Remind Me That We'll Always Have Each Other

I gave John a smile, before returning downstairs. I saw my mom talking to a few of her, and Tim's friends. I walked outside, and found Lainey, Ashley, and Miah in the same spot I left them in.

"Did she go to sleep?" Miah asked me.

I nodded my head. "Yeap. She was really tired."

I picked up my cup of Sprite, and took a huge sip out of it. I wouldn't admit to anyone, maybe Jeremiah later on, that I was struggling to keep myself from the alcohol. I had gone a year being sober, and I wouldn't let my defenses go down so easily. But it was hard . . . Really hard, when everyone around you was drinking. I looked down into my Sprite, and told myself it was for the best. I wouldn't let myself go downhill my first day back home.

"Yo, Kaydence!"

My head lifted up, and I looked at Miah. "What?"

"I was asking you, tomorrow John and his band are performing downtown. You wanna go to the venue with us?"

Band? What was Miah talking about.

"Jeremiah, what the hell are you talking about? Band? John isn't in a band."

He looked at me, and started laughing. "You really don't recognize him from anywhere? He didn't tell you?"

I shook my head side-to-side. "No, he didn't. And no, I don't recognize him."

He stopped laughing and sighed. "He's in a band, called The Maine. He's the lead singer."

My eyes widened. I just sat here and had a full on conversation with the lead singer of a band? I suddenly began to feel very idiotic. I probably looked like a groupie, or a complete retard to him. I sighed, and looked down at the grass.

"Great. He probably thinks I was just talking to him, because he's in a band."

"Kaydence, I doubt that. He was probably surprised you were even talking to him, without stumbling over your words," Lainey told me.

"Yeah, Kay. Don't beat yourself up over it," Ashley added.

"I guess. . . Let's just drop it," I looked over to the side of me. "He's coming back."

"Well, I feel a lot better." John laughed.

Everyone else let out a laugh as well, except for me. I suddenly felt nervous, and I didn't want to look like an idiot.

"What's wrong?" he asked me, lowering his voice so only I could hear him.

"Nothing," I smiled at him. "I'm just tired, that's all."

"It's only," He glanced down at his watch, "Eight o'clock."

"I know, but I've been up since six this morning."

He nodded his head. "Damn. That sucks."

"It does." I laughed.

I stood up, and looked at everyone. "I think I'm gunna head inside. I'm tired as shit, so I'll see you all tomorrow. Lainey, Ashely, John, thanks for coming." I gave them all a hug, and looked at Jeremiah. "And you, I missed you, Miah." I gave him a long hug.

He laughed. "I missed you too, Kaydence."

I gave them all one last wave, before heading inside. My mom was washing some dishes, and Tim was still socializing.

I walked up to my mom, and laid my head on her shoulder. Through the small window above the sink, I could see the group. I stared at John and sighed.

"What's wrong, babe?"

"Nothing. I think I'm gunna head off to bed."

"So early?"

I nodded my head. "I'm really tired."

She smiled and kissed my forehead. "Well alright, sweetie. I'll see you in the morning."

"See ya."

I started making my way upstairs, but my mom called after me.

"Yeah?"

"I love you, Kaydence."

"I love you too, mom."

I continued walking upstairs, and I stopped at the door of my room. I hadn't been in here in so long. I wondered if my stuff was still all in order, or if my mom had changed anything. I took in a big breath, before slowly opening the white door. I glanced around. Everything was exactly as I left it.

The walls were still a lime green color, and had posters of all my favorite bands plastered over them. The comforter of my bed was white, with big, lime green dots on it. My closet still had all my old clothes in it. My carpet was still the same light brown color. There was still a blue stain at the corner of my bed, where I once dropped my bottle of UV Blue.

I walked over in front of my full length mirror, and stared at myself. A year ago, I would've never been able to do this. I hated mirrors, and I used to avoid them all together. It took me months of practice, before I was able to really look at myself in one. I had to admit, I looked a lot healthier than the last time I was home, but I still looked anorexic. My collar bone was sticking out, and my eyes seemed huge compared to my sunk in face. My arms were still as bony as ever, and my legs were as well.

My dark brown hair had finally grown out though. It was down to the middle of my back, and it made my green eyes stick out. I had a few freckles on my nose, which I used to hate, but now I love them.

Even though I had, had tons of help from people at the rehabilitation center, I still felt unsure of myself. I still wanted to go make myself throw up the food I had eaten, but it was all about self - control. I don't want to be the same old sick Kaydence. I want to be the new Kaydence. The Kaydence who believes in herself, and can have a normal, happy life.

I want to go to college, and party like every other nineteen-year-old. I want to be able to look at myself and feel beautiful, and not have to cringe everytime I see the skeleton that looks back at me. It's hard to explain why a person becomes anorexic, and I've tried countless times to explain it to my family, but the words never seem to come out right.

I grabbed some pajamas from my dresser, and changed into them. I turned on my radio, and out of curiousity, I put on my old CDs. I had no clue as to what was even on them, anymore.

"Hello there,
The angel from my nightmare,
The shadow of the background of the morgue.
The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley,
We can live like Jack and Sally if we want.
Where you can always find me. . ."

I laid my head down on my pillow, and put the song on repeat. I missed home. I missed being in my own bed. I missed life.