Falling Up

“Evie, are you alright in there? You’ve been in there for over an hour. Are you sick? Do you want me to call the doctor’s office?”

“No, Mom, I’m fine. Don’t call Dr. Richardson.” It was bad enough that my mom was going to have to find out , but having Dr. Richardson see me like this would be about as bad as signing my own death warrant. He had never been ashamed to show how much he hated mutants, and would probably convince my mom that the only reasonable and right thing to do would be to give me up for a mercy killing, so that I wouldn’t have to live with my sinful nature. I shuddered at the idea of my neighbors and classmates standing outside of my apartment door, holding torches and sharp gardening tools, knowing that that was exactly what they would do if they found out.

I was scared to find out how my mother would react when she found out, because I honestly didn’t know what her reaction would be. She, also, had always hated mutants openly, telling me that everything bad was somehow connected to “those freaks”. Obviously I had tried to convince her otherwise several times, since that was completely absurd, but she couldn’t be budged from her opinion. But she loved me, I knew she did, as she seemed to remind me every chance she could get. We lived together in a small apartment in Floral Park, a small town on the outskirts of New York City, just the two of us after my dad had died a few years ago from a heart attack. She always hugged me and kissed my forehead, and told me that she loved me several times a day. I had a feeling that she was giving me the affection that she used to give my dad, as if I was a fill-in for him, since I used to look like him. I never complained though, because I knew that she just missed him more than anyone could see. Would she really hate me for something I had no control over, after she had loved me for so long? Or would she hate me like the others would because I didn’t look like my father anymore?

I was about to find out.

“You’re scaring me, Evie. I don’t want to, but I’ll pick the lock if you don’t tell me what’s going on in ten seconds.”

It’s over, she’s gonna find out. After hiding it for over seven years, she was going to find out what I was. It was easy to hide it before, but now, with the way I looked, there wasn’t anything I could do hide it. I could never be my normal self in public again, I’d have to remain as hidden as I could. I could feel tears come to my eyes as I realized how hard life had just gotten for me.

“Mom…” My voice was shaky now. I could only imagine how scared she must be, wondering what was wrong with her daughter that was making me act like this. I almost felt sorry for her. Almost. When she was at risk at being rejected by most of society like I am now, then I would feel sorry for her. She can handle this by herself, she was a big girl now.

Alright , deep breath, let’s get this over with. I slowly reached out to the door knob and unlocked it. As soon as I heard the click of the knob, the door was flung open by my mother, who probably wanted to make sure I didn’t try to lock myself in again. Our eyes locked, and I saw her eyes grow wide as she stared me down. Quick, before she could say anything, I had to explain. I wasn’t able to though, because as I opened my mouth, she started to scream at me.

“How could you do this to me, Evie! Haven’t I lost enough family already? Tell me those are just tattoos, please! Oh God, what have I done to deserve this?”

Anger flickered within me at her words. How could I do this? Was she really thick enough to think that I wanted to look like this? Thick, black lines twisted and curved all over my body, and would probably look like tattoos from a distance, but up close anyone could see that the edges seemed to run, like wet ink under my skin. Had I seen someone like this in a painting, I would have thought that it was beautiful, like an intricate design on skin instead of paper. But it wasn’t in a painting, it was on me, and it was pretty much a neon sign that says “I’m a mutant” to everyone else. If my skin wasn’t enough, my long, straight, raven-black hair now had blaring red highlights, and my once brown-colored eyes were now a cerulean blue, with a ring of electric yellow around the pupil that looked almost like a ring of lightning.

I wanted to yell at her for being so dumb, but I decided that the outcome would be even more unpleasant if she thought I was becoming violent and aggressive. I took another deep breath to calm myself down, and then put up a hand to stop my mother’s ranting.

“Mom, it’s not like you lost me. I’m still Evie, I just look different. I’m still the same person I was last year, and the year before that.” That was a lie; I had changed a lot since I had realized my mutation, becoming more secretive and self-reliant, but she didn’t need to here that right now. “I’m still your little girl. Please Mom, it’s just me.”

Tears were now streaming down her face, and she had put her hand over her mouth to try to muffle her sobs. As angry as I was with her, I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of sadness for her. She was my mother after all, the one who had raised me and held me when I was scared and upset. I didn’t feel sorry for her, and I was angry about how she was reacting, but I wasn’t completely heartless. Slowly I reached out a hand to give her shoulder a gentle squeeze, to let her know that it would be alright. As soon as my hand touched her, she flinched violently away from me, as if I had sent a strong current of electricity through her.

“D-Don’t touch me. You’re a freak, a mutant! My daughter is dead!”

Her voice was barely a whisper now, but I had heard her every word loud and clear. I had known before that rejection was a very real possibility, so I had tried to prepare myself for it if it happened. I realize now that nothing could have prepared me for this kind of hurt. My heart stung, and I felt like I was being suffocated, like something was pressing down on my chest. Did she really hate mutants so much that I was now dead to her? Didn’t our memories together mean anything anymore? Apparently not to her. Fine then. I wouldn’t show her my tears, she needed to understand that I was strong without her. I kept my face neutral, and my voice became calm and even, unemotional.

“Alright then, Sara, what do you plan on doing now? Are you going to call Dr. Richardson and send a mob after me?”

She looked at me with shock clearly written on her face. She was probably surprised that I was now so business-like now, as I had never talked to her in this manner before. Or maybe it was because I was now treating her like a stranger right after I had been calling her “Mom”.

“No, I wouldn’t do that to you.”

Now it was my turn to be shocked. Wasn’t she just telling me that I was dead to her?

“Why? Not that I’m ungrateful, but…”

“I do hate mutants, they shouldn’t exist, but you know that I oppose violence of any kind. Giving anyone over to Dr. Richardson… well, I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night. No one should have to suffer his wraith.”

Wow, that was unexpected.

“So then what are you going to do?”

“I’m going to work. I’ll be back around four. I expect you to be gone by then.”

I stood there in shock as she walked away towards the front door, wiping her tears away. Was she serious?

“Where am I supposed to go!?” I cried after her.

She opened the door, and before she left, she said, “That’s not my problem anymore.”

And then she was gone.