Losing Love

"You know, you are pretty damn stubborn." His lips curved into a cheeky smile as he placed his body next to Mandy's on the sand.

She had her knees pulled to her chest again. It was the way she sat most of the time. It kept her together, or so she was telling herself.

She did not look at him. Instead, she stared out into the horizon. The blazing orange sun was setting behind the ocean. The water looked turquoise and the golden rays danced on the reflection..

It was beautiful.

They were the only two there, on a golden sand beach that stretched on for miles.

She wanted to be angry with him. She needed to be. After all, this was all his fault. He left her and not only that but he left her pregnant. Was that suppose to make everything alright? Well, it didn't.

"Your mad at me!" It wasn't a question. It was more of a factual statement. After a few moments silence he let out a big breath, sighing deeply. "The silent treatment. Great, I remember that. You could never stick it out though. I was too irresistible." He teased, nudging her playfully.

She grunted and rolled her eye's. He was so vain sometimes.

"We just going to sit here like this then? You watching the sunset. Me watching you." He pointed out.

She didn't respond. She needed to be angry. She needed to stick it out, just this once.

"Look at me, Mandy." He whispered but she didn't move. "Mandy, will you look at me and for once stop being so bloody stubborn!"

"No." She whispered, pulling her knees closer to her. She closed her eye's for a moment and embraced the sun on her face. It was nice. It felt warm on her skin. It was different to the coldness she had swarming around her ever since he left. Even though she didn't say it to him, she was embracing every second he was beside her. She could feel his cool heavenly breath sweep across her cheek. She could feel the heat from his body brush against hers. She wanted to take everything in.

"For Christ sake, Mandy, why won't you turn around and look at me?"

"Because it hurts." She shouted, finally facing him. His pale blue eye's locked with hers and nothing else matter. "It hurts to know you will be gone. You're not real, Nick. You left remember?" She spat.

"Bit hard for me to forget. I am the dead guy." He teased.

"Shut up. This isn't funny." She could feel the tears well up in her eye's.

"Yeah, I know. I'm sorry babe."

"So what are you doing, haunting my dreams or something?" She questioned.

"Not exactly." He laughed. "But I always there when you needed me. I'm not going to stop now." He said, seriously.

"Good." She agreed. "Because you left me in a mess. A big hell hole of a mess. You really are an Ass you know that?"

"That hurt. That is damaging to my self esteem, Mandy. How could you?" He said sarcastically, dramatically placing his hand over his heart.

She chuckled, realizing he hadn't lost his sense of humor. It was good to know. Nick was always the funny guy, she was glad it was still him.

"You know you left me pregnant, right?" She clarified, nudging him with her elbow..

"Yeah, sorry about that by the way."

"We would have been stupid parents." She snorted.

"No we wouldn't have. You are only saying that to make yourself feel better. We would have been great parents, Mandy."

She let a single tear flow freely down her cheek.

"Nick, I can't." She began but he cut her off, placing his hand over her hers.

"I know. I should have been there. I should be there now. But I would have stood by you no matter what you chose, you know that, Mand." And she believed every word because she knew it was true. But if he was there she wouldn't of had to think about it. She would have kept the baby, she knew that the minute she found out she was pregnant. But he wasn't there and she was reminded of it everyday. "I still just want you to know that you would make an amazing Mom." He placed his hand under her chin and lifted it so that she was looking straight at him.

"I like Elli." He stated nodding his head.

"What are you talking about?" Her brows furrowed as she stared at him confused.

"I don't have a boy's name thought of yet but I like Elli for a girl." His gaze never once left hers. "What do you think?"

She didn't want to argue with him so she just smiled and shrugged. "Yeah Elli is nice."

She started picking up the golden grains of sand and letting them seep through her fingers. "You always loved the beach." She smiled, letting memories consume her.

"Yeah and you were always such a whinge that the sand got everywhere." He reminded her.

"It does get everywhere." She squealed, defended herself.

"Remember the last day we went to the beach?"

She glanced at him and looked away, biting down on her lip in her best efforts to suppress her laughter. "Oh I remember it alright. That was the day we went scuba-diving and you started screaming like a fife year old girl because the fish wouldn't stop rubbing off of you. So you had to go back onto the boat and wait." She laughed uncontrollably remembering that day. She couldn't put her head under the water for about twenty minutes afterward because every time she did she would think of his face and she would start laugh again and the oxygen tube in her mouth slipped out every time.

"I have a phobia of fish. So shut up!" She bit down on her lip but her shoulders continued to sake with the memories.

"Nick you eat fish, how could you have a phobia of them?" She chuckled.

"Somehow I prefer them more when they don't move and they are cooked."

"I told you the just took a liking to you. They just wanted to rub against you." She giggled.

"Yeah yeah whatever laugh it up."

"I'm sorry, sweetie did I hit a sensitive button. I promise not to talk about the fishy wishy's." She pouted and she knew he couldn't help but laugh at her.

"Typical! Bully the dead guy."

"Will you stop saying that!" She demanded.

"Saying what?" He asked. Confused was written all over his face.

"You know. That thing."

"Dead?" He questioned.

"Yes, that. Stop saying it."

He stared and her for a long moment. She shifted her body, his gaze was making her feel uneasy. "You haven't said it yet, have you?" He asked sounding serious.

"I just prefer to say that you are gone or you have left. Just not that." She explained.

"Great, now I sound like the scumbag boyfriend who walked out on his girlfriend when he got her pregnant. You get a lot more sympathy if you just tell them I am dead."

"Stop it!" She shouted. "Stop saying that."

"Ok, ok."

"I just can't say it. Because when I do, it will suddenly become too real. And I can't take much more reality right now. I will say it, someday. Just not now." She breathed.

He nodded his head in understanding. "Take all the time you need, sweetheart."

She turned her head and looked around the beach scanning the sights. It was totally empty. The sun was setting deeper now.

"So no Angels?" She asked, still looking around.

"What?"

"Naomi said you were on holidays with the angels. She said you were you going to be having a great time. She even got jealous. Oh but she said you weren't allowed to have a girlfriend because I'm your girlfriend. So no funny business, Mr, when they do come out to play." She pointed her finger at him. "Keep those ghostly hands to yourself." She laughed and he joined in.

"They are waiting for you to leave so they can come and take angel advantage of me." He joked. She slapped him playfully across the arm. No I already had my time with an angel." He stated, seriously. She thought her heart had stopped. His stares at her with so much intensity she had to look away before she got lost in it. "You were my angel."

She could feel the tears flow freely from her eye's. He leaned his body closer to hers. She could feel his breath on her face and her pulse began to beat faster. It was the effect he always had on her.

Then, he move his face closer to hers. It felt like she could see into his blue eye's for miles. He leaned his forehead against hers and wiped away the moisture of her tears with his thumb. She gasped feeling his touch on her skin.

"I'm not going to kiss you." She cried. "It will hurt too much when I wake up."