Before It's Over

I had known from the beginning of the tour that Kyle Burns would be trouble for me. Nevertheless, I let him in and I befriended him, no matter how much I knew I shouldn't. And now I found myself struggling to stay just friends with Kyle. As we sat together on the couch, our knees grazing each other, I could feel my stomach twisting. He was too close. I had let him too far in.

"Kyle," I started, my voice barely above a whisper. "I can't- When tour's over we-" I let out a groan and pulled my hand through my slightly knotted hair.

Kyle sat next to me, impatient curiosity in his eyes. His hands were folded in his lap, a mannerism I had never seen him use. It soon became familiar, though, when I noticed that he was wringing his fingers repeatedly. I looked up from his hands and back to his face, which held and expectant smile. I could feel my heart melt. I had to look back down at my own hands.

"Kyle, I know how you feel about me, and I know you know how I feel about you." I could see Kyle smile wider in my peripheral vision. It broke my heart that he was getting excited for me to let him down. "I can't be anything more than a friend to you, Kyle…not yet."

I looked up at Kyle's face again, hoping to convey an apology in my eyes. What I saw broke my heart. Kyle wore no smile on his face. No, in place of the smile I had grown to love over the past two months was a frown. I couldn't help but think how horrible it looked on him, but maybe I was being biased. I was so used to seeing him smile.

"Why?" If I thought my heart was broken before, this just crumbled it into tiny pieces. Kyle's voice was hoarse, the way it gets before you cry, like your throat is closing. His eyes bore into mine with question sparkling in the moisture threatening to spill over his lower lids. "Why 'not yet'?"

"I have priorities Ky-"

"My God! Priorities? Ave, your heart should be a priority! Your heart, not your brother!" Kyle's suddenly angered voice startled me and I found myself looking down at my hands guiltily. "I kind of hoped my heart was a priority! If you know how I feel and you know how you feel, why can't you go with that, Ave? Why can't you let me in anymore?"

"Kyle, I let you in! I took down my walls for you, almost every single one!"

"It sure as hell doesn't seem like it!"

"Well I did!"

"Then what's the problem?!"

Kyle's voice was filled with exasperation and pleading. His face was red and I could see the blue veins in his neck. He was breathing heavily and his chest heaved. His eyes, however, were glazed over and hurt-looking. I saw his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed. The red color began to drain from his face as he began to calm down. I was livid too, and in the time span it took Kyle to calm, I cooled down as well.

"All I'm asking is for you to be with me," Kyle said as he stood from the couch to stand in front of me before squatting down to my level. His voice was soft and his eyes bore into mine with pleading. "Why can't you take a chance on me, Ave?"

I sighed and leaned my head down into my hands. The extra weight made my elbows dig into the skin just above my knee cap. Kyle's persistence was unbelievable, but I couldn't give in, no matter how much I wanted to. Kyle had to understand. He at least deserved to know why I had to push him away.

"Kyle," I breathed looking up from my hands into Kyle's blue orbs. "When I came on this tour, I promised myself I wouldn't give in to major distractions. I knew from the first day I met you that you would be a major distraction. That's why I avoided you at first, but you were so persistent, so I said 'okay, friends are acceptable. Kyle and I could be friends.'

"Even before we really started hanging out I knew you wanted more. So I tried to keep things strictly platonic. God, Kyle, it was so hard to do that. That day we watched Transformers- that was the day I realized I was giving in bit by bit. I knew I cared about you then. So I tried to distance myself from you-"

"That's why you didn't talk to me all last week."

Kyle's words were not a question, rather a statement, but I nodded none-the-less. "I can't take a chance on you Kyle because I came here to prove myself, to make something more of this band. I promised myself, Kyle, no distractions. Boyfriends are number one on my distractions list."

"We don't have to put a label on anything, Ave. We can just be us." Kyle paused and pulled my hand from my face. His hands were rough and blistered, but so were mine, and I couldn't help the fire that burned from his touch.

"Now you're just acting desperate."

Kyle smiled at the floor, something he did when he was embarrassed or thinking of something secret. He didn't look up at me as he said, "This is going to sound so cheesy - I don't know if it's worth saying - but I just want to be able to hold you, Ave."

Someone was stomping on the crumbled pieces of my heart now.

"Kyle, you hug me all the time."

"Well, I want to be able to do this too."

Shock. An electric shock coursed through my body, originating from the pair of lips attached to mine. The shock traveled through my veins and into my heart, where it turned a switch. In an instant I was vulnerable, and any preconception I had about my life on this tour went to shreds. I realized that I was wrong and that everything that everyone had been telling me was right.

There was something about Kyle. There were too many things about Kyle. The way the passion for music shimmered in his eyes when he played. The way his rough calloused hands felt perfect in mine. How his tall lanky frame was my favorite thing to fall into. How his pestering never really annoyed me. His messy mop of too-blond hair, his eclectic sense of style and music. The way his voice sounded after he would watch my set. The way the corners of his eyes crinkled when he smiled. That smile was the worst, the absolute worst.

That smile, I could feel against my lips. My free hand reached up to Kyle's neck, pulling him closer to me. Our entwined fingers loosened as Kyle's traveled up to run through my hair. His tongue brushed my bottom lip and I allowed him entrance without hesitation. In that kiss, I was completely open with my feelings. I let all my rules and all my worries out of my mind and only thought about Kyle and how much I knew that I needed him.

Kyle pulled away slowly and only enough so that our noses were still brushing. He pecked my lips twice before pulling away with the biggest smile I had ever seen him wear. He laughed jovially and cupped my cheek in his hand. My hand, still resting on Kyle's neck pulled him to me again for another small kiss.

"I've been so incredibly stupid," I whispered.

"You can say that again."

"Shut up, Kyle. You're ruining the moment."

Kyle chuckled softly and stood to take a seat next to me on the couch. His hand grabbed mine and we turned to each other. His eyes bore into mine with a light I had never seen in them before. His smile was the widest I've ever seen.

"If kissing you was all it took to get you to go out with me, I would have done it sooner," Kyle said softly, watching our hands entwine. "You have no idea how happy I am right now."

"I think that smile on your face gives me a good estimate," I said.

Kyle looked up from our hands and eyed me nervously. "So, what does this mean?"

I let out a breath trough my nose and leaned back on the couch. What did this mean? Had I inadvertently agreed to be with Kyle? Oh, crap, I had inadvertently agreed to be with Kyle. In my opinion, you can't just kiss someone like Kyle and I had just kissed with out committing to something. I wasn't one to kiss and ditch.

"Um, I guess this means I'm willing to give this-" I paused to point back and forth between Kyle and myself, remembering our second meeting behind the trailer. "-a try."

Kyle's smile reappeared and he pulled me in for another blissful kiss.

;;

It's hard to explain the euphoria you feel when you find out your band has been asked to play one of the most successful traveling music festivals in the United States. It's even harder to explain the euphoria you feel when you finally realize how you feel and act on those feelings.