Before It's Over

When I woke the next morning, I was well aware of the unfamiliar surroundings. It had been a while since I had slept on anything this close to a bed. My nose crinkled at the lingering smell of cigarette smoke and I sat up in the cramped bunk. It was pitch black, so dark that I couldn't see my hand if it was half an inch from my nose. I reached to pull the curtain of the bunk back and squinted in anticipation. However, the bunk area was dark as well. I searched my back pocket for my phone in vain.

Curious to see what time it was, I slid out of the bunk quietly, carefully avoiding hitting my head on Jonathan's leg protruding from his bunk above me. My feet touched the floor silently right across from where Kent's head was pushing his bunk curtains out a bit. I paused, making sure I hadn't woken anyone up, before tip toeing to the door of the bunk area and pushing it open.

The front lounge was illuminated only by a blue glow coming from the Macbook on the table in front of Caleb. His face was lit by the computer, so when he looked up at me, I could see the questioning in his eyes.

"Hey, Avery," he whispered as he watched me shut the door to the bunks.

I smiled and nodded in greeting before sliding into the seat across from him. Since Caleb was so tall, his head towered over the computer screen. As I got comfortable, he hunched his back and squinted at something on the screen,

"What are you doing up? It's four in the morning," Caleb said, looking up from the screen and back to me.

"I didn't know it was that early," I clarified. "I just woke up I guess. I was afraid we might be at the venue. My boys are probably worried sick."

"Nah, they're good," Caleb said as his clicked the mouse pad on his Macbook. "Kyle called them after you fell asleep."

I nodded and looked about the lounge in boredom. Caleb was sweet, but I got the feeling he wasn't much of a talker when it came to me.

"I'm sorry for stealing your bunk," I said, in an attempt to make any sort of conversation.

"I don't mind," he said, flashing a kind smile my way. "So how's Kyle's quest to date you coming along?"

"His quest to date me?"

I always knew in the back of my mind that what Kyle wanted from me was more than friendship. Hearing it out loud, though, had a strange effect on me. At first my heart sped up, excited, but my mind eventually caught up to my heart. It made me realize I shouldn't be excited about this.

"Do you really think he'd be working this hard for a friend?" Caleb asked me with a look.

"No," I said quietly. "No, I guess not."

It was silent for a moment as I thought about the hopefulness in Kyle's eyes last night and the crushed look they would hold when I told him that we just couldn't be together. I winced at the mental image I was giving myself.

"We don't like you disappointing him either."

Caleb's statement caught me off guard, but by the time I looked back at him, his head was bent toward the Macbook again.

"Do you know how I could make it easier for him?" I asked. "Is there anyway he could come out of this not heartbroken?"

Caleb let out a sigh. He leaned back in his seat and pushed his computer to the side so it no longer separated out gazes. He gave me a long stare before deciding on his words.

"You should know, first of all, that Kyle is not one to chase after a girl. He is, however, one to fall fast for a girl. As long as you're here, he'll chase you, because for some reason you're special to him. It's hard not to give into Kyle. I know because he's been my friend for years. You'll probably end up his friend eventually. So, no, I don't think there's a way for Kyle to come out of this not heartbroken. Like I said, you're special to him."

I let out a sigh, though I half expected Caleb's answer. His monologue had made me realize that I actually cared if I hurt Kyle. Now I had a choice to make. The saying of picking your own poison was recalled in my mind. However in this case, I was picking Kyle's poison, not mine. I could quit him cold turkey, tell him that I didn't want to be friends. He would be hurt. I could agree to a friendship, which would make Kyle, and regrettably, me, happy for a while. Then I would have to explain that we could be nothing more. He would be hurt. It seemed as if any way I went I was hurting Kyle in the process, which, after last night, was not something I wanted to do.

"Avery." Caleb's soft voice pulled me from my mind. "Whatever you decide to do, me and the guys won't hate you for it. We like you. We're not gonna abandon you for following your ideals."

"What do you know about my ideals?" I asked, surprised and a bit angry.

"I know you were avoiding Kyle for a reason. I don't know the reason, but I know there is one. And if that reason is keeping you from being close to Kyle, then I won't judge you for that. None of us will."

"Thanks, Caleb," I said, smiling at him genuinely.

"It's no problem, Avery."

Caleb smiled at me again before pulling his Macbook between us. His face was tinted blue by the screen and he began typing away again. Curious, I stood from my seat and came around the table so that I was standing behind Caleb. I'm a bit too nosey for my own good.

"What're you doing?" I asked, taking a closer look at the screen.

"I'm talking to my girlfriend," Caleb answered as he typed a response to his girlfriend in the chat box.

"Oh," I said and embarrassedly walked back to my seat across from Caleb as to give him some privacy. "Alex said that you're girlfriend's coming to visit soon."

"Yeah, tomorrow. We pick her and Austin's girlfriend up on the Dallas date," Caleb explained as he smiled at something on the screen.

"Oh, we have off all the Texas dates. That's a shame; I would've liked to meet her. What's her name?"

"Braen, and you can still meet her. She's staying until the St. Petersburg date."

I nodded and smiled as Caleb turned his attention back to the screen. The bus hit a pothole and I jostled in my seat. The shake jumpstarted my mind and I realized Caleb was too busy to talk to me. So, I stood from my seat and made my way back to the bunk areas. I slunk quietly back into Caleb's bunk, once again wrinkling my nose the smell of cigarettes.

I didn't go to sleep, which I knew I would regret later on in the day. I just listened to the sounds of Robi snoring from the bunk across from me, and the occasional bumps of Jonathan shifting above me. I stared at the ceiling of the bunk and contemplated the decision I had to make. I didn't know how much time passed, but I had heard Caleb walk through the bunks and head to the back lounge to go to sleep. I still hadn't made a choice.

"Psst. Avery, you awake?" Kyle's voice came from the other side of the bunk curtain.

I wasn't the least bit surprised. I was getting used to Kyle showing up right when I didn't want him to.

"Yeah, I'm awake," I whispered, still staring at the ceiling of the bunk.

I heard the sound of the curtain sliding back and felt Kyle's breath hit my cheek. I didn't turn to him, only waited for him to say what he wanted. He was silent, though, and I could feel his eyes burning holes in my cheek.

"What are doing awake, girlie?" Kyle asked in a tired voice.

Finally, I turned my head to look at Kyle. He was smiling – surprise, surprise – but his eyes were tired. I smiled back and his eyes lit up.

"What are you doing awake, Kyle?" I countered.

"I asked first," he said pulling his arms into the bunk and resting his elbow next to my torso. Kyle plopped his head into his hand and looked at me expectantly.

I rolled my eyes with a smile as I let out a soft laugh. "Just thinking about stuff. And don't think I'll tell you what it is,"

Kyle's mouth had opened to demand an explanation, but at my warning, it closed slowly. His smile didn't return, but a playfully disappointed expression held a place on his features.

"So now you can answer my question. What are you doing up?"

"I've been wishing on potholes," Kyle said as if the statement wasn't completely ridiculous.

I laughed quietly and turned my face to the ceiling again. It was silent again. Kyle's breath hit my cheek once again and I shuddered.

"This is the part when you ask what I was wishing for," Kyle whispered like a young child telling a secret.

"What were you wishing for, Kyle?" I asked, not looking from the ceiling of the bunk.

"That you're answer would be yes."