Starvation of the Heart

It all started when I was left alone during the entire month of June. My best friend, Virgil Husky(We've been friends since we were toddlers) was leaving to go touring with his brother, who was lead guitarist for a popular band. I was happy for him, because he never got to see his brother, and he loved hanging out with him, but that meant I was alone. You are probably wondering where my parents are at, well they are almost never home, always away on business, which doesn't really bother methat much when I have Virgil, but he was gone and now I was completely on my own.

I tried to find something to occupy my time while he was away, but everytime I tried going to the pool, I would feel a wave of nostalgia overcome me, as I saw all the skinny bitches wearing their low cut bikinis. SO I decided to skip out on going swimming, but the sense of nostalgia never left me, everytime I turned a corner I'd see some skinny girl wearing a tank top and short shorts.

I walked into my bathroom after a few days of jealousy and looked in the mirror seeing a new found hate at the girl staring back at me. From then on I told myself, food is the number one enemy.

The first week was torture, I loved food, but I knew that this was for the best. I didn't completely stop eating I just cut back. The average healthy intake of daily calories was 2000 cals. where as I was eating about 300 that was less than a quarter of what was healthy. After a while the hunger subsided as I felt pure ectasy as I watch the numbers on my scale decrease rapidly. No matter how good I felt it always died because there was always someone, prettier and most importantly thinner than myself. I got into the habit of running, something you wouldn't have caught me dead doing before June. I would jam my earbud to my ipod in and run through the night streets of the big city, lit up by all the lights. Although I knew the city well, I sometimes found myself lost wandering around all night long. When I finally reach my house after intense running I always collapse on the couch exhausted. Now that I think about it, I'm always tired and my body always aches, but I didn't care, after all beauty is painful right? BY the end of June I had lost forty pounds, but still wasn't satisfied.

On July third I came home all sweaty from my run and jumped in the shower, Virge should be home soon. I got out ofthe shower and dressed and did my hair and makeup(heavy eyeliner) And walked dowstairs and out of our apartment building, only to be glomped by my best friend! "Hey Virge, C-can't, B-reathe" I struggled to say. His glomp left my body sore, it wasn't his fault though, he had no idea about the war waged between me and my body. "OMG Rainy I missed you so much! How have you been? What have you done since I've been gone-" Then he fell silent noticing my thinned out figure. "Rainy! Look at you , you are stick thin! Have you been eating?! And you are so pale-" "yes I've been eating" I cut him off "And you know that I am naturally pale" "You look sickly pale and so unhealthy" "Virge seriously, I can do whatever the FUCK I want, so lay off! Ugh, why can't you just be happy for me!" I screamed at him, the minute the words left my mouth I felt regret, as I saw him lower his head hurt by what I said. "Virge I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell at you like that, will you forgive me?" I said. He looked up and smiled "Of course I forgive you Rainy, I'm sorry, I didn't know that your weight was such a touchy subject." He said wrapping me in a gentle hug.

I was surprised when he swiftly swept me off my feet running me up the stairs to my apartment. "VIRGE what are you doing!! Put me down!!!" I yelled at him. "Sorry sweetheart, but not gonna happen he said smirking." When we reached my floor, he went into my room and threw me on my bed. And I bounced really high, but it didn't hurt, thankfully. I looked up at him, only to see that the smirk never left his face and that was never a good thing. "uh-Virge what are you plani-AHHAHAHAHHAHAHA" I couldn't finish my question because he attacked me with tickles, he knew how ticklish I am! I tried hard to stop him and finally I jumped on him and we both went crashing to the floor.(ouch) But luckily I was coushined from the fall, I landed right on top of him. He was lying on his back and I was on top of him facing him. And that's when my stomach began doing flips and turns. I didn't know why, I couldn't possibly like Virgil, That way, he was my best friend. we sat there for about half a second staring in eachothers eyes, but then it got a little to akward for me, and I remebered that I needed my revenge. So I swiftly pinned him down and straddled him tickling him. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHA RAINY HAHAHAH STOP HAHAHAHAH!" And then so fast I didn't even see it coming I was laying on the floor, and Virgil was stradling me with his mischievious smile. "I like it better on top" he whispered seductively in my ear and then started cracking up and then proceeded to tickle me some more, "EWW HAAHAHAHA VIRGE HAHAAHAHAHA YOU'RE HAHAHAHAHA SUCHA HAHAHAHA PERVEHAHAHAHAHA" I yelled between laughs. He eventually stopped and fell to the floor exhausted from laughing and tickling me. When we both caught our breathes he sat up and said "Movie night!?" I shook my head at the childish voice he was using but then he he looked up at me with little puppy dog eyes with his lip jutted out "Pweaaassseee" he said smiled "Yes" "Yay!" he made his way to my living room raiding my ridiculously large collection of dvds.

We eneded up watching a scary movie and it wasat the climax of the movie when my apartment door swung open. "MOLLY!! GET YOUR FAT ASS IN HERE!!" screamed my drunken father. I sighed and Virge gave me look that said "It will be alright I'm right here." "Virge and I are watching a movie, can it wait?" I pleaded. "JUST DO AS I SAY!!!" i walked over to my father and he swung his hand back and thrusted his fist in my face. I fell to the ground from the impact and he proceeded to kick me in the gut, that is until Virgil came out of no where and threw my father against the wall. I looked up and focussed on his expression, I could see protection in his eyes. "Sir, I think it would be best if you left, before I called the cops." Virgil said to my father, venom dripping from every word. My father didn't argue., he didn't want to be here anyways.

You see this wasn't the first time this happened. My parents were always away on business, and my mom would get worried about me, so she would send my father to check up on me, but everytime he'd spend hours in the bar and then come home for five minutes and beat me and then leave telling my mother bs story about how we spent the day together and that I was perfectly fine. He had been doing this ever since I was thirteen, thats when I began to cut myself. After he left me alone and bruised, but that was something Virge and I shared in common, except his father didn't hurt him, but he hit his mother. That's why he didn't mind them always being gone on business, because he knew that his father wouldn't lay a hand on her while on a business trip.

After my father left Virgils eyes softened as he knelt down beside me and gently picked me up and carrying me out my bedroom window,onto the fireescape, where he carried me to the flat rooftop that overlooked the city. We always went there at night. He set me down on the ground and sat next to me. I crawled into his lap and cried into his chest, soaking his shirt. He just sat there and cooed me and stroaked my hair in an attempt to calm me down. I pulled myself away from him a bit and said "I'm sorry" putting my head down. He lifted my chin and asked "And why are you sorry?" he asked lightly smiling. "because I ruined your shirt" "what this old thing, I never liked it anyways" he said. trying to lighten the mood. I giggled and got up, walking over to the ledge of the building watching the sunset over the city, the sky turned from blue to purple to pink to yellow it was beautiful. Virge Stood next to me, watching the natural beauty of the sunset. I shivered from the cool night breeze and Virge quickly took of his hoodie and helped me into it "But Virge you need thi-" He put his pointer finger to my lips silencing me "No buts! You're cold" I pouted but returned my attention to then sunset. When the sun finally set I went back to my spot on the floor and sat down, followed be Virge. I laid my head on his shoulder and soon fell asleep with one thought clouding my mind, overpowering my usual thoughts of not eating, "Do I like him more than just a friend?"