You Could Be My Unintended...

“Hey, Sazza, Sare Bear, Cutesy Pumpkin... insert other nickname I think you should have here... can you get your best buddy a glass of water? Please? Just a small one? Or like a glass of red wine... oh that’d be nice, some wine? Don’t you think Sarah?” Matt had put on his whiney voice and was looking at me with his head hanging over the back of the couch. He even had a little pout going.

“If you call me Sazza, Sare Bear or Cutesy Pumpkin ever again I’ll castrate you, got it?” He nodded slowly, as if only just coming to terms with what castrate means. I walked over to the open bottle and poured its contents into a wine glass. “There you are Mr. Snuffle guts.”

“OH! You remember that? Miss. Silly bear.” His face lit up and his smile grew.

“Wow... that was a while ago... what was Paul? Mr. Cranky bottom? Wow, to be young and wanting a nickname. That’s pretty sad really.” I took a seat next to him, squishing up and laying my head on his chest. It was something we did often, back home I slept in the same bed as him, we hadn’t had enough money for a new one when I moved in and neither of us wanted to take the couch, and now it had become habit: I always ended up sharing with someone, most likely to be Dom or Matt. Some people saw the way we acted around each other and they thought we were together, it worried me sometimes but that was becoming less and less.

“So Miss Silly bear, what shall we do today? I’m quite happy lying here, but if you want to do something I COULD get up, if it makes your life easier.” He gave me a look that said ‘please don’t make me get up... I don’t think I could handle it.’ And I have to say that I agreed with him, I was quite comfortable just lying there.

“I think it’s a good idea to just lie here, is there anything on TV?”

He made an involuntary squeek as if the thought of getting up to turn on the tv was causing him emotioal pain. “Does watching TV mean I have to get up?”

“Ah, Touché, let’s just lie here and do nothing then.” I nestled in to his chest a little more, making myself comfortable.

“Oh, wait I have to get something from the dressing room. OH! I know, let’s have an adventure? Like the old days, before we became corrupt with mud pies.” In the old days Matt and I would make mud pies and try to get his brother to eat them, failing every time we tried, except for once.

“Do I have to sing the theme song again? I don’t even remember how it goes.”

“No theme songs.” He looked at me helplessly as we tried to get up from the couch.

“Come on then.” I pulled him up and we walked hand in hand.

When we got to the dressing room we noticed the door was closed which was weird and when Matt opened it all the lights were off.

“I’ll use my night-vision camera.”Matt whispered. When Matt got excited he whispered. It was strange but one thing you have to learn about Matt is that he is the word strange in its physical form.

“Why do you have it on you?” I whispered back, whispering is contagious isn’t it?

“Never mind that... oh holy crap monkey on a stick.”

“What? Who says tha...”My voice cut off into a strangled gargle as I realised exactly why the door had been closed and why the lights had been off. Right in front of us, on night-vision camera, no less, was the clear, green and moving image of Dom having sex with some random skanky chick. “Oh.”

“What? Oh shit.”

That was all I heard him say before I was sprinting down the corridor, trying to get as far away from that room as quickly as possible. After I left the building and was in the cold night air I realised I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t think of anything but the images I had just seen, all the voices in my head was telling me to sit down but every inch of my stomach was trying to remove its contents. My legs were moving me far away, acting on a will of their own. I emptied my stomach in a trashcan and started wandering around, hoping to get lost and looking for a pub. My search didn’t last long, there were pubs everywhere, but I found a friendly enough looking pub and went inside, ordering a pint.