Please Understand It Has To Be This Way (Barsexual)

Lexi's hand gripped tightly onto Gerard's as she stared into hazel orbs of gorgeous honesty. She held her breath as she anticipated something negative. Gerard's mouth opened, his forever coffee-stained breath flowing out of it as he formed a confession,

"I am...well," Gerard stuttered, "Lex, I'm actually a pretty heavy drinker."

He wasn't that ashamed of his drinking, but he wasn't proud of it either. Gerard felt good, sharing secrets with Lexi, but she didn't know that his drinking wasn't the worst of them...

"Oh." She mused, somewhat uncomfortably. Weed is one thing but alcoholism is a whole different story. "Are you...an alcoholic, Gerard?"

He gulped, self-conciously, and loosened his grip on Lexi's hand, as he began to feel very ashamed now. The word "alcoholic" was so negative. But he knew that's what he was. He wouldn't lie to her about this. "Yes, Lex. Yes, I think I might be."

Gerard's eyes were sad and droopy, dragging sorrow with them as he looked away from the girl, unable to look her in the eye anymore. Lexi pulled back his gorgeous face with a soft hand, forcing his eyes on her's. Gerard could read her then, and she said that it was okay. She leaned closer to him, as he anticipated a kiss, closed her eyes, stood on the tip of her toes and pressed her delicate, pink lips to the side of his chin.

"Do you think this can stop me from finding you irresistable?" Lexi whispered into his ear.

"I don't...think you find me irresitable, Lex." Gerard's low self esteem shined brightly at this moment, forcing Lexi to show him her true feelings.

Again, her hands traced his beautiful face, placing one on either side of it and bringing him closer and closer to her. "Please kiss me."

Gerard exhaled, unknowingly allowing his teeth to chatter. Lexi smiled as she closed her eyes and breathed with him. Gerard's hands gripped Lex's waist as he brought their lips together and made them one.

It was exhiliration.

Gerard kissed her over and over, passionately running his hands up and down her body, until he finally had her sitting on the bed. He wasn't planning to fuck her, but he was being aggressive because of his new found acceptance. Never, in the past, was he accepted by girls. Not in the fifth grade, not highschool, not even in college. But now, here she was, this gorgeous girl, kissing his lips so sweetly and lovingly. Here, he knew she was something special. So he savoured the minutes he spent being able to touch a woman without it hurting.

Gerard felt really good, and Lexi was satisfied with his sweet and tender lips that still couldn't seem to leave her skin, even after they left her bedroom.

His lips, collided with her bare shoulder that was not covered by a t-shirt today--she wore a black and white striped tank top that hugged her thick curves sweetly--as he lead her out into the hallway of her home. Happily, Gerard sighed. His pale arms wrapped around her body from behind, comfortingly. But his next sentence made her uneasy.

"Lex, I want to do it with you." His breath sent goosebumps down her
neck.

"Do w-what Gerard?" She stuttered, turning around to face him.

"I want you to take my pot virginity."

"Really?" She asked, totally into the idea.

"Yes. Can we do it now?"

"Only if you really want to..."

Soon enough the two were in the living room, done smoking all of the rest of her pot and completely high.

Lexi munched away hungrily at an ice cream sandwich as Gerard stared at her in awe. "Gerard are you hungry?" She offered her snack to him, thrusting her hand out to him. He grabbed the snack, and bit into it, leaving ice cream on his chin when he handed it back to her. Lexi laughed hysterically at the mess on his face and crawled over to him
on the couch, just sitting there in front of him and staring at his face. "You're so beautiful." She whispered.

"Lexi?" Gerard began.

"Yeah?" She responded, wiping ice cream off of his chin with her thumb.

"Will it feel better if I kiss you?" He sounded like a little kid, so naive when it came to this activity.

Lexi wasn't sure because she had never kissed anyone while high. So she inhaled sharply before crashing her lips to his, making him moan in delight. The two stayed on that couch together for a while after that, kissing and giggling as they held eachother tight.

Eventually, the drug wore off.

And Gerard went home. He had to. Now was not the time to stay over at a girl's place. Not when they weren't even going steady yet. But Gerard could feel that that was what he wanted.

He shut the front door of his apartment after getting in at around 7:00 PM. Mikey was not back from work yet. Three more hours. Gerard decided to shower.

He turned on the hot water and it came pouring down. Then he undressed and stepped in. His mind filled with thoughts of getting high with the girl he had been crushing on. It was wonderful and weird. Gerard let his hair get soaked in the warm water and stick to his wet face. He thought about how fast he took that drug from her and how he had consumed it without thinking twice. Would he get like this around other drugs? Well was that even a question to ask? Gerard didn't do drugs and Lexi only smoked pot. Pot and that's it.

She would have told him about any other drugs she did.

He thought maybe smoking the pot was out of hand. He was worried about Mikey finding out. But he wasn't going to. Atleast not yet. But most likely...not at all.

Gerard had not had a drink all day because he spent so much time at Lexi's house. He felt like it was time for liquor. Tonight was special. After having a great day and an even better shower, Gerard wanted wine.

Gerard sat at the dining room table with a glass and wine bottle set up in front of him. He drank a lot of it. It was not until Mikey came home that realised how much he was drinking and how tired he was. Too tired. Gerard felt a bit loopy.

"Gerard..." whispered Mikey as he walked into the small dining room. "Hey, are you okay?"

"Ask me what I did today." Gerard's tired eyes burned into Mikey's, making Mikey feel exhausted, suddenly. He took a seat next to his brother.

"What'd you do today, Gerard?"

Before Gerard could tell Mikey what he did today the phone rang. Mikey stood up to go answer it. It was Patrick who just wanted to talk. Mikey denied being on the phone for too long because he was having an important conversation with his brother (which made Gerard smile) and said if there wasn't something important going on he should call back later.

After hanging up, Mikey noticed that there were four new messages on the answering machine. He listened to the first one which was from their mother, reminding them to call their aunt tomorrow because it was her birthday and she was going to be fifty-one. Then the second one came one.

The second message was for Gerard. It was from his new job.

"Hello, uh, this is Jerry Peterson calling for Gerard from Comic Town. I'm calling to inform you about the job we've got ready for you to start on Monday. Come in at nine and we'll get you started. Thanks."

The smile on Mikey's face was so big. I have nothing to compare his smile to. It was ridiculously big so you can tell that Mikey was ridiculously proud of Gerard landing his first job.

"Were you here when we got this call?" Mikey asked, excitedly.

"I wasn't." Gerard had been standing since he heard the message was for him.

"Oh. Well that doesn't matter! You got the job!" Mikey exclaimed and hugged his brother, tightly. "Congrats!"

"Thanks." Gerard smiled, softly. He felt incredibly good.

"Why werent't you here? Where'd you go today? Oh, that's right, you were just about to tell me."

"Oh. Yeah. Uhm. Today I hung out with Lexi." Remember when Mikey first got home and Gerard realised how drunk he was getting? For some reason, at that time he wanted to tell Mikey about the experience he had with marijuana. But now, after recieving that message, it seems, Gerard regained his sanity and said, "We kissed."