Words I Might Have Ate

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I drift in that precious space between sleep and consciousness lazily, swimming through the haze with groggy fingers. From somewhere up above I hear my name being called in a familiar voice and reality drops down on me suddenly as my eyes crash open and I focus in on the slender person hovering above my bed.

“Hi sleepy-head,” She grins at me toothily, sitting back on her heels as I blink bewilderedly at her. “It’s about time you woke up.”

“Louisa,” I mumble, pulling myself up into a sitting position and rubbing at my head tiredly. “What are you doing in here?”

Louisa lives across the hall in a dorm with her twin sister. The two had moved to California to attend college and Faye and I had run into them down in the dining hall on our second day on campus. The cafeteria had been crowded and the twins had invited us to sit at their table. After discovering that our dorm-rooms were literally yards apart, we became fast friends and the twins had accompanied us on our exploration of Berkeley.

It was nearly a week later already. June had drawn to a close and August burst into life with days of endless sun and perfect weather. Orientation exercises were almost over, we only had a few more days left and then the term would start a few days later. I was both excited and nervous. I felt comfortable on the campus already and I could navigate myself about Berkeley fairly well. And by that, I mean I could get from the university to the library, to the ocean and to the Chinese take-out place down the street. And that’s all I really need to survive my freshman year in college apparently.

“So anyway, are you in?” Louisa finishes up, looking at me expectantly.

I realize with a jolt in my stomach that I hadn’t really been paying attention to a word she had just said to me. Just as I open my mouth to speak, she cuts me off with a knowing look. Was I really that predictable that she was already able to tell when I drifted off into a daydream?

“There’s a party down at the pier and we’re all going. Do you want to come with us?” She repeats patiently. Apparently I really was that easy to read.

For the first time I take note of the position of the sunlight on my floor. I had come back to the room to take a little nap before dinner but I obviously slept right through the last meal in the canteen. And as if my stomach was waiting for me to make this discovery, it rumbles noticeably and Louisa giggles at the noise.

“We can grab you some food on our way. We’re just going to walk as it’s not too far. Apparently,” She lowers her voice even though we’re the only two in the room at the moment. “There’re going to be lots of cute boys there.”

I laugh and swing myself out of my bed, stretching so the tightness in my back pops and eases. “Where’re Faye and Allison?”

“Faye is in our room trying on some of Ali’s shirts,” Louisa shrugs and stretches out in my bed, her hands behind her head. “So are you coming with us?”

I nod absentmindedly as I move to my wardrobe and begin to sift through for a suitable top to wear tonight. Something tells me wearing my faded San Diego t-shirt with the holes in the armpits wouldn’t exactly do wonders for my social status. “Yeah, as long as we stop to get some food for me first.”

Louisa says something but I don’t hear her as I pull out a white tanktop and a soft black sweater. Rather tame compared to what I’ve seen some of the girls walking around on the boardwalk in, but it went well with my worn jeans with the torn-out knees and my sandals.

I drift into the bathroom and change my top before I run my fingers through my hair and slip an elastic tie around my wrist for later. After I touch up my makeup and brush my teeth, I walk back out into the bedroom where Louisa has busied herself with flipping through the novel I had been reading earlier.

When she sees that I’m ready, she rises up off the bed with an excited smile. “Let’s go, I want to meet some cute California boys.”

The excited hurricane that is my new friend stops by quickly at her own room to pick up her twin and my roommate before we take the stairs down to the entry floor and make our way out the entrance. It’s just past six o’clock and the sun is still up pretty high in the sky.

It takes us twenty minutes to make our way down University Avenue and then another ten to find where exactly on the pier this party was taking place. But we didn’t have to search for too long because the massive bonfires and the loud music were dead giveaways.

There was already a pretty decently sized crowd on the beach and several bonfires dotted the coast. There was some people laying in the sand, some were wading into the ocean and others were playing Frisbee or kicking a soccer ball back and forth. But all of them had beer in their hands and even though it seemed like things had sectored off into their own private party, everyone seemed to be having a good time.

Big plastic tubs of ice were banked into the sand and as we walk by, each of us grab a frosty can of beer before we find a free area and drop down into the warm sand. I crack open my beer and quickly drink off the first layer of foam before I glance up at the rest of the group.

Faye has kicked off her shoes and is happily digging her toes into the sand, her can dangling in her hand easily. Louisa and Ali are both glancing around interestedly, scoping out the shirtless surfer boys and exclaiming quietly when they came across a particularly good-looking one.

I feel relaxed and content. If I close my eyes and just listen to the crash of the ocean waves, it’s almost like I’m back at home in San Diego and sitting on my own beach with my friends, like we’re still in high school together.

“Reminds you of home, doesn’t it?” Faye’s voice cuts through my dreams softly and I crack open my eyes to see her looking at me knowingly.

I nod sheepishly and take another drink rather than answer her right away. But she remains quiet, waiting for me to explain myself. “I almost wish we were still in high school and it was a Friday night and this was better beer,” I laugh, glancing down at the label in my hands. “If high schoolers in San Diego can score better alcohol than college students up in San Francisco, than you know there’s a problem.”

“It’s probably because there’s a lot more of it and it’s cheaper,” Faye points out wisely, shrugging her shoulders and planting her can in the sand next to her. “I miss home too. I wonder how Andy’s doing?”

“She loves it,” I announce softly as Louisa and Ali turn back to our conversation. “She wants us to visit her on her next free weekend. Her brother said he’d give us his frequent flyer miles so the plane tickets don’t kill us.”

“So you’re going to abandon us?” Louisa asks dramatically, raising one eyebrow up which only served to give her a rather rakish look.

Her twin elbows her lightly before looking back at us. “Bring us back something amazing from New York; I’ve always wanted to go.”

“It probably won’t even go through,” Faye admits easily just as I spot a group of kids arriving that I recognize from around campus, incoming freshman just like us. “It’s not like either one of us just has piles of extra money laying around that we can use to fly across America for a few days.”

“That’s a shame,” Ali looks truly sympathetic. “You two sound like you miss Andy a lot.”

“We do,” Faye begins but trails off when a boy approaches our group with his own beer.

I recognize him vaguely from one of the orientation ice-breakers that we had been required to do on the first day. He had been rather loud and enthusiastic and I could already tell that he had been one of those class clowns back in high school. I think his name was Zack or maybe it was Brian.

“Hi,” He calls out, plopping down next to us. He scans the group quickly with honey colored eyes and his smile deepens when he spots Faye. “I’m Rob. I’ve seen the four of you around campus a few times so I decided to stop by and say hello.”

Louisa shoots Faye a meaningful look but upon my friend’s rather unorthodox silence, takes it upon herself to steer the conversation in the right direction. “Hello Rob, I’m Louisa and this is my twin sister, Allison. And these two are Faye and Rilla.”

Rob’s gaze drifts from face to face as he associates the name with the person before he nods a few times and takes a healthy swig out of his sweating beer. “So is this your first party of the year?” His question sounds like it’s for the entire group, but he has eyes only for Faye, who nods at his words with a shy smile. “The first of many, eh?” He teases, his eyes glinting wildly.

“Rilla, come get a beer with me and Ali,” Louisa announces, standing up and dragging her twin into a standing position with her. “We’re thirsty.”

Faye shoots us murderous looks, begging me not to leave her alone with this boy. But Louisa has her tiny hand wrapped firmly around my arm and is tugging me upward. I mumble a few words as my poor excuse for abandonment before the three of us start to make our way back towards the beer coolers.

After we each get another beer, we walk across the beach slowly, sipping our alcohol and keeping a watchful eye on Faye. She had warmed up to Rob considerably in the past few moments. At first she had been rather aloof and short with him, but his infectious sense of humor and wide, toothy grin quickly had her feeling more at ease. The two were flirting happily in the sand and I watch from a distance, ever vigilant for any sign of distress or uncomfortableness on my best friend’s face.

The sun slowly sinks down into the sky and still the party carries on. Ali slips off to play volleyball with some girls and Louisa wanders off when she spots a friend waving her on from down the beach. I sit by myself in the grass for a while before I get up and make my way towards the ocean.

With my sandals in my hand and my jeans rolled up, I step out into the warm water, shivering slightly at the sudden temperature change. I’m in my own little world as I walk down the coast, the waves lapping at my bare ankles playfully. I’m not even in San Francisco anymore. I’m back home in my father’s orchard with a good book in my lap and the sun beating down on my neck. Faye and Andy are only a few yards away from me in the grass, dozing fitfully in the peaceful summer air. I can almost feel the tickle of the grass blades against my thighs and I’m certain that if I were to just reach up above my head, I’d be able to grab a ripe, fat apple and eat it straight off the branch.

But I open my eyes again and I realize that I’m still in San Francisco, ankle-deep in water that quickly turned cold as the sun disappeared a while ago. I rotate about in my spot and I’m shocked to see that I’ve walked a good half-mile away from the party. The light from all of the bonfires light up the beach well enough that I can realize that the crowd had nearly doubled since I left it earlier. And that the sun took away the innocence of the party when it dipped below the mountains.

I can already smell the pungent scent of people lighting up as I draw closer to the party. As I step into the outskirts of the party, I immediately spot Faye and Louisa standing only a few yards away as they peer into the crowd interestedly.

“What’s going on?” I ask softly, tucking my shoes into Faye’s open bag and sinking my toes into the cool sand happily.

Faye glances back at me before nodding towards the crowd. “They’re doing keg stands. Apparently it’s fashionable to arrive to the party when the sun goes down and they brought more beer and weed, if you couldn’t already tell.” She laughs, sniffing the air appreciatively.

“It’s not too noticeable,” I joke as I look pointedly a few yards to my left at a guy who is packing a bowl and preparing to pass it around the small group that’s assembled around him. “I’m going to get another beer. Do you want one?”

Faye shakes her head, motioning towards the can in her hand and Louisa is busy talking to a girl animatedly, her hands swinging about wildly. I stifle my amusement as I turn on my heel and skirt along the edge of the crowd towards the coolers once again.

As I duck and weave my way through the mass of elbows and bodies, I’m struck with how grateful I am for being so short—if I were any taller, slipping through this crowd would be virtually impossible. Silently I thank my mother for being so short herself, even though I very well realize that I’d be cursing my genes the next time I’d need to use a stepladder to reach something.

The ice in the beer chests have melted for the most part, leaving the few remaining cans in bone chillingly cold water. I brace myself before I reach down and grab the first beer that my fingers brush against before I pull my hand out of the water. It starts to sting as the blood pounds through my hand once more and I shake it free of water as the feeling starts to seep back into my fingers.

The can opens with a refreshing crack and I take a small drink, looking around me idly at the mass of bodies. Somewhere to my left, a guy staggers out of the crowd and almost pitches headfirst into the ice before he steadies himself out, grinning stupidly at his own klutziness.

I watch in amusement as he roots through the water, seemingly unfazed by the brutal water temperature, before pulling out a glass bottle of dark beer. He uses the steel triangle on his key loop to pop off the lid before he takes a big gulp, burping attractively as he lowers the bottle away from his lips.

He turns and the glow from the bonfire flames casts his face in perfect light. I nearly drop my own drink in surprise and because of my sudden movement, he looks over at me curiously. When his face remains impassive, I realize that he’s far too inebriated to recognize me, judging by the lazy smile and his glazed over, bloodshot eyes.

I open my mouth to speak but the words don’t come out and he raises an eyebrow up at my sudden muteness, obviously amused at my lack of communication skills. I can’t think of his name. I can picture him sitting behind the counter with that knowing smirk on his face and I remember what we talked about—JD Salinger and music and his band. But his name remains a blank in my mind and I’m frustrated with myself because of it.

He raises his bottle to me in a mock-salute before he pivots around and prepares to walk back into the crowd. Maybe it was the alcohol talking or maybe it was the fact that right here on the beach is the happiest I have felt since I moved to this godforsaken city to pursue a college education that I didn’t even want in the first place. I had been perfectly content with my life as the assistant to the librarian, it gave me access to all of the books I could ever crave and I would actually get paid to do what I love the most—read.

So I take an unnecessary step forward and blurt out the first thing that comes to my mind. “Holden Caulfield.”