Losing Love

“Is my brother inside?” Mandy asked, finally finding her voice. Why did it send chills through her body thinking that Josh was back?

She hated it. He was just some guy.

“Come in. He is in the shower. Do you want me to call him?” Josh asked as they both stepped into the tiny hallway. She couldn’t help but notice the way his palm cupped her lower back, guiding her into the living room.

Mandy jerked a little away from his touch but he didn’t seem to notice. She wasn’t used to having a man touch her. Scary how she blocked things like that out.

“No don’t call him.” She blurted. Mandy was sure that if Josh called Matt he would probably take an escape route out of the bathroom window just to get out of calling their mother. It was stupid really but that woman could be vicious when she wanted to be. She understood his fear.

Josh’s eyes narrowed as he stared at her, the confused look on his face making his brow furrow.

“It is a long story.” She waved in dismissal, taking a deep breath.

“Ok. You want a drink?” He offered moving confidently through the spacious apartment. She noticed the muscles in his back tense as he reached into the fridge for a bottle of water.

“No I’m good thanks.” Mandy nodded, wiping her clammy palms against her faded jeans and taking a seat on the small couch by the double doors. Quickly, she moved her gaze to the coffee table as he turned to look at her.

As she inhaled a deep breath she could smell the fresh air as it swept through the open window, knocking some sense into her. She couldn’t just stare at him like that.

But she did, and she couldn’t help it.

“How did your year away go?” Mandy looked up at him hoping to start some conversation.

“Good.” Josh managed to say gulping down his mouth full of water. Mandy bit down on her glossy bottom lip. He was staring at her with hungry eyes and something else she couldn’t quite recognize. “Yeah the year was really good.” He finished, shaking his head and looking away.

She could feel the corner of her lip twisting up into a shy smile and the blood rushed to her cheeks. What the hell was wrong with her? She was embracing in the fact that she had just caught him staring at her.

As she looked back at him he was staring at her again. This time it felt like his eyes were narrowing on every curve of her body. Protectively, she wrapped her arms around her chest trying to block out the chill that was travelling up her spine.

Her mouth turned to sand paper. Was it Josh doing this to her?

“Josh?” She breathed, knocking him out of his daze. She was starting to grow uncomfortable with the thoughts she had in her head. “Are you ok?”

For a moment his eyes’ widened and his pupils looked almost black at the rays of sun danced on his black shirt emphasizing his toned torso. “I’m sorry.” He apologized, swallowing hard, and her eyes darted back to his face.

Get a grip of yourself, girl, she screamed in her head.

“You’ve changed since the last time I saw you.”

Once more the heat burned under her skin. “In a good way, I hope?” She retorted, hoping he didn’t notice the blush on her cheeks.

“In a very good way.” He smiled but his eyes burned with honesty. An honestly she could not look away from.

She wasn’t supposed to feel this, was she? She didn’t even know him. She wasn’t supposed to feel the heat in her body, or notice the way his jaw flinched when he concentrated his penetrating gaze on her or the way his dark eyes roamed her body.

Mandy jumped up breaking their gaze as her a door creaked open, and Matt made his way from the steaming bathroom.. He halted for a moment watching her stand there in front of him.

“Hi sis.” He smiled, obviously happy to see her. “I see you met Josh again.”

“Yes I did.” She said trying to hide the nervous cough that was growling in her throat.

He looked at her, confused for a long moment, and her heart stopped as his gaze wondered from her to Josh and back again until he shook his head, dismissing whatever he was thinking. “What are you doing here?” He questioned. “Not that I don’t like having you around.” He covered himself in time before she could hit him with a snide remark.

Mandy poked her fingers in her pocket, pulling out her phone and waving it in her brother’s face. “It is time to call Mom. You can’t get away with it for much longer and you are her favourite so you are doing the talking.” Mandy cringed away from her brother’s evil glare.

“No! No! No!” Matt shouted, running his fingers through his wet bronze hair.

“Have you got any better ideas?” She grunted.

She knew her mother would probably have a minor heart attack on the phone when they told her they were not coming home this summer but Mandy had been offered a job, and if she was being honest she didn’t think she could stick being at home for a whole summer. There were too many memories there. And the only way she wanted to be reminded of them was in her head, at night when she replayed everything that had happened to her, suffocating in her memories until she finally went to sleep and dreamt about it.

It was hard to escape from it, especially when everything she did was because of everything that had happened to her in the past twelve months.

“I’m going to go out for a bit.” Josh interrupted, sensing the tension between them both. It was a battle of who could wear who down and she was determined to win.

“OK. Fine. You win.” Matt grunted, not evening acknowledging Josh had said anything, and grabbed her phone from her hand. “Damn those eyes.” He muttered as he plopped himself on the couch. “See you later man.” He waved to Josh who was grabbing his keys from the counter.

“See you in a bit. See you soon, Mandy.” Josh nodded to her.

“See you soon.” She agreed, giving him a gentle smile, and looked towards her brother who was sulking like a five year old. Before she had time to look back and Josh she heard the front door close softly.

“Come on, sit down. Let’s get this over and done with.” Matt patted the seat next to him, totally oblivious to the small connection she and his best friend just shared.

“When did Josh get back?” Mandy quizzed casually taking a seat.

“Two days ago.” Matt answered shortly. She could tell by the look on his eyes he was hoping his mother would not pick up the phone. “We are sharing the apartment together this year.”

“What about Suzie?” Mandy questioned, truly interested. She had gotten to know Suzie a lot better over the last year and she knew no one else suited her brother better. She balanced him out, kept him out of trouble and calmed his wild antics. She was grateful for that because wasn’t always the perfect son. He had put their parents through living hell when he was a teenager. He would stay out all night, come back drunk or high on whatever drug he could find.

Sometimes, not even Mandy could talk sense into him but somehow, and she had no idea how but he knocked himself out of it. He got a job and steadied his life out. She was proud of him for that. And she had a feeling that if it wasn’t for Suzie being by his side he would have went through it all again at college.

“What about Suzie?” He repeated, wondering why she had asked.

“Everything ok on that front?” Her worried eyes spoke volumes. She always worried about Matt, she couldn’t help it.

He sighed deeply and smiled at her with loving eyes. “Suzie and I are great. I love her but we are not ready and we are too young to move in together. Things are good the way they are.”

“Ok.” Mandy nodded, happy with his answer.

“What about you?” He looked at her.

“What about me?”

“Anyone special I need to know about?”

Mandy felt her tongue go dry and her throat burned as a lump rose to the top.

“Not yet. I don’t think I am ready.” She confided and he straightened up to listen. No matter what she wanted to talk about he was there waiting with open arms. “To be honest,” she continued. “I don’t think I want to have to explain everything that has happened to someone. They would probably run a mile.” She forced a laugh.

“When you meet the right person,” he placed his fingers under her chin and titled her head up that she had to look at him, “they will love you for everything that has happened to you and they will understand. Believe me Mandy, I have been walking around this campus and see the way people look at you. Especially the guys.” He stated bitterly. “But it’s not that hard to fall in love with you. You have your pick of suitors. Now all you have to do it pick one that you can love back.” He winked encouragingly.

She couldn’t imagine loving anyone the way she loved Nick. Maybe she wouldn’t. What if she had to settle for less and that was all she would get?

Not that she would complain. She was happy with the time she shared with Nick and to her that was her lot for a life time.

“Anyway,” she shook her head, “enough about me. Call mom.” She prompted him.

He rolled his eyes evilly. “I preferred talking about you.” He growled deep in his throat and she swallowed back the giggle.

Surprisingly, the call to her mother was ok. It was actually ok. Mandy couldn’t believe. The woman’s didn’t raise an octave once. She was happy enough when they told her they would be home for weekend visits.

“Maybe they made our bedrooms into some sort of sex dungeon.” Matt suggested, mystified with the phone call. He was expecting his ear drum to be blown off.

“Eww.” Mandy gagged at the thoughts of it. “But that was really strange. At least she didn’t go off on one and claim she was driving down here to get us.” She shrugged.

“Mmm, that is true.” He glanced at his sister who looked as confused as he felt.

“Anyway,” she stood up, stretching her legs, “I better be off. I promised Caroline I would to the party on the beach tonight.”

“See you there.” He grinned at her, obviously surprised she was even going in the first place.

“You’re going.” She stated.

“We all are. We can celebrate some of the guys returning home. Even Casanova will be coming.” He mocked her, grinning, raising his eyebrow. “I’m not totally stupid, I saw that look in his eye.”

She lowered her head with embarrassment, felling herself blush from head to toe.

Great, Josh was going. Maybe she could avoid him.

Who was she kidding? She couldn’t take her eyes off of him when he was in the house what made her think it would be any different tonight?

What did she care anyway? She shouldn’t care where Josh went, that was his own business. What the hell was wrong with her?

Ugh, she felt like screaming the place down. She was talking to him for five minutes and she felt like a thirteen year old school girl.

“You didn’t see anything. That is your eye sight going groggy in your old age.” She defended herself.

“Yep, of course it is. My eyes will be won’t be so groggy tonight when I am watching his every move.”

“Ugh, get a grip Matt.” She grunted, heading for the door. “I am going to enjoy myself not to be watched by you. If I want to talk to Josh I will talk to Josh.” Her palms tightened into fist at her side.

“I am not going to object to that. He is a great guy. You two would suit each other actually.” He smirked like he had made a sudden realization.

“I’m leaving Matt. I refuse to listen to you.” She opened the door and stormed down the corridor.

“I give you two six months.” He shouted after her.

She turned furiously on her heels.

“You are impossible.” Mandy snapped.

How dare he just make accusations like that? What did he think she was? He said it like she was just going to fall into Josh’s arms.

Yeah, well she was going to prove him wrong if it was the last thing she did.

But it worried her at the same time. Matt was relentless and if he thought of something he wanted he would get it. Now he was thinking of his best friend and his sister.

Well, she wasn’t going to let that happen. No she just wouldn’t.

Oh but the way Josh looked at her. It made her fell like she was on fire and she was about to melt. She could resist it couldn’t she?

“Ugh, damn that man.” She muttered to herself, storming back to her apartment block.

Subconsciously, she was already thinking of the sexiest dress she had in her wardrobe for tonight.