It's Not As Easy As It Looks

She stared at me with that look, that look that said everything and nothing all at once. She was frowning, yet happy at the same time, and I knew that look.

"Jen... you're back?" Jasmine smiled softly, but her face turned sour soon after, it was almost like she was fighting with her emotions, unsure of what to feel or show me. "C...Come in!"

Billie and I followed her into her little house she shared with her boyfriend, we settled down on her sofa in the living room to talk, shooing away a few cats to clear some space.

I cleared my throat to talk, knowing I had to word everything right, or it'll be a repeat of yesterday. "When you called me, when I was in New York, you have to understand I was trapped in an elevator, I was panicking an-"

"Don't worry, it's fine, I'm just glad you came back to visit, it means a lot to me," She smiled friendly, she then wrapped her arms around me and pulled me into a big hug. I was completely taken aback but hugged her back.

"Thank you for forgiving me, I'm sorry for everything, I really am, I ran away like a coward, but I'm here, I'm back to make amends--I've been to see a few other friends, but I thought I'd see you last, so we'd have the longest time together," I explained. "You're my best friend, and I broke your trust by running off to another country without telling you, I promise it won't happen again! I'm leaving at the end of this week, we're going back to California."

"Yeah, I forgive you, don't worry about it, honestly, as long as you keep in contact now, I don't mind, but I sure as hell missed you," She smiled. "Oh and... hi Billie... haha, didn't mean to completely ignore you... especially considering who you are..."

"Who I am?" Billie furrowed his brow, confused. "What do you mean?"

"A part of Green Day! They're huge over here you know!" Jasmine exclaimed. "I'm a huge fan, too, I can't believe you two... are you together?!"

Yet another person to ask that dreaded question. My face probably looked like I had just seen my mother naked. Complete shock.

"No," Billie laughed. "Just friends," He continued, grinning. I slowly looked from him to Jasmine and nodded.

But a sly smile crept onto her face. "Alright," I knew what she meant like that, almost like she didn't believe us, but teasing that there could be something.

I was kind of fed up with everyone presuming we were dating, why couldn't a man and a woman just be friends? There doesn't need to be a relationship! ...right?

***

We spent the rest of the day catching up before Billie and I went back to my home. The next few days I visited one last friend; Elle, and caught up with her. I also spent my time exploring England with Billie and my mother, having some quality time with her before I had to fly back overseas. It was going to be hard to leave again, even more so now I was leaving on good terms. I felt like I had matured since being over there and leaving this town.

The week had come to an end though, and I had to go back over. I was stood in the airport with Billie, along with my mother and Jasmine.

"I don't want to go now," I said sadly. "I want to stay longer."

"Then do!" Jasmine exclaimed, obviously not minding if I were to hang around longer. It's not like I had a proper job. "I wouldn't mind," she grinned.

"Naw," I giggled, hugging into her. "I'm sorry, I am, but I had to, this guy is turning 35 tomorrow," I laughed, elbowing Billie's side.

"Thanks for reminding me," Billie joked, "Even though I don't want to be reminded," He pouted like a child.

I giggled again, before the intercom announced that our flight was now boarding. I hugged into Jasmine, then lastly gave my mother a loving hug, I didn't want to let go, I cried into her, wanting her to come with me. "I don't want to go without you... please come with me," I begged.

She shook her head and smiled motherly, "honey, go live your life, just remember to Skype me every now and then... I love you," She grinned, and looked to Billie. "Take good care of her."

"Don't worry I will, she'll end up taking care of me, though," He laughed with my mother, and I finally stepped back from her.

Between the sniffing and blubbing I somehow managed a goodbye. We finally boarded the plane in preparation for a long flight back to California.

I was so sad and tired that I managed to sleep through the whole of the flight, I was awoken by Billie pinching at my own, though. "Ow!" I screamed, "what did you do that for?!"

Billie evilly laughed, "to wake you up, we're here now," he said, pressing his index finger against the plane's window. I looked around and saw everyone getting their stuff from the overhead compartment and leaving the plane. I managed an 'ah' noise tiredly and got out of my seat.

We made our way off the plane and into the airport, where Billie was once greeted again by fans, but now also paparazzi, who managed to get some lovely shots of me looking like a beautiful zombie. Billie, as ever, looked great, though.

We got into our car and we were soon off on our way back to Oakland. "You should stay at mine, it's easier, you don't have to come over in the morning then," Billie stated, looking to me, and then checking to see if I was still awake.

"Ow... again... ow! I'm awake you know!" I grumpily said. "And okay, sure, whatever, not that I'll sleep now, ugh... that means I'll be sleepy during the day at your party," I sighed.

"Oh well, it's nothing special anyway, just a few close friends and family around, some food, some alcohol, etc," He smiled and looked to his watch. "It's weird."

"What is?"

"Well on the plane, it ended up clocking over midnight, meaning it was my birthday, but we got over here and... well... it's not again... I feel like I've time travelled," He laughed.

I smiled huge. "Two birthdays, aren't you lucky? Did you sleep?" He shook his head in reply. "Sleep when we get back... I have a few things to do."

"Liiiiiike?" He asked playfully, obviously knowing I was planning something for his birthday.

I raised my brow. "I'm not telling," I grinned. "You'll find out when you wake up, birthday boy," I continued, teasing him.

8 hours later and it was 8am, the sun was up and shining brightly, and I had decorated Billie's house to the extreme, in a rock and roll sort of theme. I contemplated letting Billie sleep in, but I decided to be cruel, and walked upstairs with a fog horn. I let it blast down Billie's ear and he jumped practically to the other side of the neighbourhood. I laughed so much I was on the floor in an uncontrollable fit. Billie was practically shivering, glued to the wall on the other side of his room.

"You should have seen your face!" I laughed manically, "Oh God why didn't I record that?!"

Billie glared. "So not funny."

"YES IT WAS!" I cackled, eventually regaining my posture and wiping my eyes from tears of laughter. "Okay okay, happy birthday!" I grinned, wrapping myself around him. "You old fart."

Billie couldn't keep a straight face for long and giggled, "thank you," he grinned, "can I get changed now?"

"No," I said, keeping my hold on him. I stared at him for awhile, and then giggled. "Okay okay, you can," I loosened my grip and walked out the room. It felt like forever waiting for him to shower and get changed; I wanted him to see the house. The kids were already messing about with the balloons downstairs, which I may have gotten especially for them.

Eventually he walked out and I immediately grabbed his hand and pulled him downstairs. "Ta-da!" I exclaimed, waving my hand around to show him. I picked up a balloon and whacked it over to him, lightly bouncing it off his head.

He looked around like a kid in a candy store. "Wow... what can I say? This is amazing! Thank you!" He said happily, hugging me again. The boys glanced at us and whispered something.

I bit my lip and smiled, "so, when do you want to open your presents?"

"At the party tonight, with everyone around, and when there's more presents around!" He said excitingly, making me laugh.

He really is a kid.

***

The party was going great, I recognised a few people from around, of course Tré, Mike and Brittany. I walked up to the three, "hey guys," I grinned. "So... did you find that hamster?"

The two looked at me, Brittany just burst into laughter, obviously knowing what happened. The men remained silent, and I knew something had happened.

"What happened guys?" I asked, also testing out to see if there was any tension left between Tré and I, but Billie was probably right, Tré would have come around by now.

"They still haven't found it," Brittany giggled, "We expect to find it's skeleton soon!"

"Aww! How can you lose a hamster for so long? You guys are the worst!" I exclaimed, pretending to be hurt.

Mike pouted. "It was his fault, I was just helping!"

"Not hard enough, apparantly," Brittany teased. "They just bought another one."

I laughed and put my hand over my mouth. "Oh my God, but what if the other one turns up?"

"Then Ramona has two hamsters... lucky girl," Tré grinned, sipping his beer, "you can't complain at that, at least I bought another."

"You still lost the first!" I folded my arms and smirked. I looked past the guys to see Billie talking to a beautiful woman. A pang in my heart struck, and I think I knew why. "Whose that?"

The three all looked back at Billie and the girl. "That's Tiffany, she's Greek," Tré answered. "I invited her, one of my friends, looks like her and Billie are getting along," Tré slowly looked at me, I was unsure whether or not that was a dig at me, or a warning. He sighed and looked back that them. "Maybe you should introduce yourself?"

I shook my head even though they were looking the other way. "Nah, he can talk to her, I'm not his mother... or girlfriend, it's fine, he can talk to whoever," I rambled and walked off, avoiding the two, I headed towards the kitchen to find snacks. I found myself snacking whenever I was nervous or upset, which was a bad habit.

I sat down at the kitchen table with a bowl of chips and dip, and a soda. I wasn't getting drunk... not any more, especially after hitting my head off the floor, I'd rather not do that again, even if it meant feel a little better that Billie was putting his attention in another girl.

But why was he? Was I not good enough? Or was it because I never furthered it, I chickened out like I normally did. Or maybe he was just being friendly and talking to the girl. I'll never know, but I was once again trapped inside my own thoughts, mindlessly ploughing chips into my face.

I stopped when I noticed someone sat opposite me, but it was only Tré so I continued eating.

"Are you okay? I know you and Billie..."

"Nothings going on between us, it's okay if he likes her..." I trailed off, looking into my bowl to find that I had already chomped my way through half the bowl. I sighed and pushed it away from me, only to pull it back and eat more. "I'm totally fine."

Tré giggled. "Clearly... just be careful... I don't want to see you get hurt."

I looked to Tré and smiled softy. "Thank you Tré... that means... a whole lot to me, to know you have my back despite... you know."

Tré nodded in reply. "Yeah, I know, I'm sorry."

I waved my hand around. "Please... don't be, I am, and I just hope we can remain really good friends."

"We are, don't worry, now let me at the snacks, too," He grinned, digging his hand into my chips and sharing them with me. It instantly brightened what I thought would be a dreary day with Tiffany around and with me leaving Cannock yesterday.

"Do you think I should tell him?" I asked Tré out of the blue.

"Hmm?" He said, mouth full of potatoey goodness. "Are you admitting to something here?"

"Oh please," I flapped my hand. "Everyone knows apparently, even before I did."

Tré's eyes widened. "Ah... ...sure," he smiled warmly. "Of course you should... he likes you, too, you know, he's probably just talking to Tiff, but if you want to defend your territory... I think you should do it today... I mean, it'd be a good present, huh?"

I nodded and grinned, "yeah, you're right... I'll go now... ahh... but chips are so much better... they don't let me down... or get mad at me... or say no," I said staring down into the bowl pouting.

"Go!" Tré shouted and pulled the bowl from me. I sighed and nodded.

I felt like I was walking to my death. Every step I took I felt palpitations in my heart, my throat throbbing from my pulse getting faster. I thought I was going to pass out half way, but then I realised I couldn't find Billie anywhere. I looked around everywhere, finally opening his bedroom door to see if he was hiding in there from the loud party downstairs, when I froze.

I froze and I felt my heart shatter into a million pieces.

I was too late.

Billie slowly peeled his lips from Tiffany's and looked to me, his eyes widening. I think he knew why my face looked like it did. He went to say something before I smiled and walked out normally, to hide the fact I wanted to crawl into a hole and die.

"Wait," I heard behind me. "I can explain."

I smiled and turned around. "You don't need to explain anything, I'm happy for you, you needed a break after what happened with Adrienne," I was lying through my teeth, but I couldn't let Billie know.

"Really?" He asked, I was in a way, furious he didn't see past the lie. "Thanks, I'm so happy you approve," He grinned and walked back into his room to be with her.

My face fell when he was out of view. I wanted to leave, but now I was stuck pretending I was okay with it, when I really, really wasn't.

I felt mad, I felt sad, and at the same time, I didn't even know how to feel. Nothing had happened between us, we were just honest friends beforehand, so why would I have felt so heart broken? It was clear he just wants us to be friends.

Then why did he play me? He kissed me, he did things which crossed the friendship line. I found myself furrowing my brow whilst thinking. I walked downstairs to rejoin the party, but this time, I swapped my soda for an alcoholic drink.

Tré spotted me and walked over to me. "So?"

"So?"

"How'd it go?" He asked, moving his body with the music playing. He was holding a can of beer in his hand whilst doing so.

"Let's just say, they will make a great couple," I forced fake enthusiasm, but at least Tré could see through it.

He sighed and wrapped his arms around me, careful he didn't spill his drink all down my new dress. "I'm so sorry Jen, I really though...," He sighed yet again, actually looking disappointed. "I'm sure it won't last."

"But what happens after, Tré? Does he find another girl to be with? Every other girl but me?" I asked, getting more and more frustrated at the thought of Billie and Tiff together.

"No," He simply said. "You fight for him."

"I don't even know if I want to, I guess I just want him to be happy," I trailed off, looking away.

"But what about you, hm?" He lifted my chin up so we were making eye contact. "You need to be happy, too."

"I'll be fine Tré," I lied, gritting my teeth to hold back tears.

Because truth is, I was far from it, I felt sullen, cold, disappointed and almost betrayed.

I felt awful, and now the situation had to become a façade. I had to lie 100% of the time that I was okay with it all when it really wasn't.

I wasn't mad at Billie, no, it wasn't his fault exactly, I was mad at my damn self for not acting on my emotions sooner.

I glugged down my drink and grabbed another like I was preparing for an alcoholic war. This was going to be one heck of a ride, and I needed that buzz again.