Words I Might Have Ate

-----------------------------------------------------------------

“You’re staying for dinner, aren’t you?” I turn to Faye as my house comes into view.

She nods, smiling tiredly at me. The hour and a half flight from Oakland had served as a brief nap for her as she had been up late the previous night studying for a test. “I think so. My dad’s out of town until Saturday anyway.”

“Oh,” I make a face while her back’s turned—it never failed to amaze me how little Faye’s dad was in her life. And both her father and his new wife didn’t see anything wrong with it. “So you’re staying the night with me?”

“If that’s alright with you,” Faye says quietly as we drive past my house and swing into the garage.

I make a face and wave my hand in her direction, as if she really needed to ask permission after thirteen years of slumming around on my floor. “Mom’ll be thrilled that she has a full house again.”

“Do you know what she’s making for dinner?” Faye asks suddenly, running a hand across her stomach. “I’m starving.”

“She’s been in the kitchen since dawn,” My dad announces in his dry voice from his seat behind the wheel. “I think the menu tonight is chicken, potatoes and a vegetable of some sorts, I’d assume.”

My stomach rumbles at the mention of food and as Dad pushes the car into park, I grab my bag and clamber out of the car. I inhale deeply, the familiar musty smell of our garage washing over me completely and I feel at home for the first time in a long time.

I lead the way through the breezeway and the laundry room before we step out into the kitchen. The scent of garlic hangs heavy in the air and the first thing I see is a tray of cookies cooling on the counter.

My bag hits the floor just as Mom turns around from the oven. She sees me from across the room and immediately her face lights up. “Rilla!” She calls out, bouncing excitedly with a cookie tray in her hands. She starts towards me, but then remembers that she’s holding a piping hot tray at the last moment so she takes a second to deposit her cookware on the counter. Then she hurries around the counter and crushes me to her, squeezing me so tightly that I’m beginning to be afraid that I’ll never be able to properly breath again. “Oh sweetheart, I’ve missed you!”

“Hi Mom,” I pat her arm lightly. “I’ve missed you too; how are you?”

She gives me one last squeeze before she takes a step back, still clinging tightly to my shoulders as she surveys me happily, like I’d disappear if she let go. “Better now that my entire family is back under one roof again. How was the flight? Did you have trouble spotting Dad at the airport?”

“It was fine and no, we didn’t,” I answer diligently, unzipping my jacket and draping it over the back of a bar chair.

“Faye,” Mom moves on to the next girl, hugging her just as tightly. “How are you? You always seem to be busy when I call Rilla, are you taking proper care of yourself up at college?”

I don’t catch her response as I move towards the refrigerator and pull out the water pitcher. I make myself a glass of water, no ice, and as I drink it at the sink, I gaze out the window at the massive sprawling yard. I can spot two dark heads of hair bobbing in the distance and I recognize Damien and Benji, my two nephews. They’re busy playing on the old swing-set that Mitchell and I used to play on when we were little.

“There she is, little Miss College Girl.”

I turn and see Miranda, my older sister, standing in the doorway with a wide smile on her face. “Hi Miri.”

“How are you? How’s college treating you? Have you met any cute boys?” She wriggles her eyebrows with her last words and my heart lurches in my chest as my mind barrels towards a certain blue-haired boy.

“No,” I laugh weakly, setting my cup down on the counter and hugging her lightly. “I’ve been doing my homework and going to classes. My life is pretty boring up there.”

“So no outrageous parties?” Miri looks a little disappointed, but she brightens up almost immediately again. “I get it, you’re censoring for the parents.”

I shake my head, my smile dimming a bit. “No, I’m not. I really am pretty boring, just ask Faye.”

“It’s true,” Faye backs me up with a polite laugh. “We’re pretty busy with work and classes.”

Mom is busy fluttering around the kitchen, finishing up the last minute touches on the meal. She waves her potholders at everyone, herding everyone towards the dining room table. “Miri, do you want to call the boys in? They’ll want to wash up before they eat.”

Miri steps out onto the back porch and despite the closed door, I can hear her shouting for her two sons to come inside. From above us, I can hear the floorboards creaking and then the telltale thumping of someone stampeding down the steps.

Mitchell appears in the doorway, sniffing appreciatively. “Is dinner ready?”

“Yes, now get in your seat,” Mom hands him a bowl and pushes him lightly towards the table.

I make myself useful and grab the platter of homemade biscuits before I walk towards the table. Faye is right behind me with another bowl of potatoes just as Damien and Benji clatter through the door, shouting and laughing at something with their father, Joshua.

Mom quickly has all three boys washing their hands in the bathroom as Dad brings over the steaming plate of chicken. It takes us all a few minutes to settle in and pass around all of the dishes, but before I know it, my plate is quite full and my stomach is growling again hungrily.

There’s grilled chicken, garlic potatoes and grilled asparagus along with the homemade biscuits. It also looks like Dad or Mitchell squeezed some fresh lemonade because Mom has a huge pitcher set in the middle of the table. It was all essentially most of my favorite things all in one meal.

“So how is college life, Rilla?” Joshua asks as he cuts up Benji’s chicken for him.

I pause, my fork full of asparagus halfway to my mouth, and then shrug. “It’s pretty much like high school, except without all of the supervision.”

“I hope you’re not getting into trouble like you did back in high school,” Mom pipes up knowledgably, shooting me a look as she puts another dollop of potatoes on Dad’s plate. “I’m not paying all of that money for you to just sleep the day away.”

I flush at her words, but Faye, the ever-faithful best friend, backs me up immediately. “Rilla has been very good about going to class and getting all of her work done. She’s even helped me out with a few English papers.”

My smile is muffled into my chicken. Everyone knows that Faye is a million times smarter than I ever will be and if anything, she’s the one helping me with my work. But Mom seems to buy her lie and she settles down. I shoot Faye a thankful look out of the corner of my eye and she smiles demurely into her dinner, understanding my stares.

The rest of the dinner passes by quickly with a lot of talking and laughter. Truth be told, I missed nights like this more than anything else in the world. I had never really treasured my family until I moved out to go to Berkeley. I’d give anything to be able to attend Berkeley and somehow make it back home in time for dinner every night.

Mom signals the end of dinner by pushing herself away from the table and beginning to gather together all of the dishes. It was a sign—after every meal, all of us would rise up and bring all of our dishes to the sink where Mom would rinse and place them in the dishwasher.

So no one thought it weird as all of us, including Faye and my nephews, rose to our feet and started to grab our cutlery and empty dinner plates. But Miri glances over at Josh and they share a smile before Miri clears her throat importantly.

Everyone comes to a stop and looks at her expectantly. “Josh and I have some important news to share with everyone, so if you could all sit back down…”

Mom’s face is hard to read as she studies her oldest daughter’s face, but then her eyes light up as she pieces together the information. “You’re pregnant again!”

“No,” Miri laughs, shaking her head and taking a hold of Josh’s hand. “But our news is right up there in the important-ness department and we wanted to wait until Rils got home before we told everyone.” Mom looks a bit put-off, but she sinks back down into her chair and watches Miri closely. “Well you all know Josh and I moved to Seattle after the wedding and we’ve lived up there for almost ten years now because Josh’s job was out there and everything. But recently, Josh’s father announced that he wants to retire and he’s giving the family business to us.” Her cheeks are stained a bright pink as she squeezes her husband’s hand and looks all around the table. “So we’re moving back to San Diego in December.”

“Ahh!” Mom pushes away from the table so quickly that her chair clatters to the floor. She rushes around the table before she crushes Miri to her chest tightly. “Baby girl!”

I turn to Faye, who’s working hard to not laugh outright in my mother’s face. “I feel like I need to make some big announcement myself.”

“Same,” She laughs into her fist as she glances over at me. “Like we have to top Miri and Josh’s news.”

I push away from the table and resume my gathering together of my dinner dishes. “We can pry Miri out of Mom’s grasp after we clear the table; let’s give them some time to absorb.” I carry my plate and the bowl of potatoes into the kitchen.

It takes Faye, Mitchell and me three trips apiece to clear off the table and by the time we return to the dining room, Mom has released Miri and has moved on to Josh. She always hated the fact that her oldest child was over 1,000 miles away from her.

“I’m so glad you’re moving back,” I whisper into her ear as I hug her. “I’ve missed you.”

Miri hugs me back. “I’ve missed you too. And now I’ll have all of the free babysitting I can ask for once we move back.”

“Anytime I’m home,” I laugh, pulling away and looking over at Josh. He opens his arms so I hug him as well. “It’s about time you get away from that Seahawks crap and back home to Chargers turf,” I tease, referring to our love of San Diego’s football team.

Josh nods, his eyes sparkling happily. “Don’t tell Miri, but the only reason I’m moving back is because I’m tired of being embarrassed by the Seahawks performance season after season.”

“Sounds completely reasonable to me,” I nod solemnly just as Mitchell appears in the doorway of the kitchen.

He looks directly at me. “Someone’s on the phone for you, Rilla.”

I look over at Faye before I start towards the kitchen uncertainly. “Who is it?”

“I don’t know,” He shrugs, nodding his head towards the phone sitting on the counter. “I don’t recognize the person on the other end.”

I pick up the receiver and bring it to my ear. “Hello?”

“Rilla?”

It’s Louisa and our connection is crappy, so her voice sounds rather tinny. I can barely hear her over my family’s loud talking in the next room so I step out onto the porch where her voice becomes more clear.

“Hey Louisa, what’s up?” I sit down on a lawn chair and bring my knees up to my chin.

She laughs cheerfully. “Nothing much, I was just calling to see how your flight was.”

“Good,” I nod, though she can’t see me, as I watch the sun sinking lower in the sky. “We just got finished with dinner actually where my sister announced that she’s moving back to San Diego with her husband and the kids. So of course, Mom’s beyond excited.”

“Well done,” Louisa sounds impressed. “This is Miri, right?”

I nod again, biting down on my lower lip. “Right. She’s coming down in December for good.”

“That’s awesome,” She replies before she brightens up again. “Oh! I’m supposed to give you a message.”

“What kind of message?” I ask slowly, wondering who on earth could have left a message for me. Faye was with me and Andy rarely called because of the time difference and both of our strenuous workloads—we both preferred to write long, breezy letters and to send packages filled to bursting with inside jokes and sweets.

Louisa is clearly enjoying the fact that she knows something I don’t and she’s lording it over me. “A certain blue-haired boy came looking for you this afternoon at about four o’clock and he seemed quite devastated to learn that you weren’t in Berkeley anymore.”

My heart immediately jumps into my throat and my grip tightens on the phone. “What?” I ask sharply. “What are you talking about?”

“Billie came to see you this afternoon,” She explains in a sing-song voice. “And he seemed quite upset when he learned that you were out of town. Did you not tell him that you were leaving?”

“No,” I say quietly, my stomach sinking as I recall the last time I had seen him. I flush embarrassedly as I remember the awkward way I had stumbled away from the both of them. He was probably only seeking me out because he wanted me to stay away from him and his stupid, perfect looking, new girlfriend. “I didn’t tell him I was coming home to San Diego.”

“Well why not?” She exhales heavily. “You can’t just leave him hanging like that. You have to keep him updated, otherwise he’ll think you’re ignoring him and he’ll lose interest. And he’s way too cute for you to just let him slip away like that.”

I make a noncommittal noise in the back of my throat, biting down on my lip yet again. I had successfully managed to push the mortifying experience to the back of my head on the plane ride home, but now that I was thinking about it again, all I wanted to do was burst into tears and bury my head in the ground. I never wanted to see Billie or that girl again.

“You don’t seem too thrilled with my news,” Louisa sounds disappointed. “Is everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine,” My voice sounds choked and even I don’t believe my own words.

She hums softly as she mulls over my words before she speaks again. “So what happened?”

“I went to his apartment to see him and he was there with a girl. They had obviously just got done…” I trail off, my voice giving out completely as the mental image of Billie standing in his doorway with that girl draped all over him seductively.

Louisa inhales sharply and I’m a bit comforted that she’s just as blindsided by this as I was this afternoon. “You’re not serious.”

“I am,” I whisper, glancing up as the back door opens and Faye steps out onto the porch. I hurriedly cast my eyes back down to the ground so she can’t see the humiliated tears welling up. “It was awkward, to say the least.”

“I’m so sorry, Rils.” Louisa sounds truly sympathetic and I’m reminded again why she’s such an amazing friend. “If he comes around again, I’ll punch him in the face for you, okay?”

I can’t even stop the laughter that bubbles up from deep inside. I wipe away at my eyes with my fingertips as I laugh. “That would be fantastic actually, Louisa. Thanks.”

“No problem,” She replies back smoothly. “I’ll let you go now. Get back to your family. I just wanted to make sure you were home safely and let you know my news. But now I think Ali and I’ll make a late-night trip and egg his house or something.”

“He lives in an apartment, but thanks for the amusing mental image.” I smile, looking out into the yard. “I’ll call you when I know what time our flight comes in on Sunday, okay?”

“Sounds good. Have fun!” Louisa chirps before we exchange goodbyes and disconnect the line.

I place the cordless phone down on the armrest of the chair before I let the silence wash over me. Faye is sitting in the chair next to me quietly and the only noise, aside from the faint clinking of Mom washing dishes in the kitchen, are the masses of crickets out in the bushes.

“So,” Faye breaks the silence suddenly. “On a scale of one to ten, how badly do I need to hurt Armstrong when we get back to Berkeley?”

“How do you know he’s the one upsetting me?” I try to sidestep her question, but she effectively shuts me up with that knowing look she’d mastered in the first grade.

“Because I saw the way he made you light up and I know that you only get like this,” She motions between us with her left hand. “When you’re upset over a guy. And as he’s the only guy you like at the moment, I want to know how badly I’m going to have to hurt him when we go back on Sunday and if I’ll need to call Andy in for reinforcements.”

I laugh, my thumb nail going in my mouth as I start to chew nervously on my skin. “About a four.”

“You’re only at a four?” Her eyebrows rise up at this statement and she lets out a low whistle. “You’re this upset, but he only gets a four? You must really like him.”

“I did,” I murmur quietly, playing with a loose thread on my shirt. “But he’s got a girlfriend now, so how I feel really doesn’t matter, does it?”

Faye looks shocked, but she quickly composes herself. “Oh Rilla, I’m sorry.” She pouts at me before reaching across the gap between us and hugging me tightly. “That’s so horrid. I had no idea he was seeing someone.”

“Me neither,” I admit, squeezing her lightly. “But I felt pretty stupid when I showed up on his doorstep and they’d obviously just got done doing it.”

She cringes at my words as she pulls away and I can see the sympathy in her eyes. “Oh no, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s alright,” I pull a face as I look up at her again. “I’m okay.”

“No you’re not,” Faye laughs, standing up and straightening out her shorts before she extends her hand to me. “So that’s why I’m going to take you out for ice cream. I have twenty bucks in my pocket and we can sneak out to the garage so we don’t have to explain to anyone. And then we’ll eat our cones out on the beach, just like the old days. We can even call Andy later and talk about how stupid guys are.”

I accept her hand and let her pull me to my feet. “Deal. As long as I can get mint chocolate chip on a waffle cone.”

She wraps her arm around my waist loosely as we walk to the end of the porch and climb over the railing before we drop into the yard below. The grass bends easily beneath us and in the dusk, I can see the bugs fly away on frightened wings as we walk around the house to the garage, where Dad keeps all of the cars parked and unlocked.

Faye tugs open the garage door and I move towards the practical two-door sedan Mom and Dad bought me to drive around town. The keys, as always, are hanging on a nail by the garage door and as I slip into the passenger seat, Faye grabs the keys and makes herself comfortable behind the wheel.

And as she starts the ignition and reverses out of the spot, I feel like I'm back in high school again. I hadn’t realized how much I truly missed nights like this until I was staring them point blank in the face.

Faye turns up the radio as we drive down the windy, gravel driveway towards the main road. With the windows down and a familiar song pouring through the speakers, it was almost too easy to imagine Andy was in the backseat as well and that our trio was reunited for the first time in months.