She's A Lady

I woke to see Matt’s chest. I turned around and saw dad sitting in the floor beside the couch. Shit. They called him. I waited for the reprimand, but it never came. He just looked at me with pity in his eyes. So I did what I always did when somebody pitied me. I reached over and slapped him across the face.

I felt Matt jump from behind me, but none of the guys were surprised by my actions. “Don’t pity me.” And then I stood and walked to Matt’s room. I was aware of my slight limp, and the sets of eyes on my retreating form. They waited for me to close the door before dad started to yell at Matt.

“You were supposed to help her you son of a bitch!” Then I heard fist hit skin. Yeah dad has a temper. But I grabbed Matt’s hatchet-man Tripp pants and a matching tank-top and hat. I slid on a pair of combat boots. And looked in the closet for the one secret I kept from my dad. I kept having flashbacks of Dee. I set up a line of blow before snorting it.

When I walked back into the other room, Matt had bruises all over his face. This pissed me off. So of course I confronted dad about it.

“Why did you do that dumb ass?”

“He was supposed to protect you.”

“So are you.”

“But I wasn’t even here.”

“Neither was Matt.”

“What?”

“I took to long getting ready so I was going to meet everyone in the gym.” He got a sad look on his face before apologizing to Matt.

“So what did he do?” Alen was the first to ask, which probably meant that the others were afraid of the answer. Matt shot his twin a look that said ‘shut the fuck up’ ,but I needed to tell them. I walked to Matt before sitting on his lap. I wouldn’t have done this without the blow, but I needed them to think I was okay.

“He raped me. And beat the shit out of me. Then he left and I came home.”

“Are you okay Baby Girl? I’ve known you since you were three, and you seem a little off.”

“I’m fine. I can’t change the past. Its done and over and it’s time to move on.” Matt started to rub my shoulders so I stood and walked to get coffee afraid of having another flashback.

“Why aren’t you limping anymore?”

“I have a high pain tolerance. I just had to get used to it.” Jay walked towards me before stating his lovely little opinion.

“You’re lying. And you’re high.”

“What?”

“What the fuck Jay? You said you would keep my secret!”

“You’re upset. I said I wouldn’t tell about the once, but if you start now you’ll never stop.”

“Jay what is she talking about?”

“She’s doing cocaine.” Matt jumped up at that walking towards me. He grabbed me by the arms and slammed me into the wall, but I didn’t feel a thing.

“Why the fuck would you do that?” There were tears in his eyes. I suddenly felt really bad about doing it.

“I’m sorry. You deserve so much better. All of you do. But I just didn’t want to feel the pain. I kept having flashbacks. I’m so sorry.” And then I started crying hysterically. Matt wrapped his arms around me rocking us back and forth before dad pulled me up into his arms and carried me to the couch.

“Where did you get it?” But as soon as Dad asked Jay walked out of the room with my stash. “What the fuck?”

“I’m sorry daddy.”

“Why do you have it?”

“I’ve been doing it to take the edge off.”

“Why didn’t you just get drunk?”

“Because if I’m drunk I can’t fight.” Everyone just got quiet after that. It was like nobody knew what to do. So I just got up and went toward Matt’s room and mine. Unfortunately Matt followed me signaling to my dad that he’d be back in a second not to worry.

When we got into the room he wrapped his arms around me. “I’m so sorry Baby.”

“Why are you sorry? It’s my fault. I should have fought him, but he was going to hurt you. I couldn’t let him do that.”

“I can take care of myself. I would rather him hurt me than hurt you.”

“He had a gun, Matt. He was going to do more than hurt you.” He just pulled me closer after that.

“Be mine, Deidra? Please. You’re amazing. You’re so smart and beautiful. You’re always there for me. Please be mine.”

“Okay.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I just have a question.”

“Anything.”

“Will you be with me?”

“Like have sex with you?”

“Yeah. Please. I don’t want him to be the only person I’ve been with. I want it to be you. Please.”

“When are you supposed to start your period?”

“In three days.”

“Wait until after we know if you’re pregnant. Then I’ll do what ever you want me to do.” I couldn’t help myself after that. I pulled him close to me and hugged him tight letting al of my tears fall.

“I thought you’d never want me. Not after what he did.”

“Of course I want you. I want you more than anything. I would take you now if I knew you weren’t pregnant.”

“What if I am pregnant?”

“What do you want to do if you are pregnant?”

“I can only raise it. I could never give up my baby.”

“Then don’t worry about it. I’ll be here for you no matter what.”

“How do I raise his child though?”

“You don’t you just raise my child.” And then he sent me the most beautiful smile, which I responded to with a kiss. Unfortunately the kiss was interrupted by my father. And he didn’t look angry like I thought he would. He actually looked happy.