And When I Lose Myself I Think of You

“Bri? Brianna, wake up,” I heard someone whisper to me as they lightly shook my shoulder.

I sat up and realized I was still outside. Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I looked to see that it was Bill trying to wake me up. I gave him a weak smile and whispered, “Hey.”

“Hey,” he said smiling, “Why are you out here? It must have been freezing last night.”

I sat up better and replied, “I wasn’t tired. I guess I just lost track of time and didn’t notice I fell asleep.”

He kissed the temple of my head and said, “Well come on. Let’s get something to eat. Everyone else is downstairs in the lobby.”

I nodded and stood up. “Okay Billa. I’ll be down in a second,” I said.

He nodded and placed a kiss on my cheek before leaving my room. I walked into my room and laid down on one of the beds. I can’t believe I fell asleep outside. Well, last night ended in a twist. I sighed and laid on my stomach. What was I gonna do? It would be awkward being around Tom now. Especially if Bill’s with us, too.

I buried my face in my pillow and let out a good, muffled scream. I really need to get my priorities straight. Right now. Okay. I want Bill. I like Bill. A lot. Bill makes me happy. I don’t want Tom. Tom’s like a big brother. A sexy big--no. Bad Brianna. Tom’s not sexy. Tom’s weird and perverted and odd and cute and sweet and--NO! Bad Bri!

A knock interrupted my train of thought. Sighing, I got out of bed and walked over to the door, opening it without thinking. “Yeah?” I asked when I saw it was Tom, “Can I help you?”

He looked at me for a second when he replied, “Bill sent me up here to get you for breakfast before everything ran out.”

I nodded. “Okay, Tom,” I replied, “I’ll be down in a moment. I just need to get dressed.”

“Okay,” he said. He looked at me for a second when he asked, “Are you okay, Bri?”

I looked at him confused. “Yeah. Why do you ask?” I asked.

“Well, your eyes look a little puffy and slightly red, like you’ve been crying.”

I shrugged. “I’m fine, Tom. Don’t worry about me.”

He sighed. “Too late for that.”

I buried my face in my hands. “Look, I’m sorry if you don’t like me dating your brother, okay? But in all honesty, you didn’t even try to get me. If you liked me so much, why didn’t you show me?” I asked him.

He fixed his hat. “Can we not talk about it out here?”

I nodded and moved out of the way to let him in the room. He walked in and I said, “Okay. Explain.”

He sat on the bed. “What do you want me to say?”

“I don’t know. You just confuse me.”

“I’ve heard that one a bunch of times.”

“Just tell me why you didn’t show me that you liked me as much as you’re telling me you did.”

“I was thinking about my reputation, okay? I’ve worked up this reputation of a player, a lady’s man. What would the public think if I started sticking to one girl? And all honesty, I was looking out of you.”

“Right. You were worried about your image to the public. And how were you looking out for me?”

“I’m a well-known musician. If we were to be photographed together, it could end up in a magazine and your step-father could easily find out where you are from seeing you with me. Why do you think we don’t have you come to interviews with us?”

Well, that did explain why they did that. “I’m still confused. You were more worried about your image than keeping me around?”

“I never said that.”

“But you implied it.”

He sighed. “Look, I know I’m an idiot for not going after you when I had the chance. And I won’t do anything to cause you and my brother to break up. Bill would kill me.”

“Bill? Kill you? Nah. Bill’s too nice.”

He gave me a serious look. “Did Bill ever tell you about the fights we got into?”

I shook my head. “No.”

“Well, they got bad. And trust me, you do not wanna piss Bill off. It’s a bad idea. However, if you and Bill break up on your own accord and Bill’s moved on, you can bet I’ll go after you.”

I nodded. “Okay. Well, I need to get dressed, okay? That means you have to leave.”

“Awww. Do I have to leave?”

A little smirk played his lips. “Yes. I’m dating Bill. And even Bill hasn’t seen me in my underthings. So now is your cue to go.”

He sighed. “Okay. I’ll see you when you get downstairs.” He kissed my cheek before leaving the room.

I stood there for a moment before burying my face in my hands. “Oh god what am I getting myself into?” I sighed before digging through my bags for clothes. What was I getting myself into?