We All Fall Down

“What’s the point in following them on tour if all you’ll ever be to the guy is just his band’s merch girl?”

Embarrassed and frustrated with the guy in front of me, I said, “What do you know? You don’t even know me. Don’t go acting like you know more than you actually do. You don’t know the situation, you don’t know me, and you definitely do not know Alex.”

Chase sighed, saying in a low voice, “And thank god at that.”

I glared at him. He just leaned back onto the grassy ground, folding his arms behind his head.

The party had led farther into the night and the last time I checked, it had hit around midnight. But the party was going as heavy as before and the music had gotten even louder. I was wondering why the cops hadn’t been called or why there weren’t any complaints coming from the neighborhood. But it seemed like it didn’t matter.

“I’m not just a merch girl to Alex,” I said quietly, hugging my knees. I had long left the comfort of the tire swing and now found myself sitting down on the slightly damp grass with Chase. “I’m his best friend.”

Chase laughed at me, rolling on his side and supporting his head up with one arm. He looked up at me as I stared down at him.

“Mia. It doesn’t take a stranger to know that Alex-fucking-Gaskarth definitely does not see you the way you want him to see you,” he said.

I wanted to punch this guy, hard. I wanted to hit him over and over again. Not because of what he said, but because he sounded just like Jack. I was tired of having to hear everyone tell me this. That Alex will never see me in the sort of light that I’ve always been hoping for him to. I already knew that Alex would never like me. And I’ve accepted it for most of the years that we’ve been friends. But still, it wasn’t nice to hear it from a complete and total stranger that I wasn’t in the league of my best friend. It didn’t make me feel any better.

Sighing, I laid back down onto the grassy floor, looking up towards the sky filled with millions and millions of stars. Sometimes it felt like you’d never be able to see the stars in the sky in the city. But remembering where I was, we were right outside of the city, in a suburban neighborhood. Who even knew that New York could have suburban neighborhoods?

Still looking up at the sky, I said, “Chase? What’re you even doing at a high school party if you’re already twenty-two?”

“I live here,” he announced.

I shot up from the grassy floor and gave him a bewildered look.

“What?”

He smirked, still propped up on that one arm, looking at me. “I live here,” he repeated. “I just finished up school and thought I’d spend my summer here home until I got an offer from somewhere.”

I nodded, unable to process this. That meant…he was related to skanky scene girl! That must have been his sister then! Oh my god.

As if he had read my mind, he said with a chuckle, “And I just came home to find my sister throwing this huge big bash. Since our parents are out of town on their twenty-fifth anniversary or honeymoon thing…”

“Wow,” I said. “They’ve been married for twenty-five years?”

He nodded.

“Impressive.” I pulled my legs up to hug them.

He nodded again. “Sometimes I think my parents are just so naïve.”

I made a face. He continued.

“They’re so caught up in their marriage and the pure bliss of it, that they never notice my sister, Carolina.”

So scene girl had a name. That wasn’t very scene.

I laughed to myself.

Chase gave me a questioning look before going on with what he was about to say about Carolina. “She really is a good girl. But lately she’s been mixing herself with the wrong crowd and just doing a load of fucked up shit.”

I raised an eyebrow.

He explained. “This whole ‘phase’ that she’s going through, with all that…crap, it’s just a little thing that she’s going through. She’s not seriously like that. It’s like, crying out for attention. She just wants her parents to notice her.”

Scene girl had depth? Whoa.

As if he could read my thoughts, Chase cocked his head to the side, raising one single dark eyebrow.

“What?” he asked. “Is it that hard to believe?”

I shook my head, realizing that my true thoughts had been revealed to this stranger, saying, “No, it’s not that.” Even though it was. “I just didn’t know that…well, someone who lived in a place like this,” I exaggerated my hand motion to the house behind me, “would have such a hard time. If you ask me, life seems pretty easy for miss princess.”

He snorted.

“Princess? You’ve got to be kidding me…” He began chuckling. “If she was a princess, then guys like Alex whatever his name is, wouldn’t be taking advantage of her right at this very moment--”

“What?”

I stared straight at Chase, trying to comprehend the sentence he had just said. “What did you just say?” I asked him, trying to even out the edges in my unsteady voice. It felt like I hadn’t quite heard him right. Alex Gaskarth taking advantage of scene girl? He wouldn’t--he wouldn’t dare.

But it seemed like Chase had that thought deeply set into his mind.

“Now, I don’t want to say that my sis is easy or anything, but…well, this is kind of the routine for her. She goes out to shows and then brings back guys…and, well. Things happen.” He shrugged as if he was talking about an every day kind of thing, as if he was talking about the weather or something stupid like that.

Things happen. Those two words kept repeating in my head, shooting off and rattling against the empty sides of my mind. Things happen…things happen……things happen….

No. Things do not happen with my Alex. He wouldn’t sleep with some skanky scene girl that he just met at a show. He isn’t that kind of guy. He has more integrity than that, he has more pride than that. He far more self-discipline than that low-class girl, that he can keep himself from jumping her bones. He wouldn’t take advantage of her, no matter what sort of sob story that girl spilled to him about her neglecting parents and her so-called tragic life. I snorted at this. Coming from a girl who had probably the rest of her life completely set out for her, not having to worry about things like money or expenses because her parents had taken care of that for her, sure, she had it rough.

Of course. Poor little rich girl.

But the more I repeated it in my head, repeating that Alex would know better, that he wouldn’t do something like that, I knew that my faith in him was wavering so much to the point that I knew deep down, that he would do something like that. After all, according to his punk rock lyrics, he was the ‘King of One Night Stands’.

And even though Jack had warned me to not be like everyone else, and make those kind of shallow prejudices against him just for his songs, I knew that I still believed it. I believed those lyrics, the lines of getting drunk and having one night stands….

I believed that Alex would really do something with that girl.

And that’s why, before I had time to rethink my actions, to reevaluate the consequences of the few steps I was about to take, or even reconsider logic, I found myself running straight for the screen door, into the house, banging to make it slide so I could get through. Running past the throng of youngsters that were moving their sweaty bodies to the beats of the generic rap song playing on the loud stereo. Running past the drunkards that were hanging off the banister of the staircase, up the stairs that were trashed with so many empty cups, and down the hallway, filled with heavy smoke that smelled sweet and I instantly recognized the substance being used in the house, and right into each door that I passed by.

I couldn’t hear anything besides the loud beating of the stereo, blasting the loud, terrible rap music, drumming in my ears, banging my heartbeat against my chest. I wasn’t sure if it was because of the bass or the fear that was building inside me.

Alex…Alex….I knew him. I knew him well enough to know that he wouldn’t do something foolish like this. He would know better, and he wouldn’t mix himself with some underage girl. The consequences and logic would be plainly right before him, enough for him to grasp and take a hold of. He would choose the correct path. He would mount up to be the person I knew him for. The person that I gave him credit for. That was why he was my best friend, that was why I followed him out to California, taking on that stupid fashion major even though I clearly had no taste whatsoever.

That was why, even as hard as I tried to deny, tried to suppress the feelings, I was so utterly and completely head over heels for him.

I was in love with Alex Gaskarth.

And that was enough to render me defenseless. Vulnerable to the point that I could shatter with just one motion. He could break me so easily.

So when I reached the door to my left, grabbing a hold of the doorknob and pushing forward, I stopped the moment my eyes flickered to the center of the room, adjusting quickly to the shift in lights, since they were off, and quickly pulling the door back to close towards me.

What I had seen was indeed, Alex Gaskarth.

Doing exactly what I had expected him to do. Just like Chase had said, I saw the two shedding off the little clothes they had left on and kissing crazily, even in the dark, I could see the infamous smirk printed forever into Alex’s lips as he kept on kissing Carolina, or scene girl.

I needed to get out. Out of here.

My hand slipped on the door knob and I realized that I hadn’t properly closed it, my hand bouncing off the knob and slipping onto the door, the motion accidentally pushing the door forward, making a noise. For one moment, I saw Alex’s brown eyes flicker to the door, seeing what had caused the noise. And those brown eyes had found my own, staring back at me blankly.

I ran.

The sound of my name reverberating against my ears, back and forth, muddling with the sound of the vibrating house, shaking to the new rap song that was playing that sounded exactly like the last, was not enough to make me stop in my escape. I needed to get out of that house, smoked with the smells of husky sweat, weed, and alcohol. I needed to get out of there before I started suffocating. I needed to breathe.

“Mia!”

It was no longer Alex’s voice that shouted my name. I looked up at the foot of the stairs, to see Chase standing there, staring back up at me with concern filled eyes. And in that moment, I knew how I could escape.

Taking his hand I closed the space between us and whispered in a low, shaky voice, “Get me out of here.”

It was a wonder how he could even hear me in the crowded party. But with a simple nod, and without any further questioning, he took my hand in his and whisked me through the crowd, making his way, threading through the tangled web of people that filled his living room. I remembered that this was also Chase’s house. The house he shared with his mom, dad, and sister….Carolina.

The guy before me was only a stranger but I squeezed his hand tighter, encouraging him to move faster, Alex behind his, stuck in the middle of the crowd with so many girls squealing his name. I didn’t care that I didn’t even know Chase’s last name, or his middle name, I just wanted for once--just once, to not think about the finer details
and do something completely out of character.

Like getting into a strange car with a complete stranger and rolling down the windows, screaming out the car, “Fuck you, Alex Gaskarth!”