A Little Bit Longer

As Mia stepped out of the car, she prepared herself for what was going to be the hardest thing to watch. She felt Joe put his arm around her, leading her to where the burial was going to take place. She saw the oak coffin through the window of the the car, the coffin which held him. They waited in agony as it was lifted out the back, and four men in black suits carried it towards the grave. Mia tried desperately to hold in her emotion, not wanting to trigger anything in anyone else. She buried her head into Joe's chest.

"It's going to be okay," he reassured her, even though he himself wasn't convinced by his words. His voice sounded hoarse, as though he too was holding back. The priest opened his book, clearing his throat.

"We are gathered here to say farewell to Nicholas Jerry Jonas, and to commit him into the hands of God. In the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Lord our God, you are the source of life. In you we live and move and have our being. keep us in life and death in your love, and, by you grace, lead us to your kingdom, Through your Son, Jesus Christ, our Lord."

"Amen," spoke Nick's family and friends.

"God, our Father, we entrust Nicholas into your hands," the priest stopped, to pick up three hand fulls of earth and threw it onto the coffin, "from dust you came, to dust you shall return. Jesus Christ, our Saviour, shall raise you up on the last day..." The priest continued, but Mia's head was elsewhere. In her head, she was with Nick. He'd opened his eyes and told her it was all a dream, and he was okay. He was fine. Mia imagined this so hard she was startled when she felt Joe pull her close to him for comfort. Mia began to focus on the reading again, as the prayer began.

"Our Father in heaven, we thank you that, through Jesus Christ, you have given us the gift of eternal life. Keep us firm in the faith, that nothing can separate us from your love. When we loose someone who is dear to us, help us to receive your comfort and to share it with one another. We thank you for what you have given us through Nicholas. We now entrust ourselves to you, just as we are, with our sense of loss and of guilt, When the time has come, let us depart in peace, and see you face to face, for you are the God of our salvation."

"Amen," the attendants of the funeral spoke. Mia saw in the corner of her eye Denise with her eyes closed, resting her head into Paul. The priest spoke some more, and more prayers were said. Mia joined in, hardly understanding what was being said. Nick's eyes were the only thing she could see, his curls the only thing she wanted to touch. She felt a sudden urge to jump into the grave as it were being lowered and lift the lid open, in a hope to find Nicholas awake.

As the service drew to an end, Kevin approached her and hugged her, and then Denise and Paul. Frankie held his mother's hand, tears stained on his face.

"He loved you, so, so much." Denise told her, kissing her on the head. Frankie gave a cuddle too, knowing that she was the one that his brother adored more than anyone. They walked away back to the car, and, soon enough, Mia found she was the only one left, as she had been oblivious to everyone leaving. She had remembered her parents telling her they would be at the after party, "celebrating Nick's life."
She sat at the bottom of the grave, staring down at the heap of dirt and soil. Underneath that lay Nicholas. Underneath that lay the one who had his life taken to save Mia's. She skimmed her hand against the soil, swaying it this way and that. She remembered all the happy times; the times they'd held hands, kissed, smiled, laughed so hard that they ended up with tummy aches.

Sighing, Mia flicked back a strand of hair that was in her eyes, and shut her eyes tightly. After opening them, she began to speak as if Nick was there in front of her, listening intently.

"It's going to be hard, this, isn't it? You know, saying... 'Goodbye'. When I first met you, it was amazing. I'd had enough of feeling alone, isolated. But then you came along, and my whole view on life changed. You made me see so much more. I couldn't get enough of you, I just loved being in your company. It just made me feel complete, being with you. I know that... I know that without you, it's going to be difficult to cope. Like, without you by my side, to face the world with me. I never knew how much you meant to me until you were taken away. I hated it when you went on tour, and I had to stay. Every day was agony. I mean, I thought that was hard, so I don't even know what this is going to be like.
"I don't want you to leave me. I want you to stay with me. But I understand, now. I know that you're going to... What is they say? A better place? Anyway, at least I can... Try to move on. You'll never, ever leave me, not really. You'll always be with me, in here." Mia put her hand against her heart, her eyes blurring up.

"I know I've said this many times, but... I love you." Mia stood, waving at the grave as she walked away, into the arms of Joe. She hadn't realized he'd waited for her, but appreciated it the same.

*

After Big Rob had come to pick the two up, he'd driven them to the after party. There were drinks and food and lights, but Nick's closer family hadn't touched anything. Mia's eyes fell on Frankie as soon as she'd entered the restaurant they'd hired out. He'd fallen asleep in his mother's arms, his hair stuck to his wet face.
Mia looked around her, at Frankie, Joe, Kevin, Denise and Paul. These people were important. These people are what she had of Nick, and the only people in the world who loved him as much as she did.
Yes, her parents would always be there for her when she needed them, and she knew that the Jonas's were also her family.
She hadn't lost Nicholas. He was living inside of her and also in the hearts of these people. Taking a deep breath, Mia made her way towards the microphone that she was being handed. She'd been asked to make a speech. She looked at the floor for a moment, closing her eyes and tensing up. All eyes were on her and she had to talk in front of people she didn't even know about Nicholas. She looked at her mother, who smiled at her and nodded.

"Um..." She began, not sure if she could do it.

"Nicholas. I mean, when I was with him, I... Ah. Look, there's nothing for me to say. Everything has been said. I mean, I loved him, I still do love him, so much. Without him, I would probably have lost it a long time ago. He taught me to hold on. He taught me to love. And, I just want to say thank you to him. Where ever he is now, I hope he can see us. See us gathered here in memory for him. I..." She stopped, feeling herself breaking down again. She put the microphone down onto the table for a moment. Mia. Pick that microphone back up, she told herself.

"I think we all know he's made a difference to our lives. And now I know that because of what he's taught me, I'm going to be fine. I'll be fine. Just give it a little bit longer, and I'll be fine."