Status: Completed
It's My Pain Too
Sometimes It Gets Too Hard
Frank's POV
It's Friday. Day 5 of the rest of my life. Gerard has come to see me as much as he possibly could. I spent the time playing video games with Michael, gossiping with Nancy and watching my mom putting a brave face on. Occasionally if my daily bloodwork had come back and the blood count had slipped, mom would cry for the rest of the day. I have chemo on Monday, Wednesday and Friday's, which means that my meds have been reduced and I spend my nights unable to sleep due to the pain.
It's Friday. It means chemo is about to start in a few hours. I am in pain and I just want this all to be over. In this past week I have dropped 5 kilograms. I look pale, thin, anorexially thin. But Gerard is still by my side, everyday at 10 am. Generally I am half way through my treatment when he arrives and he takes mom's place beside me, holding my hand.
*****8 am******
My treatment has just started. The initial pain has faded a smidgen. Today is actually a good day. I am talking, quietly talking, but talking nonetheless.
"Mom?" I question after a moments silence.
"Yes baby?" She answers, immediately taking my hand in hers.
"Can...can you take this pain away. Can you make it better?" I ask. The question is innocent but the answer is guilty. I know she can't make it go away, but I need for her to understand that I want the suffering to end already.
"I wish I could baby, I wish I could." She answers simply.
"It hurts so bad." I say, tears coming to my eyes.
"Oh honey. Oh baby, I'm so sorry." She whispers.
Suddenly there is a knock at the doorframe. I look at him but don't smile.
"Hey Frankie." Gerard whispers, walking over to me and giving me a small kiss on the forehead.
"Gerard, can I talk to you please?" mom asks. I know what she is going to tell him.
"Mom, please, let me tell." I say as she goes to stand up.
"Ok. You tell him dear, I'm going to the cafe. I'll be back soon." She states and leaves. Gerard takes her seat.
"Gee. It hurts I want to give up the fight. Make it go away?" I ask. Suddenly he cries.
There is no answer from him for a while as he sobs. He's looking at me as his tears fall. A few more moments later he composes him self a little. Enough to talk.
"Frankie, this is tearing me up inside. I-I can't imagine how you must feel. But I made a promise to you. I promised that I would stand by you until the end and we will fight. Fight until the end. Do you hear me? Don't you dare give up." He states.
I know he means for it to come out strong but it has faltered slightly. I just look at him and suddenly my face is damp and I am crying. I want to give up the fight but as I look out the window at the summer sun I have this new fight in me. I will fight until the very end.
It's Friday. Day 5 of the rest of my life. Gerard has come to see me as much as he possibly could. I spent the time playing video games with Michael, gossiping with Nancy and watching my mom putting a brave face on. Occasionally if my daily bloodwork had come back and the blood count had slipped, mom would cry for the rest of the day. I have chemo on Monday, Wednesday and Friday's, which means that my meds have been reduced and I spend my nights unable to sleep due to the pain.
It's Friday. It means chemo is about to start in a few hours. I am in pain and I just want this all to be over. In this past week I have dropped 5 kilograms. I look pale, thin, anorexially thin. But Gerard is still by my side, everyday at 10 am. Generally I am half way through my treatment when he arrives and he takes mom's place beside me, holding my hand.
*****8 am******
My treatment has just started. The initial pain has faded a smidgen. Today is actually a good day. I am talking, quietly talking, but talking nonetheless.
"Mom?" I question after a moments silence.
"Yes baby?" She answers, immediately taking my hand in hers.
"Can...can you take this pain away. Can you make it better?" I ask. The question is innocent but the answer is guilty. I know she can't make it go away, but I need for her to understand that I want the suffering to end already.
"I wish I could baby, I wish I could." She answers simply.
"It hurts so bad." I say, tears coming to my eyes.
"Oh honey. Oh baby, I'm so sorry." She whispers.
Suddenly there is a knock at the doorframe. I look at him but don't smile.
"Hey Frankie." Gerard whispers, walking over to me and giving me a small kiss on the forehead.
"Gerard, can I talk to you please?" mom asks. I know what she is going to tell him.
"Mom, please, let me tell." I say as she goes to stand up.
"Ok. You tell him dear, I'm going to the cafe. I'll be back soon." She states and leaves. Gerard takes her seat.
"Gee. It hurts I want to give up the fight. Make it go away?" I ask. Suddenly he cries.
There is no answer from him for a while as he sobs. He's looking at me as his tears fall. A few more moments later he composes him self a little. Enough to talk.
"Frankie, this is tearing me up inside. I-I can't imagine how you must feel. But I made a promise to you. I promised that I would stand by you until the end and we will fight. Fight until the end. Do you hear me? Don't you dare give up." He states.
I know he means for it to come out strong but it has faltered slightly. I just look at him and suddenly my face is damp and I am crying. I want to give up the fight but as I look out the window at the summer sun I have this new fight in me. I will fight until the very end.
♠ ♠ ♠
wow I cried. did you?