Losing Love

December

January

February

It was March fifth. She was marking off the days on her calender. She had exactly two months to go and she could feel every bit of it. Her nerves began to kick in when the baby did. She had it documented. Her baby's first kick was December twenty-fifth.

Christmas day.

And it was the best present she could of asked for.

She was sitting on her couch with Matt, watching the traditional Christmas films. She had been watching Miracle on 34th Street. She always loved that movie.

Everything was fine until she felt something fluttering in her stomach. She had felt it before but it was never that strong. She broke her gaze from the t.v., for a moment, waiting for it to happen again.

And it did.

Just this time it wasn't the fluttering in her stomach. Oh no. It was much harder than that.

She swallowed hard feeling the light thud at her skin. For a moment she did know what to do but then it happened again, just this time it was harder.

"Whoa." She laughed nervously.

"It's not that surprising, we have seen this hundreds of times." Matt stated, still staring at the television.

"No....no...," she stuttered, "it's not the movie. The baby just kicked." She breathed, astonished by the feeling.

She could feel him jump, her words finally floating through him.

"You mean it actually kicked? As in it kicked." His eye's were wide in his head. Then a wide smile spread across his face. "Your baby kicked. Can I feel it?" He asked, enthusiastically.

"I don't know if it will do it again but you can try."

She didn't think it would do it again but she couldn't have been more wrong. The second Matt's warm hand pressed against her small bump the baby kicked. It felt like triple flips to Mandy.

"Whoa." He whispered, his eye's becoming wider. Mandy had to laugh at his face. His mouth was hanging open but he looked excited, proud even. "That is unreal." He gasped. Then, he stood up and quickly walked to the kitchen to tell their parents who were preparing dinner.

She smiled thinking back on it. The time was passing her by and all too quickly. She knew it needed to be over and done with but still, she wanted to be able to feel those kicks and the flutters of excitement for just a little bit longer.

"Mandy." A voice called in the distance. Her eye's shot up to the worried face of her English teacher, Mrs. Morgan. "You ok?" She asked, tilting her head.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Sorry." Mandy apologized, feeling her cheeks get hot.

"Your report. Do you have it ready?" Mrs. Crimmons was searching her face. Mandy was guessing the teacher had already asked this question but she was completely lost in her day dream to even acknowledge her.

"Yes. Ah, I have it here." She shook her head, fumbling through her sheets. She finally found it. It was a report on the character of Lady Macbeth in Shakespeare's Macbeth.

Somehow, Mandy had gotten through everything that had been thrown at her so far. She had made it through school. The stares burned through her like fire for the first few months but she got over it. Their dirty gazes seemed to have calmed down when they found someone else to gossip about.

Mandy was glad this was her last year of school, she wouldn't have people asking her about the baby. The next time she would see them without the bump would be for the end of year exams and she was fully determined to just walk in and out of the exam, doing exactly what she needed to do.

Of course, her friends had been amazing. Mandy's pregnancy had sparked some kind of ambition in Sally. Ever since Mandy explained the adoption process to her she became intrigued in everything about it. She had decided she wanted to do social care in University and hopefully go on to help girls just like Mandy.

"What do we have next?" Mandy asked Sally when the bell rang for end of class, lifting the over-weight bag over her shoulders.

"Sex Ed." Sally cringed.

"They should have given us those classes last year. Maybe they would have prevented me from practically having an asthma attack every time I have to climb the friggin' stairs." She laughed.

She was right. As she stood in front of the stairs, tackling the yes and no in her mind, she had almost convinced herself to refuse to go up and just sit on the floor until class was over. She had a reasonable excuse. It was like trying to climb a mountain wearing a fat suit. It looked daunting but she had to do it.

"Let me take that." Garry smiled coming from behind her, and removing her bag from her shoulder.

She sighed with relief and smiled at him gratefully. "You're the best." She closed her eye's.

"We could roll you up." Ben joked, shrugging his shoulders.

"Shut up." She spat but couldn't help the smile creeping on her lips. "Smart ass." She muttered under her breath.

Finally, she reached the top. Well, just about. Her lungs were aching for oxygen and her muscles burned. God, she hated that damn stairs.

Mandy, Sally, Garry and Ben received dirty looks throughout the whole class from their teacher, Mr. Kane. He was a tall, skinny man with thinning hair and wide rimmed glasses.

That part was ok. The part that wasn't was the fact that he tried to show them a condom and the whole class accelerated into a fit of laughter. Unfortunately for Mr. Kane, Mandy and her friends were the type of people that when they started they could not stop. The man already looked awkward without the image of him holding and describing a condom.

"It's probably his first time seeing one." Sally stuttered through her laughter, tears streaming from her eye's.

Mandy could feel her sides tighten into a painful twitch but she couldn't help it. She couldn't look at her teacher without laughing.

"We should have introduced Nick to him. We wouldn't have to be rolling Mandy up the stairs if we did." Ben blurted and they all erupted into more laughter.

Mandy was glad she could laugh at things like this. Subjects involving Nick. It was because she knew if he was there he would have been the one cracking the jokes and making the whole class love him. Just like he always did.

She looked down at the sparking ring placed on her middle finger. The one he had left to her in the box. She hadn't taken it off yet. It felt like a part of him was still with her. Knowing he wanted to give it to her when he was alive and knowing that it would have been much more than just a ring if he was alive made her eye's water. It would have been a symbol of their life together. Now it was a memory of all they used to have and everything they were. It made her smile thinking back on those memories. It was hard not to. Nick was everything to her, he always would be.

"You ready?" Mandy heard Garry's voice. She looked up at his brown eye's, his sandy blonde hair was cut short, he was swinging her heaving bag in her hand like it was no problem at all.

She shook her head letting the memories seep through her. She hadn't even realized class had ended and it was the last class of the day.

"Yeah." She murmured, standing up. She had promised she would go shopping with him. It was his mother's birthday Saturday so he had two days to find her something or else his head would be served on a platter for her birthday dinner.

They both said their goodbye's to Ben and Sally and headed towards his Toyota. Mandy didn't drive to school this morning, he picked her up. He had some weird fear that she would go into labour at the wheel. He seriously worried too much.

But he had been doing that lately.

"I owe it to Nick." He told her when she asked him why he was fussing around her. "He was my best friend, Mand, just like you are. I'm not going to let him down. He wouldn't have let me down. And I am not going to let anything happen to you or that baby, even if I am wrapping you up in cotton wool."

Mandy had to swallow hard to get rid of the lump that was forming in her throat. She was so grateful to him and it was only then that Mandy realized when she was grieving for Nick, her friends were too and she never even bothered to ask them how they were doing.

Better late than never, she thought to herself. "Garry." She said, looking at him as he drove along the motorway. "I'm so sorry."

He looked at her as if she had gone mad. "For what?" He laughed.

"You were always there for me. You all were. You, Ben, Sally. And you were there for Nick, too. You loved him just as much as I did and I never once asked you if you were ok. You lost your best friend and I never even considered how you were feeling. Instead, I let you comfort me while we should have been supporting each other." She could feel the tears sting her eye's .

"Mandy, you did consider us." He said. She felt like she was missing something. What was he talking about? "You stayed strong. I think you were stronger than all of us put together. You might not know it but we leaned on you all the time. We looked up to you because we realized if you could move on, then, we all could. And we are. Slowly but surely." He said, a smile gracing his lips.

She stayed silent for a few moments, letting his words sink in. Then, as he pulled into the parking lot of the shopping center, she spoke the words that felt so small compared to how grateful she was. "Thank you." She whispered.

"No problem." He winked, getting out of the car.

She followed him into the shopping center, wondering how the hell she was going to shop with him. He was a nightmare to shop with. But she got why he didn't ask Sally. She would have dragged him around every shop three times before she let him make up his mind. Mandy was the opposite. She just wanted to get on with it.

"Any idea what you want to get her?" Mandy asked, hoping he did and that they would be out of the over heated shops soon enough.

"Not really." He rolled his eye's looking around for any ideas.

"Is there anything she hinted at? Or maybe something she saw and said she would have liked?"

He stayed silent, his face looked focused, he was obviously thinking. "Oh wait, there was this ad on the t.v., the other night. For some perfume and she took a liking to that."

"Ok that is a start. What is it called?"

"I have no idea." He breathed, closing his eye's, feeling stupid.

"Great. Men, they take notice to nothing, except boobs and sports." She complained.

"It was in a dark blue bottle. Maybe, I will know it if I see it." He suggested.

Mandy decided it was better if she went along with him. He might be right.

And she thanked the heavens that he was. The perfume shop was advertising it on the shop window.

"I recognized it." He chimed, feeling proud of himself as they exited the shop.

"No Garry, you did not recognize it. You recognized the half naked woman in the poster. That is what you recognized." She teased, nudging him playfully.

They strolled to the area of the shopping center where the benches were located. Mandy threw herself down, feeling like her belly was touching her knees.

Two elderly ladies walked by slowly, glaring at Mandy's small bump. Their disgusted looks made her feel extremely uncomfortable. They sat down on the benched next to hers.

She looked at Garry with a shocked expression on her face when she heard them tut and whisper to each other.

"You know we really have to stop having sex." Garry said, casually.

"What?" Mandy blurted, trying not to laugh.

"The sex is great but we can't keep it up. You wear me out and in your state I don't know how you keep going." He went on.

"What are you doing?" Mandy demanded, leaning closer to him so only he could hear.

"Honey, you are pregnant you can't do that to me." He said even louder.

She heard the women gasp. Then, she realized exactly what he was doing. She had to bite down on her lip to stop herself from laughing.

"But we did it last night and yesterday and the night before that and the night before that." Mandy played on. "But if you don't want to." Mandy shrugged, leaning back on her chair.

"Are you for real? Of course I want to." He said jumping from the chair. "Get that sexy ass of your's out of this shop. Now!" He demanded playfully.

She stood up, letting a fake giggle bubble in her throat.

"Absolute disgrace." She heard the women mutter as she passed them.

She couldn't hold it in. They just about made it around the corner when they both erupted into a fit of hysterical laughter. She didn't care that people were watching. She hadn't joked like that in a long time and it felt good.

She laughed until her sides were sore and tears fell from her eye's.

"I swear I am going to go into early labour from that." She stammered through her laughter.

"Good to see you back, Captain." Garry teased.

She knew what he was talking about. It was the old her. She was slowly coming back.

And she loved every thought of it.