Run Away With Me

I went home late, and even though Frank hadn't made a miracle recovery, he hadn't even blinked or twitched, I knew what he'd tell me to do. I knew that he'd hug me tight and tell me it was okay. He didn't mean the nasty things he said, he hadn't meant to sound as nasty as Kalli, it had just happened. Just like my problems had just happened. They had happened, and bottling them up wouldn't help.

"Tessa?" I called when I got in. "Tessa?"

"Here, darling," she came through from the kitchen and looked at me. "How was Frank?"

"Same old, he's got no good conversations in him," I surprised myself with the joke, and Tessa was surprised too, but she still managed a small laugh. "Can I talk to you Tess?"

I felt eerily calm as I sat down with Tessa in the living room, side by side on the couch. She took my hand, as if sensing something big was about to happen and I needed her support. Which I did.

I cried, it wasn't easier telling it the second time, especially when Tessa started crying too, but in some way, it wasn't quite as hard. It didn't make much sense, but that was how it felt to me, and as I sobbed into Tessa's shoulder, with her own tears dripping on my hair, I felt a little bit more free. Like I was giving somebody a tiny bit of the secret I had held onto for a year, and I had more room inside me. Which was exactly what I was doing, really.

"Oh Rosie honey, I had no idea," Tessa murmured. "I'm so, so sorry."

"It's not your fault, Tess," I said, dragging my sleeve across the nose. Tess slapped my hand away, frowning in a scolding manner, and I laughed. "You're just like a Mother!" I joked.

"Astrid-Rose, I am your Mother," She said gently. "That other women may have given you birth, but I've raised you. I think of you as my daughter, Rosie."

I knew that was my cue to say I thought of Tessa as my Mom, and I did, in a way. The way you think your favorite grade school teacher is like a Mom. The way your favorite aunt is like a Mom. Not the way a Mom is, well, a Mom.

"I'm going to bed Tessa," I said, trying to ignore the hurt shining in her eyes after the too-long pause. "I'll maybe see you in the morning, but I'm leaving early to see Frank. Sleep well."

I slipped upstairs quietly, ignoring the guilt gnawing at the edge of my stomach.