As the Sister of Harry Potter

After DA had been dismissed, Sarlanda and I snuck off to the Astronomy Tower. Sarlanda broke the curse preventing us from entering, and we climbed the staircase. Once we were at the top, Sarlanda nodded and we pointed our wands in different directions. “Accio toilet seats!” we yelled, and every toilet seat in Hogwarts came zooming at us. We levitated them up onto the roof in sets of four.

“Who knew Hogwarts had so many toilet seats?” I commented as the last ones were perched on the roof. Sarlanda snorted and cast the Disillusionment Charm to hide them all.

“Now quick, before Filch catches us,” she said, and we sprinted to our dorms.

-

“Hem, hem.”

Umbridge stood during breakfast the next morning. “Since I know you’re in here, I would like to address the Marauders.” The hall went silent. “Now, your silly pranks have all been in good fun, but I must now ask you to stop. If you don’t, the consequences will be… severe.” She paused to grin evilly at all of us. “And I must ask you to return all the toilet seats to their proper places.” She sat down, and the noise started up again. Most of it was laughter.

‘Mission going A-OK,’ I thought, spreading peanut butter on my toast.

-

DA meetings two through four passed wonderfully. Harry and I taught everyone not only Expelliarmus, but Rictusempra (the Tickling Charm), Locomotor Mortis (the Leg-Locker Curse), and Tarantallegra (that one that makes your legs go out of control). We’d be starting Impedimenta next meeting.

Quidditch practice went okay once McGonagall forced Umbridge to let us reform. I taught everyone the Sloth Grip Roll, a very useful move for dodging Bludgers. But as our match with Slytherin approached, Ron’s confidence began to falter, and I began to seriously doubt my judgment. I prayed that we would win, because there was just no way I was going to lose to Lance.

Finally, it was the morning of the match. It was Ron and Launa’s first matches, so they were nervous, and Katie hadn’t played a real match in so long that she was too. Luna Lovegood cheered us up though, by wearing a huge hat in the shape of a lion’s head that actually roared. I grinned at her. “Awesome hat Luna.”

“Thank you Jennifer,” she said happily.

The intercom switched on. “Good morning everyone! This is Miss Kumquat and Mr. Palm Tree! Everyone ready for a totally kick arse game of Quidditch?” Ophilia asked, and the hall burst into cheers.

“We’d like to wish Captain Jennifer Potter of Gryffindor good luck, seeing as this is her first match as Captain!” said Lee, and the Gryffindor supporters cheered. “Now, Miss Kumquat and I would like to share a cheer with you!”

Together, Lee and Ophilia scream-chanted, “DRACO MALFOY! TAKE IT UP THE ARSE! DRACO MALFOY! TAKE IT UP THE ARSE!” After that, they were drowned out by hysterical laughter and angry insults.

I managed to catch Ophilia’s sign-off. “Miss Kumquat says that Gryffindor will totally beat Slytherin!”

In the locker rooms, we were changed and ready for me to give a pep talk. “Alright, I’m not going to ramble like Oliver, so… Ron, forget about the crowd. I want you on your best form. Katie, Launa, remember the Hawkshead. Sarlanda is a good Keeper, so be prepared. Also, Lance plays dirty. Fred, George… get ’em bloody. And Harry, an early win wouldn’t hurt either.” Everyone nodded, so we picked up our brooms and walked out onto the Pitch.

“And here are the Gryffindors, lead by the famous, dangerous, beautifully sexy—”

“JORDAN!”

“Sorry Professor… anyways, dang Jen! You look short next to Malfoy!” Lee called out, and indeed I did. Lance was at least past six foot now, and towered over me. He used to only be an inch or so taller than me. When the hell had he grown so much?

“Captains shake hands,” said Madame Hooch. We did, and he smiled at me. In an enchanting, demonic, twisted, evil sort of way. I bared my teeth. Once we were mounted. Hooch released the Bludgers and Snitch. And then… the Quaffle.

Lance snatched the ball from my finger tips and took off. I wheeled around sharply and chased after him. Launa was right on his tail, but he had the better broom. Before I knew it, he was in the scoring zone and the Quaffle was going right past Ron’s arm and into the middle hoop. The scarlet mass groaned.

“And so the first goal goes to Slytherin,” said Lee gloomily. Flustered, Ron threw me the Quaffle and I sprinted down the Pitch. I dodged a Bludger and Fred as he chased after it to aim it at Crabbe. I was totally surprised they had found brooms that would hold him and Goyle.

There was a shadow above me. Glancing up, I saw that Lance was literally flying on top of me. If I could distract him and get the Quaffle to Katie on my left, we might get a score. I don’t know exactly how I did it, but I did a swift roll and as I came back up, I swung my feet up and kicked Lance while throwing the Quaffle over his head to Katie.

“Yes! Katie Bell scores! So that’s—hey! FOUL!”

My foot had unfortunately caught on Lance’s broom and he grabbed it and threw me backwards and up with inhuman force. Madame Hooch’s whistle sounded for foul a as George caught me. When I was seated on my broom again, I took the penalty. I scored, although I’m almost sure Sarlanda let me. “So, that’s twenty to ten, Gryffindor leading…”

But from there, the game only went downhill. Lance’s reflexes seemed superhuman, and Slytherin got eight goals in while we only got three. The Slytherins were singing something, and I caught a snatch of it as I flew by.

“Weasley is our king,
Weasley is our king,
He always lets the Quaffle in,
Weasley is our king.”

“And that’s Lupin with the Quaffle!” yelled Lee over the Slytherins song. Launa scored, and as I spun around, I saw Harry go into a spectacular dive. Draco sped after him, but Harry was faster. He caught the Snitch just as a Bludger from Goyle hit him in the back. “YES! HARRY POTTER HAS CAUGHT THE SNITCH!” screamed Lee. I flew to the ground to see if he was alright.

“Nice one Harry,” I said, grinning as I landed. “You okay?

“Yeah, who hit me?” he asked grimly.

“Goyle. He hit it as soon as you caught it… but we won!” I whooped, hugging my little brother. Draco landed by us, looking furious but sneering.

“Saved Weasley’s neck, didn’t you Potter? Did you like my lyrics?” But we turned to meet the rest of the team except Ron, who was making for the locker rooms.

“I wanted to write more verses, but ugly and fat don’t rhyme easy,” Draco went on as Katie and Launa hugged us. “We wanted to write about his mother. But then, useless loser wouldn’t fit either, so his father was out.” Fred and George realized what was being said and we grabbed them. “But you like them, don’t you? I don’t get how you stand the stench. But compared to a Muggle place, I guess it’s better.” Harry and I held back George while Katie and Launa strained to keep Fred under control. “Or maybe you remember what your house stank like Potter, and the Weasley’s reminds you of it—” Harry let go of George, George wrenched himself out of my grip, and in seconds, they had tackled Malfoy to the ground.

“Harry! George! NO!” I screamed, but by the time I found my wand, Madame Hooch had already broken it up.

“Both of you! To your Head of House! NOW!”

Harry and George marched off the field. Trembling, I lead the rest of the team to the locker rooms.

As I attempted to drown myself in the shower, I kept running the whole thing over in my head. McGonagall would be so pissed… and Snape was sure to be involved. Things didn’t look so good for them. But what if, dare I even think it… Umbridge nosed her way in? I shuddered as if the hot water running down my back was ice cold. That was a thought I definitely didn’t want to think about.

-

It was fairly late when I entered Gryffindor Tower. Half the house seemed to be packed into the commonroom, waiting for me. The Quidditch Team was standing in front.

I took a shuddering breath. “Well?”

“Umbridge banned us and Fred. For life,” said Harry. I felt paralyzed. It was all I could do to throw myself into an empty armchair and put my head between my knees.

“Banned for life,” I finally sobbed. “No Seeker. No Beaters. What are we going to do?” ‘This can NOT be happening…’

“Zat foul woman,” growled Launa, stamping her foot. “She didn’t ban Goyle for ‘itting zat Bludger. All ‘e got was lines.”

“And banning Fred when he didn’t even do anything!” cried Katie.

“I would have beat that little slimeball if you two hadn’t held me back,” growled Fred darkly.

The portrait hole opened and in stumbled Ron. He stood in front of me and said, “Jen, I’m resigning. I’m sorry I thought I could play.”

“No,” I grunted.

“Why not?”

“Because if you do, the team’ll be me, Katie and Launa.”

“WHA?” Hermione filled him in, and soon Ron and Harry were arguing. “—if I wasn’t so lousy at Quidditch—”

“—that’s got nothing to do with it—”

“Stop it!” I was on my feet and yelling too. “Ron, it’s not your fault! It’s Malfoy’s and that… that… I HATE THAT TOAD!” I screamed, alarming several people. “And Ron, if you ever think about resigning again so help me I will put the Imperius Curse on you!” Hot, angry tears flowing down my face, I stood by the window, hoping no one would see.

-

Soon, it was only Harry, Ron, Hermione and I in the commonroom. As I stared blankly out the window, a light flickered on in Hagrid’s hut. That could only mean one thing. Pointing my wand at the girl’s staircase, I thought, ‘Accio Marauder’s Map!’ The Map flew down from my dorm and into my hands. I walked up and handed it to Harry. “You’ll need this.”

“Why?” he asked, confused.

“Because Hagrid’s back.” With that, I walked up the stairs to my dorm and spent the rest of the night devising pranks.