing his long arms into the sleeves.

"Where you going?" Mandy asked, raising her eye's from her glass of orange juice.

"Work." He answered, kissing her on the forehead.

"Dad, you don't work until the evenings." Her father was the owner of the most popular restaurant in town. It was left to him when his father died six years ago, thus making it more of a family environment rather than a business. The same people worked there for years, well ever since Mandy could remember and the younger staff were usually the children of the people already working there. She saw them more as a second family.

"Yeah, we have an early morning delivery. I'm going to go and help out." He shrugged casually.

Mandy loved that about her father. He never boasted, he saw himself more as one of the workers than he did the owner.

He kissed his wife and headed for the front door. "Oh Mandy." He called before leaving.

"Uh huh?" She replied lazily, her eye's were scanning through an article in the newspaper. Something about college applications.

"We are short of workers tonight, Hayley caught some bug and Marie has gone on holidays, would you mind filling in?" She opened her mouth to tell him she would only be happy to but her mother cut in with one of her you-better-grab-your-earplugs type of grunt.

"James, she can't work in that hot sticky restaurant in her condition." She almost screamed.

Mandy rolled her eye's in distaste. She thought her mother had gotten over telling her what to do.

"Calm down, Mom. I would prefer my ear drum to stay in my ear and not back my throat." She hissed. "And Dad, I don't mind working tonight." She assured him.

She rolled her eye's as her mother grunted, waving her hands in defeat. She could hear her father chuckle as he left.

She tried her best to keep her mothers killer stare but there was no way she was going to match that woman's will power.

"What?" She said, narrowing her eyebrow's. "It will get me out of the house."

"There is just no talking to you. Impossible." Ruth muttered, turning to finish the cleaning.

That reminded Mandy why she and her mother never got on a great deal. Her mother was too demanding, too controlling and just too damn protective. And Mandy, well Mandy was just Mandy - so laid back she was practically horizontal. They clashed like a two car collision sometimes. But even though they had their bad moments, Mandy knew that deep inside her mother was doing everything for her own good.

"I am going to take a shower." Mandy told her before either of them got the chance to argue about something else.

After her shower she went to her room and pulled out the nearest suitable outfit she could find. Navy jeans and a white t-shirt. She dried her hair quickly not bothering to straighten it. Instead she let its natural wavy kink flow down her back.

She was nervous and she had no idea why. It was an ultrasound not her death sentence. Still, the thoughts of that jelly stuff being rolled around her stomach made her want to gag.

She applied some mascara to her eyelashes and rubbed some of her favorite cherry lip gloss on. Boom, back to some normality. Well as normal as you could get in her situation.

"Ready?" Her mother called from downstairs. She looked at her clock again, it was only eleven.

"Ready for what? My appointment isn't until one." She reminded her mother as she made her way down the stairs.

"Yes, I know." Ruth said shaking her head. "But I want to stop of at the health shop."

Mandy screamed inwardly. This could not be happening. Her mother was going to get all herbal and healthy on her. And another day of being dragged around sticky overheated shops was not the most appealing.

"Mom, I am fine." She sighed, throwing her head back.

"Yes, of course you are fine but better safe than sorry." Ruth winked.

There was no way in hell she was going to get around this woman. Ugh, why her? Life definitely was not letting up on her. With a loud grunt she gave in, pulling her unwilling legs to the car.

It was just how she expected it to be. Her life had officially become hell with her mother had suddenly sprouted horns. She dragged her into every health shop in town. Mandy never knew one person could buy so many brands of iron tablets and some other oily stuff that her mother would have to pin her to the ground if she wanted her to take it. The tablets she could get over, but thick brown stuff sliding down her throat was not in her list of things she was very fond of.

Mandy felt her eye's getting heavier by the minute as her mother went on and on and on about the vitamins she would need and everything that would keep her body healthy.

In reality, did she care?

No!

So what on earth was all the fuss about? She ate healthy, she didn't smoke. She didn't mind taking one or two tablets a day but when she saw her mother walk enthusiastically out of the shop with a bag full of medication her jaw almost hit the floor. A full bag. What did she think she was? There was only so much her gag reflex would allow.

And did she mention it was a full bag?

"Mom, what the hell are you doing? Christ, I'm not harboring a monster in there." She blurted.

"Watch your mouth!" Ruth droned, taking a large bottle of liquid from the brown paper bag.

Mandy almost threw up looking at it. Then, she read the label and she knew there was no way she was going to swallow it. She couldn't. Oh God, what was her mother trying to do to her?

"Liquid Coral Calcium? Give me a break, Mom." She moaned.

"It is good for you and the baby. Good for your bones because believe me when you are pushing an eight pounder out through your birth canal you will know all about it." Mandy flinched at even the thought of it. Great, wasn't that just amazing for the confidence boost. "You have to take these things, you know? You can't give another family a baby that isn't healthy. It would be like chipping an ornament and then giving it to somebody else for their birthday."

Mandy's eyes narrowed and her head tilted to one side, staring at her mother. She never could quite understand the woman and she always knew there was something missing in her upstairs department but did she just compare her baby to an ornament you give to somebody for their birthday? Wow, that woman thinks big. That would be one serious birthday present.

"Ok, Doctor Phil, put away those things before you hurt someone. Get your butt up we are going to be late, woman." She stood up from the bench in the shopping center. Finally, she could go get her ultrasound and go back to normal, without herbal tablets and calcium liquid.

The waiting room in the clinic was large, filled with blue plastic chairs occupied with endless amounts of mother's to be. She jumped as Ruth wrapped the palm of her hand tightly around Mandy's thigh. "Will you stop bouncing your leg uncontrollably!" She ordered, through gritted teeth, then turned her head. "You are like someone with a hyperactive disorder."

Mandy rolled her eye's. "Well, I asked you to get me tested years ago." She teased, sticking out her tongue. She could see a smile tug at the edge of her mother's mouth. "Oh, Mom, don't smile your face might crack." She laughed.

Before her mother could respond a small nurse called her name. A chart sprawled across her chest over her white coat.

"Doctor Peters, will be with you in just a moment. Just take a seat on the bed Miss. Parker." She flashed a wide grin at them both, her high pitched friendly voice echoing throughout the small room.

Mandy pulled herself onto the white bed, feeling her jeans stick to the leather underneath. Her leg was starting to rattle again. A sure sign she was nervous.

"Ok. Hello Mandy." A tall blond doctor stepped into the room. Again wearing the same long white coat and wide grin. Her sun kissed tan looked like she had walked straight off of the beach. Her small brown eye's became even smaller with her big smile taking over her face. Mandy wondered if she always walked around like that because she was still smiling as she strolled around the bed to Mandy's side. She could see the muscles in her jaw begin to twitch.

"Hi." Mandy greeted her, with a smile of her own and shook her hand.

"So, its your first ultrasound. Exciting stuff." To Mandy her enthusiasm sounded like she should be jumping in the air. This doctor was really becoming painful to watch. Maybe if she scarred her a little bit she might calm down on the funny face.

"Yep, it is." Mandy said, biting down on her bottom lip. She could feel her mother was doing the very same thing and knew if they looked at each other there would be no stopping them. She closed her eye's tightly for a moment and tried to think of something other than the Doctor.

"Ok, if you will just lye back for a moment." She patted the top of the bed. Mandy pushed her body up on the bed and laid back. "Now this will be a little bit cold." She warned - again with the smiley face - and lifted Mandy's t-shirt. She shook the bottle until the blue gel poured over Mandy's stomach. Then, she pressed the white transducer probe on the lower part of her stomach.

She smiled as she felt her mother's warm hand grip hers. The doctor pressed harder and moved around and something Mandy never knew was possible happened - her smile got wider. That woman was seriously giving her the creeps.

"Ok." She chimed. "There is your uterus." She pointed to the screen to the right of Mandy. "And see that little thing there?" Mandy sat up leaning on her elbows. The doctor was pointing to a non-stop beat on the screen. Mandy gasped realizing exactly what it was.

"The heart beat." She whispered.

"Exactly." Doctor Peters confirmed. "And that." She said pointing to a small peanut shape on the screen. "Is your baby."

Her baby. That little thing on the screen was hers. It was growing inside her body and it was her child. Hers and Nick's child.

She turned her head to look at her mother who had endless tears streaming down her face and she had to swallow hard to get rid of the lump that was threatening to choke her.

"Your baby." Her mother repeated, staring at her.

Doctor Peter's rubbed the gel off of her stomach and handed her a small square photo of the scan. After asking her a few questions she went back to her chart.

"You are due around the fifth of May." She winked.

Now, it was all so real. It was no longer the thing inside her. That thing suddenly became her baby and the feeling of protection for it over-whelmed her beyond anything she had ever felt. Her baby was growing inside her. It was a person and that person would be in her arms in just a matter of months.

And then, since the first day she found out she was pregnant, Mandy found herself second guessing the way she wanted her life to turn out. All because she looked at the screen and saw a little peanut that had a beat.