This Is What Happens When Love Meets Destruction

Slowly puling to a stop in front of Vinnie's house, I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, hoping that somehow it would help me make sense of all the jibberish and junk that was running through my mind at the moment. Needless to say, it didn't help; I was still as confused as ever with the feelings that were running through me.

I mean, I've always known of the feelings that I've felt for Vinnie, but it wasn't until today, until a few minutes ago, that I had let them get the best of me, controlling my actions, making me do something that might have thrown our friendship down the drain then and there.

Putting my transmission into neutral, I reached back up, gripping the steering wheel tightly as I did my best to look anywhere and everywhere but Vinnie. Out of the corner of my eye, however, I saw her sitting in the passenger seat, her hands resting in her lap while she twirled her thumbs around and around.

I bit my lip slightly as I ran through different sentences I could say just then, but I held them all back with hesitation, seeing as how all the them were sentences that would ultimately lead me to spilling my guts aloud to her. I didn't dare do that, I wanted to, but then again ... I didn't dare to.

Luckily for me, it was Vinnie who broke the silence.

"So, thanks for dinner tonight Alex," She said softly, "I guess I'll see you tomorrow at school."

Frantically swallowing down the lump in my throat, I nodded my head. "Yeah, tomorrow." I said, my mouth suddenly feeling dry and parched. "Goodnight, Vinnie."

"Night Alex." She whispered before opening her door and stepping out.

She made a move to shut the door behind her but stopped herself short and turned around. For a split second, her eyes locked with mine, giving me a glance into her dark green stare. In that moment, it was like something inside of me had just snapped, and I finally got the courage from Lord knows where to tell her what I had been dying to tell her ever since I met her. I opened my mouth to let the words roll off my tongue, but at that very second, Vinnie turned her eyes from mine and looked into the backseat where her backpack was sitting.

"Almost forgot this." She said, reaching into the back to grab it.

Slinging it over her shoulders, she straightened herself up and shut the door, taking a step back to look inside at me.

"I'll see you later, Alex." She said, her gaze studying me.

My grip on my steering wheel tightened involuntarily as my courage faded, leaving me once again at a loss of words in Vinnie's presence. So, for the time being, it was all I could do respond to Vinnie's words.

"Later, Vinnie." Was all I said as she turned around and slowly made her way up the sidewalk to the two story house that she called a home.

With each step that she took, bringing her closer to the front door and further away from me, I felt my heart drop lower and lower inside of me until it had settled in the pit of my stomach. Taking a deep breath, I let it out in a loud sigh, frustrated with myself for not telling Vinnie everything that I had been on my mind. Vinnie had since disappeared inside, leaving me by myself, sitting in my car in front of her house, looking like some sort of stalker.

Shaking my head, I lowered my hand to the ignition and turned on my car. I stole one quick glance at Vinnie's house, my eyes scanning up across her bedroom window before I turned my attention back to the road and pulled out into the street.

Halfway to my house, I changed direction and headed across the far side of town. About five minutes later I found myself parking in Jack's driveway. His parents weren't home, but the garage was open and Jack's ridiculous scooter was parked inside, indicating that he was home. Turning off my car, I jumped out and went inside the house, entering through the garage. I found the side door leading into the kitchen to be unlocked, so I quickly made my way up to Jack's bedroom.

He was lying across his bed, listening to some music when I walked into his room. As soon as he caught sight of me, he jumped in surprise and sat straight up, eyeing me in surprise.

"Alex, how the hell did you get in here?" He asked.

I shook my head and rolled my eyes. "You left your garage door open."

"Oh, I did?" He asked, frowning slightly to himself. "Well, shit. I must me loosing my damn mind." He muttered to himself.

"Jack, I gotta talk to you." I sighed.

Jack stopped his muttering and turned his gaze up to mine, giving me a questioning look. "Everything go alright with you and Vinnie?" He asked softly.

Sighing miserably, I sat down on the bed next to him, burying my hands in my face.

"I kissed her." I mumbled through my fingers.

Jack was silent for a few seconds before he replied, "you did?" He asked.

I nodded my head, still not daring to look at him.

"Well right on, man." He said with a hint of laughter in his voice. "What's with the glum expression then? Shouldn't you be happy? Did you tell her how you felt about her?"

I lowered my hands from my face as I sighed once again. "No," I muttered, "I ... I didn't."

"What? Why the hell not?"

"I don't know ... I didn't have the courage to I guess, I just ... " I trailed off, simply at a loss for words.

"Well, what did you do after you kissed her?" Jack probed gently.

"I," I paused for a few seconds, recalling the events that led up to the kiss, and what happened after it, "we were just walking out of the restaurant, holding hands, and, I can't remember what gave me the courage to do it, but I leaned over and kissed her. It only lasted for a few seconds, and I totally caught her off guard by it. After I pulled away from her, I just laughed nervously like a total moron, and then commented about some ridiculous car that drove by us on the street." I mumbled gloomily.

Jack let out a low whistle. "Alex," he sighed, "I ... well ... what happened to the 'plan'?" He asked.

I let out a snort of disbelief and shook my head. The 'plan' was what Jack and I were discussing at my house while Vinnie was in the shower. I was supposed to have come clean to Vinnie while we were having dinner. Throughout dinner, the perfect opportunities had all come and then gone. I come so close to telling her many times, but every single time, just as the words were about to flow off my tongue, I bit my cheek and held them back.

"The plan sounded flawless in my mind, but when it came time to do it," I paused, shaking my head again, "I totally chickened out."

Jack sighed softly and muttered a few incoherent words under his breath. He reached up, rubbing a hand across the back of his neck and fell silent, thinking to himself. Sighing softly as well, I followed suit and sat there on the bed, constantly thinking over and over about the day. I'm not sure how long we sat in silence, but it felt like an eternity to me.

Finally, Jack cleared his throat and turned to look over at me. "What are you gonna do now?" He asked softly. "I mean, you're still gonna tell her right?"

Of course I wanted to tell her. I may be scared to death to do so, but I wanted to. Vinnie was one of my best friends in the whole world, one of the most amazing people I've ever known. She got me, she got my personality, she got my mood swings, she got every single part of me. Turning things around, I understood and loved her nerdy computer hacker side, her tomboyish side, her dorkish huge Star Wars fan side, and everything else about her.

I loved her little half smile half smirk she'd give me when she was holding back a mouthful of smartass remarks that she was longing to throw my way. I loved the way she'd roll her eyes at something dorky I said. I loved the way she'd look at me, her eyes so intense and intimidating, making me feel as if she saw not only my physical being, but every other part of me as well. She was a sweet girl, probably the sweetest, most sincere person I know. She didn't try to be, she simply was. It was her nature, it's how she was raised, and its one of the many things about her I fell for.

It seemed that the only thing she was missing was someone who would be there for her whenever she needed them to be. Of course she had her best friend Lauren, and she had me and Jack, but there are certain times in ones life when sometimes you need more than just your best friend. You need someone there who will pick you up each and every time you fall. You need someone who defends you no matter what, never judging you or your actions. You need someone who's able to fix you without you even having to tell him what's broken.

Someone that can chase your troubles away simply by holding you in their arms. Someone that will be strong for the both of you when you feel like you can't go on any longer.

Vinnie needed someone with all these characteristics, but at the same time she deserved so much more.

As must as I'd like to think I was, I simply wasn't that person who could give Vinnie what she needed, let alone what she deserved. I was just some punk boy who had dreams of being in a successful band. I could barely take care of myself, let alone Vinnie.

So, it was in that moment that I made one of the hardest decisions in my sixteen years of existence ...

I shook my head. "I want to, Jack, I really do." I mumbled. "But honestly," I paused as my gaze lowered to Jack's somewhat cluttered floor, "I could never be the boyfriend she needs."

Although I wasn't looking at him, I felt Jack's soft brown eyes on me. It was most likely that he was watching me with a mixture of confusion and sympathy. Confusion because I was so close to coming clean to Vinnie; sympathy because he knew how much I liked her.

"Alex, are you sure man? I mean," Jack sighed softly, "it just seems like you've liked her for so long, and that you'd do anything to make her happy. Obviously you make her happy, so why are you just walking away from that?"

"Because I'm a screw up, Jack." I mumbled. "I may make her happy now, but somewhere along the lines I'm gonna do something that will make her cry, or hurt her, or make her look at me in a different way." Cursing under my breath, I shook my head again. "Somehow, I'll mess things up between us, and in doing so, I'll mess up our friendship. I'll end up losing one of the most important persons in my life."

"You'll be losing her if you just decide not to tell her how you really feel." Jack whispered.

Biting my lip, I thought about his words. Maybe he was right. Maybe I would eventually lose her if I chose to hold back all these feelings. Maybe ... maybe not. Against my better judgment, I brushed aside his words and held my chin up, trying not to break down then and there.

"I can't tell her, Jack." I insisted. "Just forget it."

"Alright, man." He mumbled. "If you say that you can handle it without having Vinnie as your girlfriend, then I believe you."

Funny how it seemed that mockery dripped off of each and every one of his words. Jack got up, muttering something about closing the garage door, and exited the room. Listening to the sound of his fading footsteps, I couldn't help but wonder whether or not I was actually doing the right thing.