Before It's Over

I wasn't able to find Kyle before the boys and I left Detroit for Cleveland, and I wouldn't dare contact him while my band mates were around. They were constantly teasing me about Kyle and texting him would only give them a reason to start. So, I decided to meet Kyle in the catering line the next morning.

"Kyle!" I called once I spotted his peroxide blond hair at the end of the line.

Kyle spun around with a smile on his face. When I reached the line he embraced me in big hug and held me there for a little too long. Kyle released his hold and I took a step back offering him a smile.

"I missed you yesterday," he greeted.

"Me too," I responded without thinking. Kyle's smile grew.

"Good," he said as we inched up in line. "That means you're not allowed to have anymore press-filled days, okay?"

"Yeah, sure, Ky."

"A nickname!" Kyle shouted suddenly, startling me. "I've reached nickname status! Hey, Jack Barakat! Avery used my nickname!"

Kyle had turned around and leaned sideways to peek around the line at Jack, who was a few people ahead of us. Jack had turned to Kyle with an amused smile and offered Kyle congratulations.

"Is that a big deal?" I asked, chuckling at Kyle's antics.

"That's another wall down," Kyle explained in a calmer tone. "Of course it's a big deal."

The air was suddenly thicker. Kyle didn't seem to notice the awkwardness surrounding me, though and proceeded to tell me about the pranks he played on Jonathan yesterday. I was only half paying attention to Kyle words. The other half of my mind was paying too much attention to how close Kyle's hand was to mine. It was buzzing with thoughts that had been subconsciously been haunting me since the night I spoke with Caleb on the bus.

I knew that Kyle wanted a relationship, and I knew that I wasn't going to agree to one. I had worked too hard to throw my career away on one boy with silly hair and a perfect smile. That night in early July I had asked Caleb if there was a way that Kyle could leave the tour and me without getting hurt. He had answered no and I knew he was right. My only dilemma was to decide whether to make Kyle happy for a short time by agreeing to be friends or tell him nothing could happen straight out. Obviously the former had been chosen. Now it was only a matter of when. When is the best time to break a boy's heart? As I asked myself this question, however, another popped into my mind. Did I want to break this boy's heart?

"Ave? Are you even listening?"

"What?" I asked, breaking out of my thoughts.

Kyle scrutinized me. In his eyes I could see that he knew I was thinking about something. Kyle played it off though and was smiling seconds later. He began his story again and I tried my best to pay attention this time. However, while we inched our way up in the queue, my mind was still plagued with thoughts of Kyle.

;;

Under the shade of the merch tent, the ninety degree weather was a bit more bearable. Ross stood beside me, and we both scrambled to handle the after-set rush. I was constantly running back and forth between shirts and the table as well as repeatedly pulling out my sharpie to sign things. Ross was just as over worked, and by the time we had attended to the last fan, we both were likely to collapse from exhaustion.

"Water," Ross said exaggeratedly, as though he had been living in a desert for forty years. "Must. Find. Water."

"Alright Rossy," I said taking a seat in my lawn chair. "You go get some water. I'll stay and watch the tent."

"Thanks, Ave!" Ross said with new energy before zooming off in the direction of catering.

Ross made it seem like there was no water to be found in the whole venue. Even after ten minutes he didn’t return to the tent. I made a mental note to reprimand him about it later. I wasn’t alone forever though. About fifteen minuets after Ross left, Kyle showed up, spontaneous as ever.

"Ave-Ave-Ave-Ave-Ave-Ave-Ave-Avery!"

"Hey Kyle," I said as I plopped down into my lawn chair.

Kyle walked around the merch table and dragged Shane’s chair next to mine. When he sat down, his knees rose high into the air and I giggled at his height. Kyle shot me a feigned hurt look but then adverted a smile down into his lap.

"So, to what do I owe this visit?" I asked.

"My burning desire to see my best friend?" Kyle answered in more of a question.

"Kevin's here?" I asked looking around the tent exaggeratedly.

"Haha," Kyle said sarcastically. "I was talking about you, Ave. Anyway, Transformers tonight!"

Kyle's eyes lit up with excitement, which made me smile in return. He began to babble on about the movie and how he used to watch the show as a child. I listened this time and nodded and smiled at the right moments. Kyle's pale blue eyes remained locked on mine as he spoke animatedly. When someone came up for merch I rose from my chair and Kyle followed. I smiled at the twenty-something girl in front of me and asked if I could get her anything.

"Well, I'm kinda broke, but I was wondering if I could get a picture with you and Kyle and your autographs."

"Oh, yeah. Sure." I said as I circled around the merch table to meet the girl.

"What's your name?" Kyle asked as he came to stand beside me.

"Sarah. I really love both of your bands, by the way."

Sarah handed me a copy of our EP. The paper cover had obviously been through a lot. The corners were bent and flimsy and the cover was bent. The actual CD wasn't inside so I signed the cover with the sharpie I always kept in my back pocket. As I handed the case back, I noticed that Kyle was signing the booklet of Underdog Alma Mater. When Kyle was finished, Sarah put the CDs back in her bag and fished a digital camera out of her back pocket. She took a spot on the other side of me and the three of us leaned our heads together to fit in the shot.

I was painfully aware of the hold that Kyle had on my waist and the close proximity of our cheeks. The camera flashed and Sarah pulled away to look at the picture on the camera's display screen. Kyle straightened up, but his hand remained around my waist.

"Oh, you guys are so cute together! Thanks!"

Before I could protest to Sarah's statement, she had hurried in the direction of the Hurley stage. I turned to look up at Kyle questioningly, but my expression changed quickly. Kyle stared down at me with a heart-stopping smile. My stomach dropped, and my heart rose in my throat. Then Kyle's expression changed. The glow from his face drained and he looked like had just realized something very sad. His arm slipped from my waist and I immediately went to grab for his wrist, but I stopped myself just in time. Kyle walked back around the merch table, sat back down in Shane's chair, leaned forward on his knees and began to twiddle his thumbs.

I stood on the other side of the table for a moment and watched Kyle sit almost motionless in the chair. After a few moments, I followed Kyle's previous path around the table and took my seat next to him. Kyle raised his eyes from their intent stare on his fingers to look at me with a smile that was unconvincing.

As it often did, the sight of Kyle unhappy made my heart drop. I felt myself leaning towards him and raising my hand to touch his shoulder, but I hesitated. Kyle watched my hand fall back down onto the chair. Then he stood from the chair slowly again with the unconvincing smile. I looked up at him questioningly, and asked him why he was leaving already. Kyle didn't answer. Instead, he leaned down and placed a soft kiss on the top of my hair. Stunned, shocked, and emotionally confused I stared at Kyle's back as he shoved his fingers into the pockets of his camo shorts and walked away from the tent.

In my mind, I kept repeating "What the hell just happened?" over and over again. I raised my fingers to temple, anticipating a major shock headache. Then it came to me. The notion, however impossible, was quite clear in my mind. Kyle was getting to me. He was getting way too close. I felt the walls around me crumbling, falling to pieces at his feet. How had he done it? How had Kyle made me like him? It wasn't possible, it wasn't allowed. This couldn't be happening. I was not allowed to actually start falling for Kyle Burns.

In a moment of panic, I stood from my lawn chair and sprinted in the direction of the van, leaving the merch tent without an attendant until Ross returned.

;;

Hours later, the van door opened and Adam climbed into the back to lie beside me. I had been lying on my back, staring at the ceiling of the van for too long. The gray ceiling upholstery was starting to look alive and my eyes were dry. I felt Adam's arm against mine and his eyes on the side of my face, I didn't take my eyes from the ceiling or my thoughts from Kyle.

"Have you finally realized?" Adam said quietly. "I've known for a while. Shane knows too. I don't think you ever noticed how happy he makes you."

"Adam," I started, but my voice crack from the lack of use. "Adam, I can't"

"Thanks what you assume, Ave, but you can. No one's stopping you but yourself."

Finally, I pulled my eyes from the ceiling of the van to shoot Adam a disdainful look. His eyes stared back into mine with reprimanding.

"Aiden-" I began to protest.

"-is your brother," Adam interrupted. "And brothers want their sisters to be happy."

"Not this brother. He thinks I'm a baby! He thinks I can't live this life on your own."

"Again, that's what you assume."

"I'm his sister, Adam," I said loudly, frustrated. "I think I know a little bit more that you do!"

"I'm his best friend!" Adam said sitting up sharply. "You could give me a little more credit, Avery. I know him pretty damn well! And I don't ignore other people's true feelings. I don't kid myself about my own feelings, either! You do! You do and you ruin your perception of people. Maybe you should look a little deeper; not only in yourself, but in your brother and Kyle too.

Adam stood angrily and hurried out of the van, slamming the door behind him. I sat amongst the tangled sheet in the back, staring at the door, wondering if I would soon be responsible for breaking up the only amazing thing in my life.