We All Fall Down

He slid the glass door behind him, edging towards the railing of the balcony. I followed in suit, placing my elbows on the thick railing, still holding onto my red cup of non-alcoholic drink.

Soda wasn’t doing anything for me at the moment.

I poured it into the plant next to me and tossed the cup to the side. Alex was looking at me like I was crazy.

“What the fuck, Mia?” he exclaimed.

I just shrugged and said, “Whoops. Forgot this was your place.”

Sure, it was immature, the way I was acting. But I honestly didn’t care anymore. I was just so…numb. I didn’t now what to feel after learning that him and Lena were engaged. They were getting married.

I definitely needed something. Something strong.

He sighed, shaking his head.

And then he side glanced at me, searching my face. “So, what do you think?” he asked me.

I couldn’t tell if he was being serious. But he had to have been. Otherwise, why would he even bother to ask such a question? Exactly.

“Great,” I exclaimed, standing up straighter. “You’re getting married. Finally, some responsibility for Alex Gaskarth. You’re actually doing more than just sitting around and playing tunes for your stupid band.”

“Mia--” he started, but I cut him off.

“I’m just so happy for you,” I said, smiling directly at him. “You finally found someone that actually wants to marry you.”

I stopped, staring at him, realizing how much of a douche I was at the moment, and decided that I needed to get out of this place. But before I could leave, Alex’s hand had slammed down on my shoulder and he pushed me back away from the sliding door.

Suddenly pissed off, I turned to him, ready to ask him what the hell was his problem, when I finally saw the look on his face. I quickly swallowed back my anger because I think how I was feeling before was mirrored in Alex’s face--only ten times worse.

“What do you want from me?” he yelled at me.

I didn’t know what to say. I opened my mouth but closed it, afraid that if I said anything more, Alex would explode.

And then I said quietly, “Nothing. Alex, I don’t want anything from you.”

He stared at me, his eyes scanning my face, feeling as though they were searching all my features, looking for any flicker of emotion. I tried my best to conceal it. I tried so hard to hide all of it from him.

Alex then grabbed both of my shoulders with his hand and looked down at me.

“Mia,” he said. “What do you want?”

You! I wanted him. That’s all I ever wanted. Since I was fifteen years old. I’ve wanted Alex Gaskarth since I was in high school. Since I was a teenager. I wanted him more than I ever wanted anything else. Just to be with him everyday like how it was back when we were kids. I only wanted for everything to go back to how it was before.

But when something flashed in the corner of my eye and I turned to see that Lena was making her way towards the balcony, I shoved Alex away from me quickly and backed away from him, back towards the balcony.

He watched me, confused, until the glass door slid open and Lena stepped out onto the balcony with us.

“Hey there,” she said as she wrapped her arms around Alex’s waist. She smiled at me as I tried my best to compose my fluttering heart. It was beating so loudly and thumping so hard against my chest that I felt like it was about to burst.

I smiled back at her and said, “Congratulations. You guys will make a happy couple.”

She smiled at me and turned towards Alex, her smile brightening even more.

He looked at me for a couple more seconds before turning to Lena and smiling down at her.

They left me alone on the balcony after that. Returning back to the life of the party and leaving me, the dead, outside on the lonesome and dark balcony.

That is, until my phone started ringing.

I wiped at my eyes, desperate enough to have anything to take my mind off the situation at hand, so I answered it without even looking at the ID.

And I regretted it the moment I did.

“Mia?” came Aidan’s strong, worried voice. “Where are you?”

I rubbed my forehead, trying to come up with some lame excuse to hold me off until the morning. I really didn’t need another confrontation at the moment.

“Um, well. You said you wouldn’t be home till late. So I went to a party my friend was having,” I told him. That was the truth.

“Oh,” he said, shuffling around. “I’m actually back at the apartment. I got off the shoot as fast as I could because I knew you were probably going to be lonely at home--hey, Mia? Why’s there perfectly good Chinese food in the trash?”

Oh no. “It’s not perfectly good. I found some weird stuff in it and well, all in all, it just grossed me out. So I tossed it.”

He didn’t sound too convinced. “Alright, then.”

I didn’t say anything.

And then he sighed. “Mia, honestly. What’re you doing?”

I was surprised that he didn’t believe me. “I’m at a party,” I told him.

“Who’s?” he asked.

I was silent before answering with a simple, “Alex’s.”

It was quiet.

“Is there something going on between you and Alex that you’re not telling me?” he asked me.

I was so shocked that I didn’t know what to say. Why would he ask something like that? I mean, I never even told Aidan anything about Alex. I just told him that we were high school classmates and that was all. Why would he get so suspicious over that?

Of course, there was that night that Alex had just bluntly told Aidan that he was the only person I ever needed.

But he had also said that he was just my best friend.

“No,” I said. “Of course not. Alex is just an old friend of mine. Besides, I’m at his engagement party. Him and his girlfriend just got engaged. They’re getting married.”

I knew that I was making a face. The words ‘engagement’ and ‘married’ left a bad taste in my mouth.

“Well, tell them I said congratulations. Good for them.” He sounded a little too happy about that.

“Sure,” I told him.

And then he said, “Well, don’t be out too late. Come home soon.”

That’s when I was actually paying attention and I said, “Actually, Aidan, I don’t think I’m coming home tonight.”

“What? Why?” He sounded confused.

“I’ll…I’ll probably sleep over Jack’s or something. He was complaining about how he never sees me or something. So I won’t be back tonight.”

I knew that I had lied to him. But it couldn’t be helped. If I told him I was going back to my old dorm then the confrontation would begin a little sooner than I had hoped. And I wasn’t mentally prepared for it just yet.

It was quiet before he finally said, “Fine. Bye.”

He then hung up on me.

I stood there for a long time. I don’t know how long, but it must’ve been a while since Jack had come out to see how I was doing.

“I’m sorry, Mia,” he said to me.

I didn’t realize I was crying until he had wiped the tears away with the back of his hand. I started crying even harder, burying my face into Jack’s shoulder as I said, “I think things are over between Aidan and I.”

“What?” he asked, pulling me away from his shoulder so he could look at me.

I looked up at Jack through tear stained eyes and said, “I was going to break up with him tomorrow morning. And he just called and…and I told him I wasn’t going back to the apartment tonight. And he just hung up on me. I think he was upset with me.”

He pulled me back, crushing me to himself as he shushed me, rubbing his hands across my back.

“It’s okay, Mia. I’m here, aren’t I? Who needs that metrosexual model, huh? Honestly, Mia. He probably worked on his hair more than you do yourself.”

His cheering up antics were working a little.

“Besides, the guy probably had a small dick compared to me.”

I buried my face farther into Jack’s shoulder, trying to suppress a giggle.

He pulled away from me to look down at my face. He cupped the side of my face with one of his hands and ran his rough thumb across my cheek, wiping away any of the tears that slid down.

“Come on,” he said. “Let’s ditch this party and actually get drunk. What kind of party is it without booze?”

I laughed at this.

“Exactly what I was thinking.”