As the Sister of Harry Potter

To tell the truth, our first Quidditch practice was a nightmare. The Slytherin team minus Sarlanda had shown up, and they made Ron so flustered he threw the Quaffle too hard at Katie and gave her a nosebleed. After it escalated to streaming out her nose and she looked pale, I called off practice and had the Twins take her up to Hospital.

The next week was spent completing tedious essays for Snape and McGonagall and planning our next prank, which was due to go in effect Thursday afternoon. It was all Fred, George, and Lee Jordan, since they had the least number of classes on Thursdays. Plus, we figured this could be Lee’s initiation prank into the Marauders.

I sat in History of Magic, passing notes to Cedric and occasionally writing down the important stuff Binns said. Class was almost over, and Cedric and I were almost free for alone time—

BANG!

Water flooded the floor and at the front of the classroom landed a toilet with a screaming first year Ravenclaw girl perched upon it, her skirt around her ankles and trying to cover herself up. The room of five students burst out laughing. I actually fell out of my desk, holding my side. When the bell rang, Cedric and I left for the Library, still chuckling.

“That you lot?” he asked as we sat in our usual corner.

“Yes. Well, technically, Misters Terminator, Matrix, and our latest recruit.”

“New recruit? Who?” Cedric asked as he flipped through an Ancient Runes book.

“You’ll find out tonight,” I told him teasingly.

-

That evening were the announcements. “Hello everyone! This is Mr. Terminator speaking!” rang Fred’s voice through the Hall. “I’d like to welcome our newest member of the Marauders!”

“Hello, I’m Mr. Palm Tree!”

I chuckled at Lee’s nickname; Ophilia had gone pretty crazy with naming us all.

“Now, as you may have noticed, several toilets with students attached have been popping up all over school!”

“This is because every toilet in Hogwarts minus ones in dormitories are now Portkeys!”

“If you touch one, you will be transported to a random location within Hogwarts!”

“This will probably last about a week,” added Fred. “And now Mr. Palm Tree would like to wrap up with a little joke!”

“OK, here it goes… you might be a Pureblood if… your parents got a divorce, but remained related.”

You could tell how many Purebloods were at Hogwarts, because nearly every one of them started screaming insults. Everyone else in the Hall started laughing. Umbridge looks enraged. Professor Sprout chuckled.

Lee was bloody brilliant.

-

By the end of the week and the Portkey toilet prank, nearly everyone in the school had mastered the art of holding their bladders. After Quidditch practice on Saturday, Sarlanda and I went up to her dorm to read our latest comments. Most were encouraging. One sent in by Pansy Parkinson read, “You Marauders are so stupid, Umbridge will catch you and I’m going to laugh when she does.” Sarlanda snorted and threw that one aside. One addressed to Ophilia read, “‘Miss Kumquat’? Really Ophilia? Love, Stacey.” Another one to Sarlanda read, “Miss Skulls; Your voice is so lovely, I want you. Meet me down at the Lake tonight. You lover, Cormac McLaggen.” We both fell into fits of laughter at this. Then we got ready for announcements.

“Good afternoon everyone! This is Miss Phoenix!”

“And Miss Skulls!”

I was about to say something, but had a sudden idea and gave the microphone back to Sarlanda. “Um… and I would like to say… that… Cormac McLaggen! I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to decline you request for a date!” I was still digging in my bag, so she added, “I mean, you’re really not my type. Plus, you sister Ophilia says you have the kissing experience of a thirteen-year-old.”

I finally found what I was looking for; the bottle of Jinx Ink that Sarlanda had given me for my last birthday, dusty and unused. I grabbed a spare bit of parchment and wrote, “Pansy Parkinson has elephant skin and ‘xoxo The Marauders’ inked on her forehead.”

“And now,” I said, snatching the microphone back, “if everyone will please look at Pansy Parkinson at the Slytherin table, you will see what happens when you mess with The Marauders.” Even with being so far away from the Great Hall, I swore I could hear laughter coming from it.

“So this is Phoenix and Skulls, signing off. Miss Phoenix would like to tell Pansy that she’ll look like that for the next twenty-four hours.”

“Miss Skulls would like to add that this is a warning to everyone, because we don’t take crap. From anyone.”

-

Later that evening, I got kicked out of the Library at around nine, so I collected my books and went back to the Gryffindor Commonroom to finish my Herbology essay. The commonroom was practically empty. Hermione was knitting House Elf hats. Ron and Harry were still slaving over Potions essays as they had been when I had left for the Library. Hyden and Launa completed the group, playing a violent game of chess. I took a seat at Harry and Ron’s bale and glanced at their essays. “You still haven’t finished them?”

“Shut it Jen, not everyone’s as brilliant as you,” grumbled Ron as he crossed something out.

“If you wouldn’t take that tone, I’d help you.”

“We already asked Launa and Hermione. They won’t help us either,” said Harry.

I rolled my eyes. “You two are hopeless.” I pulled out my Herbology essay and began work on it.

I had just finished Herbology and had begun Charms when Launa said, “Ron, isn’t zat Percy’s owl?” We all looked up and sure enough, Hermes was tapping on the window. Ron let him in, and he dropped a letter addressed to Ron on the table and flew back outside.

“What the bloody hell does he want with me?” Ron asked as he ripped it open. We all crowded around him to read it.

Dear Ron,

I have heard from the Minister of Magic himself that you have become a Prefect.

I was pleasantly surprised to hear this, because I thought you might go down the “Fred and George” path. But I am glad you decided to follow in my footsteps instead. But I also want to give you advice, hence my sending this at night.

I have gathered from the Minister and other that you are still seeing a lot of the Potters, particularly Harry Potter. Ron, nothing could put you at more risk of losing your badge than continuing to associate yourself with them. They are “Dumbledore’s Favorites,” but you will find that Dumbledore might not be in charge for much longer. See theDaily Prophet tomorrow if you want more explanation.

If you are afraid of severing ties with the Potters – I know they can be unbalanced, and I’m not sure about the younger, but the elder can defiantly get quite violent – I urge you to speak to Dolores Umbridge, a very delightful woman, who I know would be more than happy to advise you.

This leads me to more advice. As I said, Dumbledore’s regime over Hogwarts may soon end. Therefore, your loyalty, Ron, should be to the school and the Ministry, not him. I am sorry to hear that Professor Umbridge is getting very little support from the staff in making the necessary changes that Hogwarts needs. Although she should soon find this easier, (again, see theProphet!) a student who shows her help now could be very well placed for Head Boy-ship in a couple years!

Again, think of what I’ve said, (especially about the Potters) and congratulations on becoming a Prefect.

Your brother,
Percy

Harry and I looked up at Ron. “Well Ron, if you, er, what was it?” Harry checked the letter, “‘sever ties’ with us, I swear we won’t get violent.”

“‘Very delightful,’ ” I quoted venomously, “ruddy git. I’d like to see the look on his face if Madame Toad gave him detention.” Ron tore up the letter and threw it in the fire. Hyden was shaking his head.

“Bloody git. I dunno what he thinks he’s playing at.”

-

The next morning, Harry filled me in on what had happened last night after I went to bed. Sirius had apparently paid us a visit. “So Fudge reckons Dumbledore’s trying to turn us all into some kind of army, so he sent Umbridge to dumb us down and prevent us from learning Defense?”

“Yeup, that’s pretty much it,” Harry said, tearing apart bacon with his teeth.

“NO!” cried Hermione, throwing down her copy of the Daily Prophet.

“What’s wrong, ‘Ermione?” Launa asked.

Hermione read out loud, “Ministry seeks educational reform; Dolores Umbridge appointed first-ever ‘High Inquisitor’.”

“I take it that’s not good,” I said, raising my eyebrows. “Read on.”

“The Ministry of Magic passed a surprise law last night. In order to ensure the Hogwarts reform goes smoothly and to ease parents worries, the Ministry has created the new position of ‘Hogwarts High Inquisitor,’ which was offered to Professor Dolores Umbridge. She excepted delightfully last night.

“‘The High Inquisitor will have the power to inspect her fellow teachers and make sure they are coming up to scratch,’ says Percy Weasley, personal assistant to the Minister. ‘This is to ensure that some of Dumbledore’s more eccentric decisions in staffing are kept in check.’” Disgusted, I left with Fred, George and Lee for Double Charms.

This just kept getting worse and worse.