And When I Lose Myself I Think of You

I stood there in shock as he pulled away and walked off. Okay? Did that just happen?
I shook my head, trying to get the thoughts out of it. This is crazy. Why would he like me? I’m just little ole’ me. I’m just a screwed up girl in a fucked up world. How is it that I got this lucky? To get away from my step-dad, got on tour with Tokio Hotel, and now get this chance to date Bill? I knew there would be a cost, but I didn’t imagine it would be at the expense of someone else. Especially that person being Tom.

“Bri? Brianna, are you okay?” I heard Bill ask.

I nodded. I wouldn’t tell him his twin kissed me. I wouldn’t tell him that his twin likes me. “I’m fine,” I replied.

I saw him walk over to me and stand next to me. “What did Tom have to say? He left rather quickly,” Bill said.

“He didn’t want to talk about it,” I half-lied, “He probably just had a bad lay last night.”

Bill chuckled and kissed me. I felt awful as soon as his lips touched mine because of the stupid thought that ran through my head. “They don’t feel the same as Tom’s,” I thought, “Tom’s are softer.”

No! Bad Bri! Think Bill, you boyfriend. Not Tom, boyfriend’s brother! Bad Brianna! I broke the kiss and smiled at him. “Hey Bill?” I asked.

“Yeah?” he asked.

“When’s the last time we hung out. You know, just the two of us?” I asked.

“It’s been a while. How about tonight, okay? After the show. Where do you want to go? We can go anywhere,” he said.

“I don’t care. Anywhere works,” I replied, “As long as I can get your brother off of my mind.”

He smiled and kissed me again. “Okay. I’ll see you at the show,” he said, “We’ve got sound check and interviews today. You’ll be fine here, right?”

I nodded. “Yeah. Leave me here to think about your brother kissing me,” I thought.

“Good,” he said before kissing me and walking off.

(After show)

We walked around the venue for a bit. The arena itself was empty, so we didn’t have to deal with fans. Guess how I spent my alone time? I’ll give you one guess.

I sat down on the edge of the stage and looked at Bill. “Sit with me?” I asked.

He sat next to me and wrapped an arm around my shoulders. He kissed my cheek. “Have fun tonight?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I said. Excluding the fact that Tom looked over at me every chance he got. I’m going to have to talk to that boy.

“That’s good,” Bill said grabbing my hand.

I leaned into him. “I like this,” I said, “Sitting on the stage after the show. It’s quiet. Peaceful.”

“Yeah. Especially after a show like tonight,” he said.

“You guys were phenomenal tonight. I’m proud.”

He smiled a genuine smile. Not the smile he gives cameras and interviewers. Those are forced. This smile is the one he makes when he’s happy.

I snuggled into him. He cupped my face in his hand and brought his lips down on mine in a soft kiss. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him back. His other hand went to my waist and he pulled me closer to him. I smiled into the kiss when I heard foot steps on the stage.

“Hey Bill! There you…oh. Sorry,” I heard Tom say.

Bill broke the kiss and I buried my face in the crook of Bill’s neck. I didn’t want to see the look on Tom’s face. I don’t think I could handle it.

“Yeah Tom?” Bill asked.

“Nothing. Jost was just wondering where you two were. We’re getting ready to go out for a night on the town,” Tom replied, “I’ll leave you two alone. We’re leaving in five.”

“Okay, Tomi,” Bill said.

I heard Tom walk away and Bill say, “Now, where were we?”

I looked up at him and crashed my lips onto his in a needy kiss. I had to get Tom off my mind. I only could when I was kissing Bill.

He kissed back, his hand resting on my waist. I broke the kiss and said, “Come on. Let’s go celebrate an amazing show with a night on the town.”

Bill nodded and we stood up. He grabbed my hand and kissed me again. He smiled and we left the stage.