It's Not As Easy As It Looks

I watched as two grown men, slightly drunk from cider, danced the can-can and sang slurred words in front of me. I looked towards Morgan, who just burst out laughing, causing me to catch the contagious spell of laughter. Billie and Tré looked to Morgan and I – we were practically on the floor rolling around in bursts of giggles, they both lifted their brows and finished their song ‘It’s raining men by The Weather Girls’. They strolled over to us and just smirked; just plain happy to see to young girls happy.

They couldn’t recall seeing me laugh so much since I came over to New York. “Hey girls, it’s your turn,” Billie said, tapping me a little with his foot. My laughter died down, and I sat up from the floor, just staring at the dark haired man in disbelief. I couldn’t sing in front of him, I was flat and tone deaf. I looked to Morgan, who had also quietened up, wondering if she was a good singer, if she was, I could just whisper and let Morgan belt out her words, since she was way over her limit.

It really got me thinking, considering Morgan wasn’t even legal to drink till the age of 21, was she legal to be over here doing this with us? Her sister would rather be spending time with her boyfriend, then caring for her little sister, I guess, we were left to look after her, and we’ve done a bad job.

“Jen… dude?” Tré said, I could feel his breath on my face, and I jumped back when my eyes focused to see him right in my face. “You totally zoned out there… now go sing.”

I puffed and stood up, wiping down my trousers to wipe off, for some strange reason, dog hair. I walked over to the PS2 and started looking through the list of songs to sing. I stopped on one I knew and adored and selected it, looking to Morgan who was still walking over. I handed her the microphone and waited for everything to load. My heart was beating so fast out of nervousness I felt like I was going to have a panic attack and black out. I wanted to walk out the room, but, I needed friends over here, and so far the three in the room were all I had.

My friends I had left in my disastrous past weren’t going to come back to me with open arms, and my family had probably signed the abandon papers by now. For all I know I could be Jennifer Whatserface. I wondered, and I contemplated, but I knew I was never going to take action to see what life is like over there now, after I had run off and left everyone.

I heard Morgan singing, slurred obviously, and instead of picking up the microphone, I just let it hang by my side, and then slowly just drop to the floor. I can’t do this, not now I have England wrapped around my thoughts. I closed my eyes and when I opened them I saw faces, not of disappointment, but of worry and concern. I couldn’t take talking about my old life, so I just said my goodbyes and said there was something I needed to do, before running out of the house and walking home.

“Jen!” I heard someone calling out, I expected it to be Tré, he seemed to have grown quite friendly towards me, but when I turned around, and I saw the three of them. Morgan, Billie and Tré, all banded together like superheroes or something. When Tré ran over to me first, I could smell the alcohol on his breath, I rolled my eyes and just looked to the floor. “What’s up, honey?”

I was overcome by a wave of fear and guilt for every single person I had known in my life – maybe I was just PMSing, but I let a tear escape from my eye at let it slowly cascade down my face. When I felt a finger stroke my cheek to wipe it away I looked up to see Tré smiling at, and I assumed he must of sobered up for some reason… he just seemed… not drunk. “Nothing, it’s nothing,” I turned to get away but was pulled back by all three of the superheroes. I looked into their faces and finally let down my guard once I saw the fact they were genuinely concerned.

“You can tell us,” Morgan said, coming over and hugging me, eventually, I wrapped my arms around her and shed a few more tears. It felt totally alien to be hugging and crying into a strangers shoulder, but I needed the release. “I promise I won’t tell the police.”

I immediately pulled out of the hug and raised my brow at the red head in front of me. I chuckled for awhile and then continued to smile. “It’s nothing really; I just got my mind thinking about my home back in England, that’s all.”

“Oh, tea face,” Morgan drunkenly called me, hugging me again. I looked to Billie from over her shoulder, and widened my eyes. Billie laughed and nodded, getting Morgan off me and telling her to wait inside his house, and to lay off the drinks for the night.

I murmured a quiet thank you as Tré escorted her back into the house, leaving me alone with Billie. “I’m a bit dramatic at this time of the month,” I joked, scrunching up my face.

Billie just laughed in reply, and slung his arm around my shoulders. “Come on; let’s cheer up those home sick blues.”

***

"Turn up the god damn volume on the CD player... I want to party!" Tré smiled, cracking open his 5th beer, I went to Billie's kitchen and drew out a can of beer for myself - my first for the night. I looked to the can, watching as cool water dripped down the side of it, and down my arm. I shook it to get the drips off and then cracked open a can, hoping it wouldn’t foam over and spill onto Billie’s nice marble clean floor.

Unluckily for me, of course it spilt over and dripped onto the floor. Embarrassed by my own demise I decided to tip-toe out of the kitchen and pretend like nothing happened – I can just blame it on Tré, anyways, since had had more drinks then all of us put together.

As the night grew darker, my words became more slurred by ever chug of beer I took, I hated alcohol, it was the reason my father was the way he was – an alcoholic by nature, obviously. I hated the taste, what I did, and how it affected people, but I was drinking it tonight for all the wrong reasons, that classic line ‘to drown my sorrows’ how pathetic I must seem now.

I looked at myself in the window, I squinted, trying to get my vision to clear, I think I was trying to stare at my reflection, but the alcohol in my system made me see a completely different person – my father. I ran from wherever I could see a reflection towards the kitchen so I could empty the contents of the can in my hand. All I could think of was running as fast as I could to destroy a problem which could turn into something much worse, I didn’t think and I didn’t look, which ended in my slipping on a sticky substance in the kitchen – the beer that spilt earlier on in the evening.

I lay there, on my back, wondering what the hell had happened, and then it hit me… why should I try to drown my sorrows away? Why can’t I just fight them, and get on with my life? Then, well, I saw a face staring at me from above, it was Morgan, red headed Morgan, she looked like a giant. I laughed a bit, realising how much pain I was in, I couldn’t even move. My head was thumping from the alcohol in my veins, my back and ass hurt from the fall and my heart was still breaking.

As my vision got foggier I started to replay some moments in my mind, but only ended up with bad images. I felt like crying, but I couldn’t because there was… no one in the room? I couldn’t see anything at this point, but I felt someone lift me and carry me up what felt like stairs, and before I knew it… I was out.

***

I rolled onto my side in the morning, half awake, half asleep still; I opened one eye and immediately shut it as the light cracking through the slits in the blinds made my head thump louder and my stomach do summersaults. I ached, all over, especially my head. I put a hand to where it hurt the most, but immediately pulled it back when it stung. I looked down to my hand to see red in the crest of my palm, my eyes widened as I whimpered a little.

I mentally kicked myself for drinking too much last night, and not remembering a thing, I didn’t even understand where I was, so I set out on an adventure to find out what was happening… was I dreaming? No, it was too real to be a dream. I grabbed onto everything I could to keep my balance, but when I realised black spots were over my eyes, I knew I wasn’t going to be so lucky and find my pot of gold.

I collapsed onto the floor with a thud; just hoping that maybe I was loud enough to wake someone up. As I attempted to get up, I swayed and just fell to the floor again. Two more attempts led to another failure, and so I decided to crawl a little towards some stairs.

What now, do I roll?

My ears perked up as I heard a familiar voice – it was Billie’s, I wanted to shout out his name and call for help, but it sounded like he was in the middle of a deep conversation, I felt like I couldn’t do anymore except eavesdrop.

“Adie, I know I go on tour… exactly… you can have the boys then… no I won’t sett-- …fine call your lawyers, maybe you can have my fucking house, my god damn car, and maybe the clothes on my back, too!” I heard a loud sound, probably the sound of a phone being smashed against a wall, I took this as my cue to call for help, but when I did my calls were raspy and quiet.

“Billie!” I finally got out, loud enough for him to hopefully hear. After a short moment of silence, Billie approached the bottom of the stairs and looked up, almost in disbelief as he saw me, on the floor.

“Are you going to be sick?” He asked me, sounding extremely annoyed, obviously because of how his previous conversation went. “The toilet is the 2ndon the right,” He snapped as he turned to walk off.

“No! I nee--,” too late, Billie had it in his head that I was just sick. I groaned loudly and decided to go down stairs the hard way… I stood up and held onto the banister for support, steadily and slowly going down stairs to find some means of help. When I reached the bottom, there were no more banisters, so I slid to the floor via Billie’s wall. “Billie!” I shouted out again, and for the first time today I was extremely embarrassed. I was calling for help, because I was hurt, and I was embarrassed because of that. Jeez, I needed to get more self esteem.

When Billie came around the corner, he looked pissed; I could even subliminally see steam coming out of his ears. Then, all of a sudden, his face changed into concern as he knelt down next to me. “Are you okay?”

“My head,” I whimpered pointing around the back of my skull. Billie looked to where I was pointing and exhaled loudly. Next thing I knew, Billie had his hands under my arms and had hoisted me up. I put an arm around him for support and we made our way to the front door. “W-What about t-the house?” I asked, wondering why he hadn’t locked it.

“Tré is looking after it, don’t worry one bit,” He said, helping me get into the back of his 4x4 and laying me down. I lifted up my neck to see him running back in the house and then quickly running back out with a few towels, he placed them beneath my head and then closed the door. Feeling heroic he jumped into the driver’s seat and quickly started the engine and heading out at high speed towards the hospital. “Hang in there, Jen; you’re going to be fine.”

***

“Ugh,” I groaned, as I woke up. I squinted my eyes as an automatic shield away from the bright light in the room… what… room? I didn’t even know where I was when I woke up, how great is that. I looked around some more, to find that everything was white, and there was that peculiar smell which only meant one thing.

I was in hospital.

But how did I even get here? I tried retracting steps in my mind, but ended up getting lost and confused in a maze full of headaches. My head started thumping and I realised what had happened, I remembered everything that had happened; now the only thing confusing me was the time.

Blinking to get the sleep out of my eyes, I slowly sat up in my bed and looked down to find me wearing one of those hospital gowns, I glanced at my arms to find me wired up to a bleeping machine and a blood source, I scratched where the needle had gone and looked behind me, pressing the call nurse button firmly, not long later a nurse came in smiling as she held a clip board.

"Good morning Jennifer," She said cheerily. I nodded to her, not feeling much of a fan for smiling right now. “How are you feeling?”

I snorted a bit and placed my head in my hands. “Like crap,” I said, my voice muffled. “What time is it?”

The nurse continued to smile, as she wrote something down with a pencil onto her clipboard, and then hung it at the end of my bed, she looked to the watch in the pocket on her white uniform. “Eleven.”

“Of what day?” I questioned, furrowing my brow.

“The 23rd December, so I hope you got your stocking ready,” She joked and laughed, before checking my blood bag and then turning to face me. “If you need anything, don’t hesitate to push the button – oh! You’ve also got visitors.”

I nodded in reply. “Send them in, thanks,” I smiled back at her, for the first time today. The 23rd? It’s so close to Christmas, how have I lost track of time so badly? After a few minutes of sitting in silence, I heard the door open and my curtain was pulled back, revealing four faces. I smiled and then screamed a little as I was taken aback by Morgan wrapped her arms around me.

"I'm so sorry,” She apologised, sounding truthful. “If I had known I would have called an ambulance!”

I widened my eyes at Morgan, realising something. “Y-You were the one to carry me upstairs?” Morgan nodded in reply and my jaw dropped in disbelief. “I’m not even that light; in fact I’m kinda pudgy!”

“Nah,” She laughed, shaking her head. “You’re really kinda light.”

Billie came over to me and hugged me, it felt nice for some reason, and I clung on a bit longer then intended. “I’m glad you’re alright,” He whispered, pulling out hug before reaching into his jacket pocket and pulling out a photograph, he handed it to me, as I stared at it with a ‘what the fuck’ expression.

“Riiiight, nice house, your point being?” I asked, laughing a little as I handed the photo back, he held up his hands and looked to Tré, signalling to talk to me.

“Nice house? It’s your house,” Tré said with a devilish smirk painted across his face. “It’s even furnished, and all your stuff from your hotel room was moved there.”

My mouth became permanently glued open, I was dumbstruck. I bit my lip and shuddered as I broke down in tears, the three guys and one girl all comforted me and I looked up. “T-This is the nicest thing anyone’s ever done… and I don’t even know you guys that well… oh God, you are so a-awesome, thank you, t-thank you, for making me feel at home in America…”

“You’re welcome,” They all said in unison, all smiling at me. I had always dreamed of this reality – awesome friends, a big, beautiful, lavish house, now all I needed was a man by my side. God, whoever paid for it, must have squandered a lot.

And I mean a lot.

***

"Holy shit," I laughed as I got out of the cab, fresh out of hospital, stitches and all, I got out my brand new house keys and twisted them in the lock, I walked in and closed the door, setting down my bag down and walking over to a table with a bouquet on it.

'Hope you like your new house, don't forget to invite us for a party sometime,
Love from, well you know who ;)'

I laughed as I put the card back in the bouquet, I smelt it and smiled. It’s good to be home.

***

I had walked around the house several times, looked in each room, and now I was standing next to my own very swimming pool, my eyes were widened and I was speechless, it was like a mansion, it was so beautiful, I just couldn't think why they would buy me a house this big, or why at all. It was just magical, I was living in a fairy tale.

"So... you like the house?" Tré whispered into my ear, I jumped a mile and fell into the swimming pool.

"TRÉ!" I screamed, immediately thinking about my injury and placing a hand on the back of my head. I pulled a face at Tré and got out of the pool, drenched and dripping. I walked over to Tré, ready to throttle him for being so careless.

"Uh oh," He muttered under his breath, he looked about scared, before running off into the house, I shook my head and looked down to my wet clothes, I groaned, loudly. I didn’t have to time for this, I wanted to relax. Well, I suppose I ought to try out the new bath anyways.

Once I made sure Tré was nowhere at all in my bathroom, I ran a hot bath with bubbles and a bath bomb, before unwrapping the towel from around my body, I checked once again, even behind a plant pot for Mr. Sneaky, just to check. I locked the door and unwound in the bath, remembering the doctor’s orders about my head.

Once I had gotten changed and had made myself look semi decent I set out to look for the rascal, wondering why it was so hard to find a tall(ish) drummer like Tré.

Eventually I found him hiding in my kitchen closet, nearly scaring the hell out of me again when I went to get a bag of crisps and he jumped out on me. "Okay, now that's two years off my life! God damn it Tré! Why on Earth did you have to make an entrance like that?!" I shouted, pointing a finger into his chest quite viciously. He shrugged and I let out an aggravating sigh and sat on my couch.

Tré picked up the packet of crisps which were on the floor after I dropped them when shocked, and came to sit right next to me. "So when are we having a party?"

I raised my eyebrow and laughed at him. "You mean the non alcoholic kind, right?"

Tré opened the packet of crisps, but stopped half way to putting the piece of cooked potato in his mouth. "What? Did I hear correct? You can't have a non alcoholic party!"

I just simply nodded in reply. "Sure you can, it’s easy – just don’t have any alcohol there.”

Tré dumbfoundly stared at me and then ate a handful of crisps; eating rather loudly, I have to say. “But alcohol make a party,” he said, midst scoffing them down.

“Yes, and they also make you go to hospital, too,” I pointed out to him, patting his head. “Or did you forget?”

“That was an accident, nothing to do with the beer,” He said, still trying to persuade me, but when I gave him a sad look he sighed and dropped his head. He settled the crisps down on the side and looked up to me. “Alright… I’m… I’m sorry, that was a bit insensitive.”

I frowned at him and looked away. “Jeez, Tré, alcoholics anonymous much?” I smirked, turning back round to face him, only to find that he had moved closer to me.

Tré nervously laughed, before looking to my lips, and then making eye contact with me. Ugh, this was just perfect. Tré, the obnoxious, loud, drinking drummer had… fallen for me?

He leaned in closer, and I leaned back, almost like too magnets drawing away from each other. I saw the hurt in Tré’s eyes once he realised I didn’t want to kiss him, in fact, I felt uncomfortable being this close to him. “Stevie,” I said quietly, eye contact remaining as I watched his bright blue eyes darken with sadness.

“We’re through,” He said, sadly. I sighed and went to stand up, but he pulled me back down. I snatched my arm away from his hand and looked at him with a narrowed brow.

“I am not the rebound girl, you bastard,” I spat at him, scooting off the sofa and then standing up to tower of him. “Seriously… what were you thinking?!”

Tré shrugged and bit his lip. “That I liked you, I mean you’re cute… and funny, it’s like an extra bonus that you like my band, too,” he admitted, I sighed once again and sat on the sofa sideways, my arm resting on the back of the sofa, and my chin resting on my hand.

“I’m sorry, I was kind of a bitch back then, I just… I’m not ready for anything like that… and… I’d just like to be friends,” I smiled at him, hoping he’d read my signals and bugger off. But no, instead he just frowned at me.

“Friends? Okay, we can work with that,” and then he took a moment to exhale loudly. “So, erm… call me when you have that non-alcoholic party, okay?”

And with that, Tré left in a hurry, with his head hung low and his feet dragging on the ground. I think I said the wrong thing, but it felt so right to say – I’m not ready for a relationship, and the fact I don’t even like Tré in that way means it wouldn’t work well. There was just no chemistry between us for intimacy of any level. He most likely hated me for that fact I had thought about it too much, he obviously liked me, and there was just nothing back. Another lost friendship?

Great, just fucking great.