This Is What Happens When Love Meets Destruction

A warm breeze floated in through the open window, sending my untamed stray hairs into my face. With a smile, I pushed them aside and turned on my signal, indicating to those around me that I was attempting to merge left. Luck must have been on my side today, because as soon as I put my blinker on, a friendly driver hung back, making room for me to merge.

"Wow," Lauren muttered, clearly impressed by these actions, "looks like everything's going your way today, Vinnie." She teased from the back seat.

"Because today is the final fitting for her wedding gown." Dee, my cousin, spoke up from beside me. She laughed softly before peering at me over the top of her sunglasses. "It's totally your day today."

"No," I blushed, "the final fitting of a wedding gown is no big deal."

"Yes it is," Lauren retorted, "the final fitting sort of marks the point of no return. It means that there is only a couple of weeks left before the actual ceremony, and the final fitting means that you can check off the very last thing on your to-do list before you can relax. After the final fitting, there's no going back."

"Lauren, it's just a fitting." I mumbled.

"Not just a fitting," she insisted, "when it comes to planning weddings, it’s the final cherry on top."

"Yeah, you'd better listen to her," Dee said, giving me a soft smirk, "we both know that Lauren has planned so many weddings."

"Hey, once you've helped plan one, you sort of become an expert." Lauren said defensively. "Especially if you have a bridezilla like my sister," she grumbled.

At her words, Dee and I both laughed loudly, and I saw a frown cross Lauren's lips in my rearview mirror.

"So," I spoke up, in an attempt to keep her from pouting, "you're saying that the example I'm supposed to follow is the bridezilla your sister had turned into?" I joked. "Thanks a lot Lauren, that makes me feel even better."

"Smartass," she muttered, before turning her gaze out the window, watching as the buildings moved by in a blur.

Dee and I glanced up at one another, smirking softly, but chose not to say anything else. We drove the rest of the way in silence, Lauren still pouting in the backseat, while Dee tapped out a random beat on the dashboard. Before long, we had arrived at an old fashioned building that was home to the young woman who was designing my wedding gown, and bridesmaid dresses.

"Look, Lacey and Nichole are already here." Dee said, pointing to a green Ford Fusion that was parked a couple of spaces ahead of us.

"Oh, I hope they haven't been waiting here too long." I said, eyeing the car momentarily.

With that, we got out of the car, and headed inside to where Lacey and Nichole were chatting with my designer. After assuring me that they had arrived only about a minute before we did, my designer led us into a separate room where our dresses were waiting for us. Seeing my dress on the mannequin, I couldn't help but smile to myself as I thought about the day I would finally get to walk down the aisle with it.

My designer, who had been watching me, laughed softly and nudged me gently with her elbow. I watched as she carefully took it off the mannequin, and then handed it over to me. "Go ahead and try it on." She smiled.

I simply smiled in response before I took it, and went into one of the spacious changing rooms. About two minutes later, after Lauren had helped me zip it up, I stood up on the small, circular platform and examined myself in the full length mirror. My bridesmaids, who had been busy looking over their dressed, stopped what they were doing and watched me as I admired my gown. After about a minute of silence, my designer smiled up at me.

"Well, what do you think?" She asked.

"I think it's beautiful," I whispered, "thank you so much."

"Everything seem to fit alright?"

"Yes," I replied, "it's perfect. Now I just have to make sure I don't pig out and gain some extra pounds before the wedding," I grinned.

"Ha, yeah right," Nichole laughed, "all you've been doing since you've had the boys was loose weight, Vinnie."

Laughing as well, I shrugged my shoulders, "packing around those kids certainly helped me build up some muscles in my legs though," I admitted. "Look at these calves!" I insisted, and then lifted my skirts up to show off my well defined calf muscles.

Around me, my bridesmaids laughed in amusement, and Lacey stepped forward to measure my calf muscle with her fingers. As her fingers tightened around me, a memory that had lay dormant at the back of my mind finally woke up, and rushed to the surface of my mind.

Broken glass. Twisted metal. The smell of gasoline and the sound of sirens nearby.

Below me, Alex was busy tying something around my leg while I struggled to remain conscious. His lips were moving but I couldn't hear him well enough to know if he was talking to me, or to himself. My own lips moved, struggling to form a simple sentence.

Closing my eyes, I tried my hardest to focus on what had happened.

The cold that was overtaking my body slowed slightly, though it seemed that my energy level had been drained a considerable amount.

"Vinnie, the ambulance is on its way. Stay awake until then, okay?"

"Alex," I whispered again, not really knowing what else to say.

Alex finished whatever he was doing with my leg, and then leaned in closer to me. This close to him, I could see the frightened tears in his eyes, and the tremble in his body. There was a lot of blood trickling down his forehead, but I didn't see the wound itself because it was hidden in his hair. He opened his mouth to say something as he gently stroked his fingers down my cheek, but whatever was on his mind, he didn't say.

"Alex, I'm scared." I gasped.

"I know, I know, so am I." He whispered, "so am I."

I gasped softly as the rest of the memory remained blurry in my mind, and then opened my eyes to find that everyone in the room had been staring at me. Sheepishly, I lowered my gaze to my skirts as I straightened them out all the while trying my best to avoid everyone's questioning looks.

"Vinnie, are you okay?" Lauren finally asked.

"Yeah," I said, forcing what I hoped to be a natural looking smile, "just trying to remember whether or not I told Jack when to turn the oven off." I lied.

It wasn't much of a lie, but my company seemed to accept it as a legitimate excuse nonetheless. Biting my lip slightly, I turned around and examined my reflection in the full length mirror. Frowning to myself, I couldn't help but think about what Alex had had on his mind during those few minutes after the accident.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I had been in the kitchen, digging around in my freezer for a late night snack when I heard the knock on the door. Frowning to myself, I quickly grabbed an unopened pint of Ben and Jerry's Dublin Mudslide, and snatched a spoon from the dish rack before making my way to the front door. Taking a few seconds to look out my peep hole, I was surprised to see Vinnie standing in front of my door.

I quickly made work of the lock and deadbolt before pulling the door open.

"Vinnie," I said, quickly ushering her inside, "what are you doing here? It's late; shouldn't you be at home, taking care of the boys or something?"

"I laid them down a couple of hours ago," she replied, "and Jack is already asleep."

"Oh," I mumbled, closing the door behind her so that the cold night air wouldn't seep into my living room. "Um ... so, what's up?"

Vinnie stood there, her eyes doing a quick examination of my living room before sure turned her gaze up to me. "I remember what happened after we wrecked, Alex." She told me.

With her words, I felt my heart leap into my throat, preventing me from speaking, or breathing properly. As the seconds ticked by, Vinnie's eyes never moved even a fraction of an inch. The way she was staring at me, it felt as if she were daring me to admit the truth aloud as a sort of secondary confirmation to what she had recalled.

My mouth felt dry, and my throat was scratchy as I attempted to swallow down the lump inside of it. I licked my suddenly chapped lips, and then lowered my nervous eyes to the floor.

"Yeah?" I whispered. "Everything?"

Across from me, Vinnie took a deep breath, letting it out in a soft sigh. "Well, no, not everything." She admitted. "I only really remember the part where you tied something around my leg."

"Oh," I said, keeping myself from breathing a noticeable sign of relief. "That's all you remember?"

"Well ... yeah, pretty much." She mumbled. "I remember clear up until the point where we both admitted how scared we were to one another. And ... and I remember you kept looking like you had something that you wanted to ask me, or tell me, but you didn't." She paused momentarily, so I looked up, watching as she reached up to smooth out the muscles in her neck. "Alex ... was there something else that you wanted to tell me that day? Or ... something else that happened that I should know about?" She asked slowly.

Her eyes were now lowered to the ground, allowing for me to examine her beauty without her catching me. I wanted to tell her the truth about what happened after that, about how I kissed her, and had let the words 'I love you' escape my trembling lips.

But if I did that, what were the chances that it'd fuck with her and Jack's relationship? What are the chances that anything good would come of it?

Vinnie couldn't know the truth about what went on that day. Jack could never find out about my confessions I had confessed while Vinnie and I waited for the ambulance to arrive.

"No," I whispered, "nothing happened. After that, you passed out and I held you in my arms until the ambulance arrived."

A frown pulling at the corners of her lips, Vinnie continued to stare at the ground. "You didn't have anything you wanted to tell me? Nothing important?" She asked, emphasizing 'important'.

"No," I repeated. "Everything I had to tell you, I told you."

You just don't remember me telling you. I didn't say the words out loud, because I knew she would just get even more suspicious.

"You swear, Alex?"

"Vinnie, nothing happened." I mumbled. "Why don't you believe me?"

Vinnie stood there, thinking to herself for a few seconds before she replied, "I want to believe you, Alex, but there's just something telling me that something else happened. The look in your eyes that day ... it's like there was no way you could hold back what was on your mind, and I think that you told me what you had to say." She accused. "I just ... I can't remember what it was."

"Vinnie," I whispered, "please, why can't you just take my word for it and leave it at that?" I begged.

"Alex, what the fuck are you hiding from me?" Vinnie demanded. The anger flashed in her eyes, letting me know that her patience with me was running out, and I had only a few seconds to come clean with the truth before she got pissed.

"Look, Vinnie, it's late." I sighed, grabbed a gentle yet firm hold of her arm, leading her toward the door. "Why don't you just go home and forget about what happened that day, okay?"

"Alex," she growled, placing a hand on the doorframe just after I had opened the door, "if you're going through this much trouble lying to me about it, then something else must have happened."

"What if something did happen, Vinnie?" I said quietly. "What if I did tell you some things? What difference would it make now?"

"It depends on what you did, and what you said, Alex." She whispered.

Shaking my head, I forced her outside, and then stood in the doorway, preventing her reentrance. "Go home, Vinnie, and forget about it." I told her, and then closed the door, locking it before she had a chance to reply.

Hearing her banging on the door behind me, I put my back to it and leaned against it, slowly sliding down to the floor. Setting my ice cream on the floor beside me, I wrapped my arms around my knees and rested my head on top of them.

Of all the times I've tried to push Vinnie out of my heart, and get over her, you'd think it'd only get easier for me to do so. But dealing with this, this mess of an aftershock, and side effects, it only tears my heart apart even more. All in all, though, the girl still clings to my heart, or clings to the shards of what's left of it. I've tried so hard to dig her out, and forget about my feelings for her, but these attempts are only nothing short of self mutilation.

Would there ever come a time where I'd get the courage to tell her how I really feel?