Nature's Child
Inside
Wednesday 1st March 2006.
Session begins 09:38 am
"So Alice , how are you doing today?"
"I'm okay."
"What does 'okay' mean?"
"I am not sick. I tell you that every week but I don't think you believe me. Sure, I still have the dreams and maybe I go a little freaky sometimes, but it's the drugs. They take me to a dark, scary place. When I'm back I feel so happy and free that I want to dance and sing. I don't see why everyone gets so uptight. "
"Did your father like to watch you dance?"
"Daddy? Yes, he called me his little ballerina. He liked being with me whatever I was doing. Especially after Mum went away."
"How was your father afterwards?"
"Sad. He was so sad. He loved her so much, and he was lonely I think. It was hard you know? Just the two of us for all those years."
"And you feel bad about that?"
"I feel bad because 'cos I know I caused him lots of grief. But he never complained. He just got a sad look on his face and told me it wasn't my fault. Then he’d hug me and smile and it would all be okay."
"What's your most vivid memory of your Father?"
"My most vivid what? Oh memory, that's easy. Walking in the woods. We used to go looking for fairies. He used to say that Mum was with us then, that she was part of everything around us; the birdsong, the wind that moved the treetops. I liked that. I liked that a lot. I love the woods. I would hold his hand and we would just walk wherever our feet took us. "
"Yes, I know how much you like the woods. I am sorry we don't let you walk there now"
"Yeah, you're all mean. I don't see what the problem is. I was not doing anything wrong. "
"You were naked when we finally found you Alice."
"So! We’ve all got bodies. The clothes were too warm. Besides, the fairies don't wear clothes and I want to be like them. I don't like being all cramped up in clothes; or in rooms. It makes me feel trapped, and when it’s dark I can't hear anything. There's no wind. That’s when it's the worst. ..... I don't feel."
"There's no need to become agitated."
"It's too warm in here. Can we open window, please Doctor Steel?
"You know the windows don't open Alice."
"I need real air. Stale, this is all dead air. You are all dead in here. You are all dead! I need to get out. Please Dr Steel, let me out. Please! Please! I need to go home!"
-------- Session ended 09:47am --------------
Dr Gail Steel turned off the recorder and tucked an errant strand of raven black hair behind her ear.
"And after that it just became the usual. Extreme agitation followed by screaming, and rage. It required a heavy dose to get her to settle. She spent the rest of the week in severe depression, almost torpor. Every time she has an episode the aftermath is worse and takes longer to recover from. This is more than claustrophobia Mark. I am sure that you can see the pattern."
Mark Bemrose, administrator of the institute, leaned forwards over a bundle of notes, tugging at his bottom lip as he pondered. Gail studied her boss’s brown eyes intently. Over the last two years she had learned more about clinical psychology under Mark’s mentoring than in all the long years of study. She respected his opinion and now, at her wit’s end, she desperately needed his insights.
Mark glanced down at the case notes.
“So Gail, what has Dr Sweeny recommended?”
Gail grimaced. “What do you think Mark?” Gail scowled and affected a gruff Scot’s accent “Up the dosage, Lass, Up the dosage! That’s his answer to everything.”
Mark tired to hide a smile. “Sounds like Sweeny all right. And what do you think?”
Gail sighed. “Mark, I just don’t know. The Droperidol calms her, sure. But I just can’t rationalise suppressing a psychosis as opposed to exploring it. Somehow we need to discover the roots of the underlying problems. Maybe then we can begin a proper course of therapy.”
Mark nodded. “Sounds reasonable. But you have to remember Gail; Alice was here over a year before you were. She came to us a very fragile child, a broken china doll. We tried to reach her in so many ways. You know as well as I that I would rather be treating a patient and sending them home with a nice clean bill of health. But you also know life doesn’t always work out that way.”
Gail stared numbly down at the desk. Nothing Mark had said was news, but hearing I from the man she admired so much was a blow. “Then you’re saying you don’t think we can do anything for her?”
Mark stood and moved to the elegant 18th century windows. He stared out into the gardens for a moment before responding.
“I am not saying that at all Gail. We just need to find the right approach.” Mark turned and sat on the window seat. “When would you say Alice has appeared the most alive, the most alert?”
Gail smiled. “When she’s outside. She becomes brighter, more cheerful, less likely to become angry.”
Mark nodded in agreement. “Yes, that comes through in the case notes as well. I think what we need to do is build on this rapport you seem to have developed with Alice. I think we should arrange a few supervised excursions outside, perhaps with Alice under a very mild sedation, certainly at first anyway. Try and reach some of those locked rooms inside her head.
Gail felt a small surge of triumph. “Really? But Dr Sweeny has forbidden…”
Mark cut her off. “Leave Sweeny to me. I’m taking him off Alice’s case and putting you in charge of her treatment.”
Gail beamed! “Mark, thank you so much! I’ll do my very best.”
Mark moved towards her and placed a hand on her shoulder.
“Just take it gently Gail. Baby steps remember? Run everything by me, and be careful. At the first signs of danger pull back. I will not have you hurt like nurse Mills. You are too valuable to have off work for twelve weeks.”
Gail shuddered. Nurse Mills was a big lady. It was hard to reconcile how a petite sixteen year old could have caused so much damage to her.
“I’ll remember Mark. Baby steps.”
Session begins 09:38 am
"So Alice , how are you doing today?"
"I'm okay."
"What does 'okay' mean?"
"I am not sick. I tell you that every week but I don't think you believe me. Sure, I still have the dreams and maybe I go a little freaky sometimes, but it's the drugs. They take me to a dark, scary place. When I'm back I feel so happy and free that I want to dance and sing. I don't see why everyone gets so uptight. "
"Did your father like to watch you dance?"
"Daddy? Yes, he called me his little ballerina. He liked being with me whatever I was doing. Especially after Mum went away."
"How was your father afterwards?"
"Sad. He was so sad. He loved her so much, and he was lonely I think. It was hard you know? Just the two of us for all those years."
"And you feel bad about that?"
"I feel bad because 'cos I know I caused him lots of grief. But he never complained. He just got a sad look on his face and told me it wasn't my fault. Then he’d hug me and smile and it would all be okay."
"What's your most vivid memory of your Father?"
"My most vivid what? Oh memory, that's easy. Walking in the woods. We used to go looking for fairies. He used to say that Mum was with us then, that she was part of everything around us; the birdsong, the wind that moved the treetops. I liked that. I liked that a lot. I love the woods. I would hold his hand and we would just walk wherever our feet took us. "
"Yes, I know how much you like the woods. I am sorry we don't let you walk there now"
"Yeah, you're all mean. I don't see what the problem is. I was not doing anything wrong. "
"You were naked when we finally found you Alice."
"So! We’ve all got bodies. The clothes were too warm. Besides, the fairies don't wear clothes and I want to be like them. I don't like being all cramped up in clothes; or in rooms. It makes me feel trapped, and when it’s dark I can't hear anything. There's no wind. That’s when it's the worst. ..... I don't feel."
"There's no need to become agitated."
"It's too warm in here. Can we open window, please Doctor Steel?
"You know the windows don't open Alice."
"I need real air. Stale, this is all dead air. You are all dead in here. You are all dead! I need to get out. Please Dr Steel, let me out. Please! Please! I need to go home!"
-------- Session ended 09:47am --------------
Dr Gail Steel turned off the recorder and tucked an errant strand of raven black hair behind her ear.
"And after that it just became the usual. Extreme agitation followed by screaming, and rage. It required a heavy dose to get her to settle. She spent the rest of the week in severe depression, almost torpor. Every time she has an episode the aftermath is worse and takes longer to recover from. This is more than claustrophobia Mark. I am sure that you can see the pattern."
Mark Bemrose, administrator of the institute, leaned forwards over a bundle of notes, tugging at his bottom lip as he pondered. Gail studied her boss’s brown eyes intently. Over the last two years she had learned more about clinical psychology under Mark’s mentoring than in all the long years of study. She respected his opinion and now, at her wit’s end, she desperately needed his insights.
Mark glanced down at the case notes.
“So Gail, what has Dr Sweeny recommended?”
Gail grimaced. “What do you think Mark?” Gail scowled and affected a gruff Scot’s accent “Up the dosage, Lass, Up the dosage! That’s his answer to everything.”
Mark tired to hide a smile. “Sounds like Sweeny all right. And what do you think?”
Gail sighed. “Mark, I just don’t know. The Droperidol calms her, sure. But I just can’t rationalise suppressing a psychosis as opposed to exploring it. Somehow we need to discover the roots of the underlying problems. Maybe then we can begin a proper course of therapy.”
Mark nodded. “Sounds reasonable. But you have to remember Gail; Alice was here over a year before you were. She came to us a very fragile child, a broken china doll. We tried to reach her in so many ways. You know as well as I that I would rather be treating a patient and sending them home with a nice clean bill of health. But you also know life doesn’t always work out that way.”
Gail stared numbly down at the desk. Nothing Mark had said was news, but hearing I from the man she admired so much was a blow. “Then you’re saying you don’t think we can do anything for her?”
Mark stood and moved to the elegant 18th century windows. He stared out into the gardens for a moment before responding.
“I am not saying that at all Gail. We just need to find the right approach.” Mark turned and sat on the window seat. “When would you say Alice has appeared the most alive, the most alert?”
Gail smiled. “When she’s outside. She becomes brighter, more cheerful, less likely to become angry.”
Mark nodded in agreement. “Yes, that comes through in the case notes as well. I think what we need to do is build on this rapport you seem to have developed with Alice. I think we should arrange a few supervised excursions outside, perhaps with Alice under a very mild sedation, certainly at first anyway. Try and reach some of those locked rooms inside her head.
Gail felt a small surge of triumph. “Really? But Dr Sweeny has forbidden…”
Mark cut her off. “Leave Sweeny to me. I’m taking him off Alice’s case and putting you in charge of her treatment.”
Gail beamed! “Mark, thank you so much! I’ll do my very best.”
Mark moved towards her and placed a hand on her shoulder.
“Just take it gently Gail. Baby steps remember? Run everything by me, and be careful. At the first signs of danger pull back. I will not have you hurt like nurse Mills. You are too valuable to have off work for twelve weeks.”
Gail shuddered. Nurse Mills was a big lady. It was hard to reconcile how a petite sixteen year old could have caused so much damage to her.
“I’ll remember Mark. Baby steps.”