Sinners and Saints

I stood there, rooted to the spot where she had slapped me, wondering what this meant for us. I was fairly sure it meant that we were over. Lexy came up silently behind me and put a hand on my shoulder. "Ash I-" "SHUT UP. I FUCKING HATE YOU LEXY YOU HAVE RUINED EVERYTHING FOR ME. EVERYTHING." I whirled around and slapped her hard in the face. She didn't even flinch, just stood there and took it. I kept hitting and slapping her and she didn't even move. "SAY SOMETHING GODDAMMIT." I screamed in her face. Tears were pouring from my eyes, and I didn't think they were ever going to stop. I fell to the ground and sobbed, huge torrents of pain and fear and guilt and sorrow. I thought my tears would carry me away and drown me for my sins. Lexy knelt next to me and stroked my back silently, and I let her because I was too far gone to shake her off. I cried like that for what might have been seconds, minutes, hours or maybe even years. Nothing could ever hurt like this, because I had lost her and it was all my fault. It was worse than death. Lexy gathered me into her arms and held me tight as I tried to pull away from her. After awhile my sobs died down and I let her hold me, still whimpering and snot running down my face. Lexy pulled me up and half dragged, half carried me into her house and down the hall to her room. She put me carefully onto her bed. She grabbed a pillow and a blanket and layed down on the floor. "I'm so sorry Ash...I never meant for this to happen..." She whispered. I knew it too. I pulled my knees up to my chest. "Lexy...please...I don't want to be alone..." She was silent for a moment then she slipped into bed next to me, holding me too her. I curled up right next to her and she held me silently not saying a word. I sobbed into her like this for the rest of the night, and well into dawn when I finally managed a fitful sleep.

I woke up with my eyes on fire, red and puffy. Lexy was still holding onto me, snoring as only she could. I almost forgot what had happened but that didn't last soon. The horrible moments of last night came crashing back down onto me. I moaned in agony and rocked back and forth. Somewhere though, in the back of my mind, I knew I enjoyed every moment of Lexy. I knew I wanted her again, and I knew it would happen again. I wasn't sure I loved her like Nikki, but I was fairly sure it was almost as much. The gently tucked a piece of hair behind her ear that had fallen in front of her mouth in sleep. I smiled and layed back down. As guilty as I felt I'm glad Nikki found out now, and not later down the road. Still though...it hurt worse then being set on fire, because I still loved Nikki. I loved and did love her more then anything, and hurting her was killing me.