Hardly Worth Your Time

Emily was feeling overwhelmed; every time she thought about Alex cheating on her if they were together, she would feel the need to take out the pent up energy.

Which is what led to her and Eric making out in his car in the middle of a deserted parking lot after dark.

“Ow, ow,” Emily mumbled as she jabbed her stomach into the center console for the fourth time.

Eric took no hesitation but moved his seat back slightly and pulled her over, not breaking the kiss. His hands gripped to her hips as she let hers rest on his chest.

His lips found their way along her jaw line to her neck and began to suck softly on her collarbone while his hands trailed down her thighs and back up. As his hands began to maneuver under the fabric of her jean shorts, Emily moved his hands and he returned to kissing her lips.

His hands eventually slid down once again, this time succeeding in unbuttoning the shorts. He lifted her shirt and she allowed him to pull it off over her head.

Emily froze as his hands crawled towards her underwear and his mouth latched onto her chest.

“Wait, stop,” she breathed heavily, looking wide eye at him.

He looked up and tilted his head to the side, giving her a questioning glance.

“I-I can’t do this,” she whispered biting her lip. She swiftly grabbed her shirt and scrambled over to the passenger seat mumbling a few many sorry’s.

She heard Eric sigh deeply and mumble a “be right back” before getting out of the car. She slid her shirt on and lifted her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms around them.

Alex.
Alex.

That’s all she could think about.

She felt dirty doing what she was with Eric because of Alex.

“Damn him,” she muttered closing her eyes and resting her head on her chin. She took deep breaths and kept her eyes closed as Eric got back in the car.

“Emily?” his voice said barely above a whisper.

Emily kept her eyes closed and took one last breath before glancing at him then bowing her head. “I’m so sorry, I just—“

Eric sighed but replied quietly, “Uhm, yeah, so uh, home?”

Emily nodded her head before turning away to face the passenger window. The drive back was silent. Emily sat staring out at the window biting her lip and feeling an array of emotions towards Alex.

Once Eric pulled into her driveway, he cleared his throat and Emily looked over at him.

“I’ll see you soon?” he asked unsure.

Emily felt embarrassed and guilty. “Uhm, yeah,” she said quietly. “Goodnight,” she whispered taking his hand and squeezing it before retreating from the car.

She crossed her arms over her chest and walked slowly towards the door, kicking lightly at the ground on her way. At the door, she paused and took a deep breath before walking in quietly.

Alex and Jack were sitting cross legged in front of the TV staring at the screen. Their mouths were open as they fought against each other in some video game.

She took her shoes off at the door and quietly padded over to the staircase. She successfully made her way up the stairs before feeling a turning in her stomach. She raced to the bathroom and slammed the door shut before falling in front of the toilet.

Not a minute later her hair was being held up and a hand was rubbing her back soothingly as she emptied the contents of her stomach.

A few minutes later she leaned herself back against the wall and took deep breaths as tears rolled down her cheeks.

“Em, what happened?” Alex asked worriedly, scooting in front of her and taking her hands.

She pulled them away and wrapped them securely around her knees which were against her chest once again.

“Emily did Eric do something to you?” Jack asked from her left as he squatted down.

She shook her head and trailed her eyes up to Alex before staring at him straight in the eye. “No.”

Alex stared straight back at her as she tried to convey some kind of feeling towards him.

“Em,” Alex whispered. “What did I do?”

Emily could see out of the corner of her eye as Jack looked between the two confused.

“Jack get her a glass of water,” Alex said not taking his eyes off of the girl in front of him. Jack obeyed and Alex tore off a couple pieces of toilet paper, handing them to her.

She hesitantly took them before wiping her mouth with one and her cheeks with the other. Jack handed her the glass of water and she slowly drank from it before spitting it back out in the toilet. She did this a couple more times, before crawling up from the tile floor and brushing her teeth. Once she finished she walked out of the bathroom not even glancing at the two boys.

She walked into her room and lied down on her bed, curled up in a ball as the two guys watched from the doorway.

Alex slowly walked forward, lying next to her and brushing her hair out of her face as she stared down at the pillow. The door closed from across the room as Jack left the two alone.

“Em, I need you to talk to me,” Alex whispered, cupping her cheek and titling her face to look up at him.

Emily melted at the touch of his hand but felt anger bubble slightly through her veins and sadness wash over her making a frown grace her face.

“Em,” he mumbled pressing his forehead against hers, “Please talk to me,” he pleaded his breath hitting her face.

“I don’t know,” she mumbled staring at him in the eyes.

Alex just stared back at her patiently while he stroked her cheek gently. Every stroke caused her eyes to flutter slightly.

***

“I-I—“ She paused taking a deep breath before opening her eyes fully to him and staring him straight in the eye. She furrowed her eyebrows and watched as his eyes searched hers.

“No Alex,” she said sharply.

Alex looked her startled and his head moved back. “What?”

“You know what I realized?” she asked pushing herself away from him and standing from the bed.

Alex stayed silent, sitting up and staring as she paced the room.

“Eric and I were making out and it got heated really fast,” Alex made a noise of disgust and Emily stopped and looked at him, “BUT I stopped it, because I was thinking about you. God dammit you have ruined every kiss for the past year!” she said raising her voice. “And I thought,” at this point she let out a bitter laugh, “I thought I was in love with you. I mean I couldn’t get you out of my head, you were my best friend, it just seemed like that was what was supposed to happen.”

Alex made to stand and Emily stopped pacing and looked at him again.

“But I don’t,” Alex made to interrupt but Emily continued, “Not anymore than a friend. Seriously Alex, what has our lives been for the past year? We stopped really being friends and had sex. Then we stopped and you said you loved me and what is that? We don’t LOVE each other, we have never shown lovable feelings of that kind to each other.

“No, we were in lust with each other,” she stated simply. “It was always about sex the past year. And before that, it was a crush for me. I know you never saw me as anything more until prom night. I never saw love in your eyes after that, just want.”

Alex stood up almost glaring but saying nothing to defend himself. Emily looked at him in the eyes and say him furrow his eyebrows.

“It’s fine,” she decided, sounding as if she were confirming it to herself more than to him. “I am okay with it.”

“And I never loved you. Not really, I thought I did, but it was me simply being selfish and finally having attention from someone I liked,” she laughed a light laugh causing Alex to look at her like she was crazy.

“Don’t you see Alex? We could never be anything more than best friends,” she told him.

Alex shook his head. “But.”

Emily waited patiently as he ruffled his hair.

“No I don’t think you’re right.”

Emily groaned. “Alex I know you are stubborn as fuck but seriously think about it.”

Alex sighed in frustration and ruffled his hair again and rubbed the back of his neck. He was muttering to himself and finally he said, “But,” and he stopped himself.

Emily walked slowly over to the bed and sat down gesturing for him to sit with her. He shook his head and started pacing not paying any attention to her.

Emily watched him and sighed quietly. She started drawing patterns on the bed sheet and before she knew it, Alex was sitting on the bed next to her and had pulled her into a kiss. She complied only for a few seconds, knowing what he was doing, and then they broke from it.

Emily sat back and Alex ruffled his hair once more and slid his hand down his face and looked up at her. “You’re right,” he said simply, “It’s all physical.”

Emily nodded her head and chuckled, “This is kind of weird, I almost feel free.”

Alex smiled and nodded. “Yeah. I can’t believe I thought I was in love. It was different from other girls, but maybe that was just because I actually care about you…” he trailed off muttering to himself.

Emily laughed and nodded her head, “Yeah maybe.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes before Jack entered and said, “So what now?”

Emily and Alex stared at him curiously before he let out an exasperated sigh, “Are you guys just going to go back to everything being normal and being friends or are you going to be nymphos now?”

Emily rolled her eyes and Alex laughed. Of course he had been listening.

“Jack Barakat how come you let us believe we were in love?” Emily asked accusingly.

Jack shrugged his shoulders. “Why did you listen to me? I don’t know anything about love.”

Emily laughed and Alex shook his head. “We are idiots,” he said.

“Obviously,” Emily replied.

“So…” Alex said letting out a relieved sigh. “What are we doing now?”

“Not each other,” Emily said laughing and standing up. “I wonder if I can kiss someone and not think of you now?” she said more to herself than to him.

Alex laughed and said, “Then kiss Jack.”

Emily and Jack both laughed and scrunched their noses.
“He’s like…my brother,” Emily replied.

“Dude I don’t want your STD’s,” Jack said receiving a light slap from Emily and a pillow thrown at him from Alex.

“Okay whatever, let’s just go watch movies,” Alex said standing up and the two followed.

Once they got downstairs Emily jumped on Alex’s back and he gave her a piggy back ride into the living room. “This is easy,” Emily said quietly, “You and me, I mean.”

Alex nodded his head. “But you know, if you ever just want to have sex…” he said laughing.

Emily laughed too and shook her head shoving his face away. “Just put me down.”