Ashita no Kioku

I hurt.

I hurt.

I hurt.

I hurt.

I hurt.

I hurt.

I hurt.

I hurt.

I hurt.

I hurt.

I hurt.

I hurt.

I hurt.

I hurt.

I hurt.

I hurt.

That was all I could think, all I could feel.

I didn’t go to school, I didn’t leave my room, I didn’t even move. His last words, their last words, their last looks, his cute face, Matsumoto-kun’s angry glare, Aiba’s hurt face, the foreigner girl’s guilty expression which was mirrored only by Ninomiya-kun, and Sakurai-kun’s apologetic gaze replayed in my head, each time making me lose my breath and hot tears to burn my skin.

A new wave of sadness ransacked me, making a cry rip through my vocal cords, and my lungs heaving air that wouldn’t come.

This time tears didn’t overflow, I guess I was running dry.

-Later-

Megumi had come over, her eyes also red and puffy.

“Shizuko…” she croaked, I opened my eyes.

“What?”

“Put ‘A.RA.SHI’ on.” She whispered, I stood and turned my CD player on, suddenly it burst through my room.

At first we sat in silence simply sniffling but like magic, it made me smile. I looked over at Megumi who giggled and began to sway to the music.

“‘You are my soul, soul! You are always by my side. I won't let it go! No one can get in the way. Gathering wind throughout my body and blowing it out. A.RA.SHI. A.RA.SHI for dream.’” we sang along, we even danced to it.

“We should go back,” Megumi said as we laid back down, “and this time let’s mean it.” I nodded.

“But first.” She looked at me, her expression serious. “You have to confess to Ohno-kun, it’s the only way you will ever truly let him go.” I nodded.

“I know…but how am I gonna do that now?” I asked, my voice cracked a bit, Megumi’s hand patted my shoulder sympathetically.

“An opportunity will present itself.” She said softly.

“And if doesn’t?”

“Then you aren’t meant to be.” She said this even softer, so much more I almost didn’t hear her.

-Later-

My mother had kicked us out of the house, so now we were wondering aimlessly around Tokyo.

“Then you aren’t meant to be….” Her voice kept bouncing around my head.

The crosswalk was beeping up ahead, and I glanced across the street, and for a second I thought I saw Aiba-kun bouncing around with Ogata-chan into a store, I blinked, it couldn’t have possibly been them.

“Shit…” I looked at Megumi who was looking at the crosswalk-light in complete horror, I looked over my eyes widening. Ninomiya-kun stood alone at the crosswalk, he yawned and pouted, I followed his line of vision to see the foreigner girl, Sakurai-kun, and Ohno-kun waiting for him.

He shook his head and looked towards us, his eyes wide, he turned back around and faced forward, but I could see the fidget, the alarming panic that was rising, he dashed forward.

A car raced towards him, and Ninomiya-kun seemed to be moving in slow motion and the car seemed to be speeding up, Ohno-kun ran towards him at the exact moment I did, Ohno-kun grabbed his hand and pulled him forward at the same time I pushed at Ninomiya-kun’s back.

“I love you, Ohno-kun.”

I knew this wasn’t the right moment, it was never going to be the right moment, I looked up to see Ohno-kun’s eyes get wider, I wonder did he even hear me.

...

My world went black.