It's Not As Easy As It Looks

Goodbye

You know it’s crazy how one says life goes in many different directions, and the choices you lead all come to one big finale. I always wanted a show stopping life – you know; rock and roll, and all that glam. It was contagious amongst my friends, we were all aspiring to be a greater power on the media, yet none of us even grasped that idea.

Still, when it came to me, I was the one who wanted to be behind the camera, instead of in front of it. I classed myself as anti – photogenic when by my fourth school picture I realised I just wasn’t as pretty as the other girls in my community school. Okay, okay, so I wasn’t the shining popular girl, but hey, I got good results in exams, and I never really got told off for doing anything bad.

Then again, I was forced into being a smart ass sometimes, my father always nagged I should be clever like everyone else in the family. Sure, put enough pressure on me and maybe I could win the Noble prize! He was the type of guy that would give you one push too many, and you’d find yourself falling into a ravine of stress and depression. Joyful, isn’t it?

I was never alone in life, I always had a friend to lean on somewhere down the line, and besides -- I was always under surveillance by my father and he kept checking up on me. I was twenty four and I wasn’t even allowed to move that far away from my home town of Cannock, England. I was so desperate to become independent; I signed myself up to just about every photography agency after I got my degree in college. I didn’t get a degree in university… I knew it would take too long and I needed to jump now.

A ringing tune from my mobile snapped me out of my thinking as I jumped up with fright and searched around for it. I had such a small apartment, but whenever I really needed something, you could count on me to lose it. Once I had found it down the side of my love seat, I quickly answered the phone. “Hello?” I spoke, waiting for a reply.

There was some static between the line, before a sharp and clear voice came through, “Hey, it’s your mother here.”

I sighed and rolled my eyes, my fingers going to the back of my neck to scratch nervously, it was better than biting my nails these days. "Hey, what do you want?" I asked nervously, as I started to chew my finger nails… there goes my perfect reality of long finger nails.

I stopped, and looked to my shortened down finger nails. "Oh you said you were coming over at three and its four now," I cursed to myself and turned slowly to face my clock, sure enough it was 4pm.

"Oh sorry, I’ll be right there,” I apologised gingerly and soon dashed to get myself ready with the phone resting between the crook of my neck and my ear, still listening to see if I had screwed anything else up today.

I heard a sigh on the other end, and mumbling, which I could only assume was my father talking sternly to my mother about me. "Well hurry, you know what your dad gets like."

I imagined him sitting there with a grim look painted on his face and my own face creased. "Don’t remind me," I mumbled into the phone as I put on a jacket and sighed. “See you in a few,” I said, and closed my flip phone; I put it into my coat pocket and set out to go to my parent’s home.

They didn’t live that far from me, it was only a cheap bus fare away, and that’s what bothered me the most. I wanted it to be expensive because that meant I lived so far away I couldn’t afford to visit every week. I was never allowed to move out of Cannock. It was a large district in Staffordshire, England, but I often felt claustrophobic here. We were surrounded by farms, a lot of them. Inside the bustling town were just a bunch of people with IQs below three, trying to work a cash register. It made me sick at how I couldn’t get a decent job, yet they had a stable life with a nice pay check at the end of the week.

I don’t deserve this.

I stood at the bus stop, waiting for the bus that claimed it came every thirty minutes, but it was Arriva, I couldn’t even start on complaints with them, I’d ramble on too much. It was a cold day, as I stood there – looking at people in their cars with air conditioning and heaters. Damn them all… damn them for having the money for a car. I always wanted a Volkswagen Beetle. You know – cute little car. Well, that and a Bugatti Veyron would sit nicely on my drive… if I had a drive, that is.

I finally arrived at my childhood neighbourhood and got off the bus hastily. I walked at a quick pace up to the familiar small house and knocked on the white, plastic door slowly and my mother answered it. "You don't have to knock,” She said to me, I just rolled my eyes and walked past her.

I was overwhelmed by the smell of the smoke; the air was so dense with it that I couldn’t even breathe properly. I chocked and coughed a little, earning a brownie point off my father who gave me a raise of his brow. I sighed and slowly put my hands into my jeans pocket. “Hey,” I was stood in front of my father, an alcoholic, a smoker, and a woman beater, and that’s all I could say as I looked into his green eyes.

“Hello,” Well. I guess like father like daughter.

My mother joined us both in the living room and obviously noticed the weird tension in the air, that or it was just the stupid smog. “So, you wanted to tell us something?”

“I did?” I questioned her, thinking she must of found out about that one time…

My mother raised her brow, and my father, for once, shot a concerning glance. On the spot I just quickly laughed and looked down at my shoes nervously. “I did! Didn’t I? Oh yeah,” I stammered – lying through my straight teeth.

Silence loomed the room, and I didn’t know if it was deafening or a God send to the world. "Maybe she has something wrong with her," My dad said worriedly since I hadn’t replied in a long time. What? I wasn’t allowed to occasionally forget things?

I scrunched up my nose and looked around, soon noticing that on the television, an advertisement for something in America showing up. “Oh God,” I muttered under my breath. I remembered, I totally remembered – I understand now why I wanted to forget… forget it all and hide in a little dark corner and go insane with denial!

My mother put her arm on my shoulder and looked into my hazel eyes with worry. “Jennifer… what is wrong? You’re acting very odd these days…”

I hung my head low like a convict walking to his death chair. “I finally scored with an agency earlier on this morning.”

My mother and father both looked at me with happiness and smiled. “That’s fantastic, I really am proud of you, Jen,” My father said in a happy tune, causing me to think if he took happy pills before.

“It’s not an ideal location though, of course, knowing my luck. It’s a… uhm,” How could I put it lightly to a guy that wouldn’t let me leave the town? “It’s in… N-New York.

My dad shook his head. "No,” Short and blunt, like usual. No easy let down and no sugar coating.

I looked away, taking my hands out of my pockets. "Dad, it's my first thing on this job,” I said, my emotions not being able to hold back now. I swallowed down any surfacing tears that were rapidly approaching. “Please.”

He shook his head again, and simply replied with, "It's too dangerous."

My dignity lay on the floor, smashed and spat on by the obese man sitting in front of me. A sudden wave in my head made me be spontaneous and act out of character. “Deal with it,” I said, as sharp as ever, looking to him with a crank of my neck.

"I don’t want you running around half way around the world!” He shouted back defensively, I rolled my eyes at him.

My mom leaned over and whispered something in my ear, "Don't argue with him, you know what he's like."

“Of course I do. He’s this man that’s been here for twenty-four years of my life, controlling every move I do – controlling the directions my life goes in, and mastering my destiny. If you had any sense you’d see passed his thick skull to see a manipulating demon, get out of this house mom… come with me,” I pleaded with her, looking into her deep hazel eyes that were filled with worry. She was thinking about the consequences as always – and I had enough of that look in her eye, in my face in the mirror, and in every step I took.

“I – I can’t… this is my house,” My mother whispered back to me, my face dropped. She was too stubborn and stupid to free herself and become an independent woman. I looked from husband to wife, a disappointed face still swept across me.

“If you leave now you can’t come back,” My father snarled at me, it was a rude insult. This was my place of growing up, but he didn’t realise that I didn’t actually want to return, the memories hurt too much to even stay one night in a house with such an atmosphere.

“That’s it then – I’m gone,” I said, before looking at my mother, the tears threatening to surface again. I straightened my face and looked to my father. “…for good, then.”

I couldn’t care less about Arriva, or ever owning a drive way in my life, I was running, I was doing a massive jump and I was changing my life. For once I was controlling my own decisions and taking the route I wanted to.

I got back home and collapsed on the sofa with exhaustion. It wasn’t easy standing up to a guy you’ve hated since you were born. Well, that and I had just run like a mile home and I wasn’t the fittest person around in Cannock.

My phone rang, and I hoped to God it wasn’t my mother pleading me to come back. That woman could convince me to do just about anything and I wasn’t willing to let this opportunity die on me. I looked to caller ID, not recognising the number, but knowing it wasn’t my parents as they have their number withheld from the world.

"Hello?" I asked, rubbing my tired face, going to lie down on the love seat. I buried the side of my face in a plush pillow.

“Hello, this is Wade Brand calling for Miss. Jennifer Walker,” The man sounded cheerful. All I could let out was a small ‘mhm’ sound as confirmation that it was me. “Hello, Jennifer, I’m the head director of photography for Green Day. I spoke with your agency earlier on and have everything booked for New York.”

I sighed with relief that everything had been booked and I was finally ready to run away from my past. “Oh thanks,” I said, moving away from my mobile phone to let out a few pants of breath before I nearly passed out. Then something inside of my mind snapped and I pressed the phone to my ear and sat back up. “Green Day?!”

“Yes is that okay?” Wade asked, a little worried his new recruit was going to skip a beat of the heart and just die whilst on the phone… it had happened before. “I mean if it’s a problem--,”

“Are you crazy?! It’s no problem – it’s my dream to work in Manhattan as a photographer or for anything, God I’d clean windows in the big apple just to stay there. Green Day, though? Seriously? I mean, they are really big over here at the moment.”

“Oh thank God, I thought you were going to die on me,” He sighed in relief and then chuckled loudly into his mobile. “I’m glad to hear that on the behalf of Green Day, and well, times up for talking, see you Thursday!”

“Wait Thur--,” Before I could get out my words, I was cut off on the phone. Thursday? Okay, not exactly the quick jump I expected, but not a long one either… it was Tuesday today so I had to make sure I was ready in just one day.

Should I call my friends and family to let them know, or turn my back on them like the spineless coward I have grown to be? Second option is viable.

I looked around my apartment; I was going to miss this dump… a little… I suppose. I sighed. I better start with packing the essentials, but before I did anything I flipped open my phone and checked last call. Wow, it really did just happen. I had got this once in a lifetime opportunity and I wasn’t being scared any more, no, I was grabbing the chance with my bare hands and taking it for a limbo.

***

I sat down nervously on the plane – I had never flown first class before. I was nervous that everyone would stare at me, but luckily enough they were too indulged in reading big newspapers with tiny print.

I decided that for the first day on the job, and the fact that I was on first class that I’d dress more fancy than usual. I was wearing a black blouse and black smart trousers with black high heels; I was still practicing in wearing high heels. I was never that feminine to train to wear them. I’d be fine with them, then when I needed to look good I’d just stumble and make a fool of myself. Flat shoes are love, stilettos are the devil.

I turned on my MP3 and plugged in my ear phones as I watched the overly tanned and brightly dressed stewardess show me how to put a life jacket on, and all of that safety precaution stuff we should have learnt in the first year of school. I paid no attention, like usual, and decided that if the plane were to ever go down, I would – like everyone else on the plane, most probably die.

The plane finally started moving down the run way as I eagerly waited for takeoff, it was my favourite part of the whole plane trip! I continued to stare out the window as we started taking off at a mega speed as I laughed to myself. I always enjoyed this part.

What I hated though, was the pressure build up in my ears. Boiled sweets never really seemed to help me and my pain caught the eye of an elderly lady sitting opposite me to my right.

“Are you okay?” She asked, with a concern face. She had the face of someone you could trust.

I smiled at her and nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine, my ears hate this part though,” I laughed.

The old woman rustled into her bag and pulled out a handful of boiled sweets, great, more cavities. “So do mine,” The woman said in reply, she leant over closer to me and put her hand out. “Take these, they’ll help really well.”

Deciding not to let the lady down, I took the sweets. “Thank you, you are very kind,” I thanked her and took one of the sweets and popped it into my mouth. We went on to talk about what we were both going to do in Manhattan and I found out an awful lot about the place from her, since she had visited many times to see her son.

Once the plane landed I gladly climbed down the stairs and breathed in the air, it smelt… different, I was finally here, finally in New York. Once I blinked my eyes a few times I realised what I was looking at.

I could see it.

I could see all of Manhattan in all it's glory. Amazing spiralling, towering skyscrapers, that pierced the air so hard you could hardly see the top of them. I felt like an ant, and it felt good.

I walked through the airport, and I could hear a mixture of accents, but they were mainly American or Chinese. It hit me once again where I was, I felt like pinching myself or looking at a clock to see if I was in a dream.

But I wasn't... I was in New York… I was in America! Then it hit me, the reason why I was here was for work, for photography work, and not only that but it was to shoot a highly populated rock band... Green Day. I felt fear whell up in my stomach... what did they expect of me? Something more creative than I could possibly do? What if I wasn't good enough... and I was sent straight back to Cannock?

I collected my bags and went through nothing to declare, finally walking out to the exit where lots of people were waiting with signs, bleary eyed waiting to collect their family or loved one. I looked around for a sign telling me where to go, and that’s when I saw a man with a sign reading WALKER on it, I smiled softly to myself and walked up to the man.

“Hello Jennifer,” The man said in a broad New York accent. “Nice flight?” He asked me, I nodded and shook his hand. I followed him as he started walking outside, I looked around to see what we were travelling in, and I gasped... a limo, a big stretch limo! I got inside and laughed, school really did pay off, and I think I could get used to this job.

I stepped out of the cab and looked slowly around me. This was so much more than I could have ever imagined. It was a place I always saw in movies and it always looked so magical... but being there in real life was so much better. It was breath taking. I had never seen a place like it. The roads were much wider than I was used to, and I had never seen buildings so tall in my life. Staring up at them made me dizzy and light headed, I couldn't imagine being at the top of that building, looking down. I wondered what the view would be like and waited for the driver to hand me my luggage.

He had to stir me from awe as he handed my suitcase to me, I thanked him and waved him off. I looked ahead of me to see two huge glass doors that opened automatically, and walked through them. Inside was even more amazing, it seemed to be lined with marble, sand for the floor, black for the walls. Palm trees in pots lined corners, various art lined the walls. It looked very upscale but very artsy at the same time.

I knew I was in the right place.

I watched size 0 women in pencil skirts past me, mastering the 8inch heel as they towered above me. I wobbled on my heels and made my way to the reception before someone stopped me.

"Are you Jennifer Walker?" Someone asked, disturbing me from my strange fantasy

I turned around and smiled at a man in front of me. He had blonde spiky hair and was roughly six foot in height. "Yeah, call me Jenni… that’s with an I not a y,” I said, putting out my hand.

The blonde man laughed and nodded. "Okay Jenni, I’m Wade Brands," He smiled, taking my hand and shaking it.

My smile beamed as I stared at my boss. Not bad, Jenni, not bad at all. "Nice to meet you," I said back to him, my face remaining at the same creepy smile like I was on a sugar overdose.

He started walking, so I followed, listening to my clacking noises and smiling again to myself. I hoped to God this wasn’t my time to fall onto the marble. "So your here to shoot Green Day?" He asked. I nodded my head in reply as I walked at his side.

"But she hasn't got a gun," Someone said, I turned around to see who it was and gasped, I stopped right in my tracks, dead, and all I could do was stare...
♠ ♠ ♠
Finally okay, here is the first chapter, written a whole lot better then the original, but still not up to the standard I would be happy with. (All in good time.)

If you are reading this recently, I'd still love your opinion on this. <3