A New Chance at Life

I sighed as I unpacked the last box. I hate moving I don’t see why mom and dad can’t just settle down in one place. They swear this is our last move. I just can’t believe them since I was five we’ve moved constantly. I think it was 21 different houses in different states. I have to start school tomorrow sad huh I got here yesterday and I start school tomorrow. I wonder if I’ll fit in or be a social outcast. Usually no one likes me anyways. I’m quit and don’t talk much so that makes people think I just don’t want friends and then it gets leaked out that I’m a faggot. I sigh and lay back on my bed.

“Jayden dinners ready honey”

I got out of my comfy bed and slowly walked down the stairs. I sat down at the table to see my mom smiling at me. Dad was no where around though. I wonder what it’s like to actually spend dinner with your family and not alone or with just your mom. I never see my dad he’s usually to busy for me. Thanks dad it makes me feel so fucking loved.

“Are you excited about starting school tomorrow?”

“Not really”

“Why not, sweetie”

“You know as well as I do mom that no one ever likes me”

“I’m sure it’ll be different this time”

“I doubt it”

I began pushing my food around my plate. I really didn’t feel like eating anymore. Actually I
felt sick to my stomach. I just sat there in silence as mom watched me.

“Honey you need to eat something”

“I’m not hungry”

“Why not you seemed just fine a minute ago”

“I don’t know I just feel like I’m going to be sick”

She walked over to me and felt my forehead for a temperature. When she realized I didn’t have one she sighed and gave me a worried look.

“Why don’t you go to bed, sweetie”

“Okay”

I got up from the table and walked up to my room. Tomorrow was going to be hell. I picked up my journal I had stashed under my bed and began writing in it.

Hello my little notebook,

As you know I’ve moved into a new house. It sucks. This place is kinda big so I should be happy. I just can’t help, but think about where we will move to next. I’ll start a new school and move before a year is up probably. I just want to stay in one place for a while. Maybe then I would actually make some friends and go on dates like normal teenagers do. I’ve always been afraid to get to close to someone though. I knew I would just end up moving away from them.

Now I’m starting a new school and it’s going to be the same old thing. People will see me. They call me emo them move on to calling me a fag. All of this is because I love skinny jean and tight band shirts Oh and my hair hangs in my eyes.

I’m sick of people judging me. Yeah I may be bisexual, but that give them the right to treat me like I’m diseased. I don’t think I’m that bad of a guy. I mean I’m like most people I have my own problems, but that doesn’t make me someone you can completely hate for no reason at all. I guess I’ll just have to try to survive.

Xoxo,
Jayden

I put my dairy back in its place. I want something to relieve me of my stress and make me feel okay. I want to feel a sweet addiction. I walked over to my computer desk and rummaged through it coming to a stop as I see my trusty razor blade. I smile as I roll up my shirt sleeve. I look down at my past scars and the slowly healing cuts and smile. I then pull the blade to my wrist and cut myself. I only do it a few times tonight before whipping the blade off and wrapping the wounds. I might cut, but I don’t want it getting infect of getting staff in the wounds and besides the sting from rubbing alcohol as it touched my cuts it feels great to me. I love causing myself pain I just don’t like when others do it for me.