Before It's Over

An hour after hanging up with Kyle, the most I had done was make myself a bowl of stale cereal I found in the kitchen cupboard. I didn't cope well with boredom. Normally, I would turn on the TV, but living without television for a while made it easy for me to lose interest. Books were not my forte, as I could never make it through a chapter with more than two paragraphs with no dialogue. The only book I could ever read was J.M. Barrie's Peter Pan, and my copy was mysteriously missing from its spot under the corner of my mattress.

Finding no other form of entertainment lead me to call Ross, who was supposed to be at his parents' house for the first few days of our break. He didn't answer, so I left a strongly worded message on his answering machine.

I laid down on bed upside down so that my head hung off the bottom of my mattress. The blood rushed to my head, and I felt a little dizzy. What had been the phrase stirring my insides when I was on the phone with Kyle? The question swished around the top of my head until I had to sit up again. I really needed something to occupy myself. If I got bored, crazy shit would happen, and I didn't want to be responsible for a clean up.

I groaned, stood, and fished my car keys out my bedside table drawer.

;;

It took longer to reach Dallas then I had first indented. Though doors were at eleven, the traffic close to venue added another thirty minutes to my ride. I was lucky I remembered to bring my credentials back to the venue with me, or I would've had to pay to get in. Emerging from the back stage area into the crowd, I searched for the giant red wall that held set times. The crowd was thickest I'd seen yet and it was difficult for me to find the wall over the towering, colorful Mohawks scattered around. However, I eventually spotted the red monster and weaved my way to it.

I scanned the bands for the one I was looking for. I found the set under the Smartpunk stage. I checked the time on my phone. 4:39. I muttered a profanity under my breath and started sprinting in what I hoped was the general direction of the Smartpunk stage. The crowd thinned out as I moved father away from the main stages, but thickened again as I passed through merch avenue, as the boys and I had taken to calling the long rows of merch tents.

Out of breath and starting to sweat, I stopped in front of the Glamour Kills tent and hunched over, placing my hands on my knees. I took a few deep breaths and straightened myself up again.

"Avery Goodman?"

I turned around to find a pair of teens that looked to be about sixteen. One was a tall boy with brown hair that stuck to his face with sweat. The other was a blonde girl in red pants that were completely covered in sharpie signatures. She was quite petite compared to her six-foot-something companion.

"Hey guys. What can I do ya for?" I said, still a bit winded.

"Are you okay?" The boy asked, looking at me questioningly.

"Oh, yeah," I replied, flicking my hand in a dismissive manner. "But you wouldn't happen to know where the Smartpunk stage is, would you?"

"It's just a ways down and to the right. If you don't mind me asking, could we maybe get a picture?" the girl asked in a small yet confident voice.

"How 'bout you guys walk to me the stage and we'll take the picture there. I'm actually trying to make a set."

"Forever the Sickest Kids, right? We're going there too."

"Well come on then!"

Tom and Lindsay, as I learned my new friends' names to be, had no problem keeping up with my anxious pace. We chatted for the two minutes that it took to get to the stage – touching on my band, my relationship to the boys of FTSK, and a retelling of Jonathan's fall the first day we met. When we reached the stage, Tom and Lindsay got the picture they were promised and headed into the pit just as Kyle took his seat behind his drums.

The huge crowed erupted in screams and only got louder as the rest of the band came out. I hurried around to the back stage area and flashed my pass. Side stage was just as crowded as the pit. There must have been over twenty people on each side of the stage. Kent began the beginning notes of a song and the crowd erupted again. I spotted a small opening in the crowd on side stage and weaseled my way to the front.

Kyle was lost in his drums. I wondered if I looked like he did when I play drums. His face was concentrated but a smile graced his lips. His arms flailed and his head bounced with the music. His stick hit a tom and flipped in the air. Kyle caught it again with ease and went back into his playing, but not before glancing briefly at side stage.

Kyle missed a beat to look again. I laughed and he stared wide-eyed and smiling at me. I waved and his smile grew before he turned his full attention back to his drums. The few people beside me that witness the exchange glanced at me questioningly. I ignored them and watched the rest of the song. My appearing at the set seemed to give Kyle an energy boost equivalent to three Monsters.

When the first song ended, Kyle turned to me again. I waved again and he waved too before mouthing 'What are you doing here?' with a confused expression. I shrugged and mouthed 'You wanted to hang out,' in reply. Kyle smiled again and added to the short cover of Deep in the Heart of Texas. Jonathan spoke a bit more before the boys started their next song. Kyle didn't lose an ounce of energy through out the rest of the show and I found it nearly impossible to tear my eyes away from him. At one point, while Caleb was crossing the stage, he noticed me and smiled. Then he turned to look at Kyle, I didn't see what Caleb did, but the boys caught each other's attention for a moment and Kyle's smile grew again.

;;

"Thank you Dallas! You've been absolutely amazing. It's so good to come home. Remember! Denny's at nine o'clock!"

With one more thank you to the crowd and a crash on Kyle's crash, the boys sprinted over to my side of the stage, stripping off guitars as they ran. Of course, I was greeted by Kyle first. His sweaty arms wrapped around my torso before I had time to react and I was lifted a foot off of the ground. My arms were locked at my sides, so I slipped out of Kyle's grasp after a few seconds.

"I thought you were in Longview?" He gasped, grasping my upper arms.

"I was," I said with a laugh. "All the boys left me alone. I had nothing to do, so I thought I could make your set. I ended up running across the venue to get here, but I made it."

"You made Kyle's day, is what ya made," Caleb said popping his head around Kyle's shoulder.

"Yeah," Kent added before wiping at his sweat with a towel. "You should've seen his face after he hung up with you."

I burst into a fit of giggles as Kent exaggerated an expression that a child denied of candy would make. Kent straightened his face and then smiled triumphantly. Did he think it was that hard to make me laugh?

Jonathan came up to me next, the only other FTSK member to give me a sweaty hug. We smiled at each other, but before I could say hello Kyle was already dragging me away by the wrist. I sent an apologetic smile at the guys and waved before turning to keep up with Kyle's abnormally long legs.

"Where are we going Kyle?" I asked.

"A set," he answered bluntly as we passed along Merch Avenue.

For a split second I saw Ryan in his tent. Our eyes locked quickly and he smiled at me. I was surprised he acknowledged me at all. I hadn't seen him in a few days and I got the feeling he might think I was ignoring him. Our schedules were always clashing though. When I was out of the tent he was in an interview. When he wasn't playing, I was on stage. So, despite the risk of annoying Kyle, I dug my heels into the ground.

My sudden stop surprised Kyle, who kept walking a few moments afterwards. He stumbled backwards towards me and turned around. His eyes were squinting in the sunlight but the rest of his face was confused. Kyle's hand slid down my wrist. The tips of his fingers were grazing my palm and his thumb rested on the back of my hand. Although I was tingling everywhere, Kyle acted like his touch was nothing.

"Why'd you stop?"

"I just want to say hi to Ryan. I haven't seen him in a while."

"I haven't seen you in a while," Kyle retorted.

"Kyle, you saw me yesterday."

"So?"

"So I haven't seen Ryan for a few days. He's my friend; I want to go see him."

Kyle's eyes furrowed in a sort of misunderstanding hurt. His lips curved downward in a frown and mine followed. My stomach jostled in a bad way and I curled the fingers of my left hand just enough to skim Kyle's knuckles briefly.

"What's wrong?"

"Why is it so hard with me, and so easy with other guys?" Kyle asked, his tone low and hurt.

"What do you mean?" I asked confused.

"To be friends. Ryan didn't have to work as hard as me. Hell, Travis didn't have to work at all! Why is it so easy for you to accept them and not me?"

People around us were starting to stare. I paid no attention to them though. Instead I searched Kyle's eyes for something. What I was looking for I didn't know, but I hated seeing him upset at all, let alone upset with me. I opened my mouth to give him an answer I hadn't even thought of yet, but was interrupted by a small nervous voice.

"Kyle? Could I get a picture?"

In the presence of a fan, Kyle's demeanor changed. His frown flipped and he greeted the girl graciously, bequeathing her request quickly. With that simple interruption, our – what ever it was – was left unspoken and we continued in the direction of the main stages without a word. Kyle didn't make an attempt to grab hold of my wrist again.