Sinners and Saints

I found her three hours later, when I got home from Lexy's, propped against the sink. Her eyes were closed and she was smiling, and she was pale...so pale. The scissors were in one hand, and the other...the other was mangled. Nothing but bloody meat. I could see the tendons and muscles and what I'm guessing was the final cut...bone. Her pure white bone. White like innocence...and white like death. Her blood was everywhere, flowing like rivers across the tile. I didn't even cry, I just stood there with my head bowed knowing this was my fault. This was my doing. This was how much she had loved me. I knelt next to her and cradled her in my arms, not caring the blood that was getting on me. I heard foot steps behind me and somewhere in the distance my mother screamed. My dad came in, hearing her scream and tried to pull me away but I didn't let him. I couldn't let him. He didn't understand that I was paying for my sin. That I was paying for what I had done...for what I had thought... They didn't realize that this was my fault. I had killed their daughter, my sister, my twin, and my love. A scream ripped it's way through my throat. Something harsh and hurt, like a wounded animal. It scared me. All I felt was pain at that moment, burning me, choking me. I thought it was going to reduce me to ashes. I deserved it though. In someways I almost hoped it would, because I wasn't sure I could live with it for the rest of my life. I knew I would though. I knew that this wasn't ever going to stop hurting also, that I would burn for the rest of my life in silence. I knew I would burn long after I was dead because nothing, nothing could ever take away this pain. I don't know how long I stayed there, holding her in my arms. It seemed like an eternity. Finally someone pulled me away and took me into the kitchen. I went with them numbly and sat down on the seat. They placed a grilled cheese in front of me. I could hear them talking, but I couldn't make out what they said. I was too wrapped up in my misery. Too wrapped up in my own personal hell. Too dead.