My Way Home Is Through You

It had taken almost an hour to bring Anna down from the excitement she felt after the show, but Ray had found it a good distraction from his own adrenaline high which always came after performances. By the time she was tucked into bed by all five of the guys, she was quite exhausted, and sunk into a deep slumber quickly.

After his bandmates had left, Ray found himself going through the folder from Anna's suitcase once more. Beyond the birth certificate, it contained mostly official-looking documents which he supposed would need to be turned in to Beatty when he got the chance. As he got to the end of the small pile, something caught his eye. It was a letter with his name on it. As he pulled it out and began to read it, he broke out in goosebumps.

July 15, 2004

Dear Ray,

Happy Birthday, baby. I know it's been a while. I don't even know if you've thought about me since that day.

There are things that need to be said... And I don't even know if I'll ever mail this to you. But it's therapeutic for me to write it, so there you have it.

Do you remember that day, three years ago? When we said goodbye? It's a day I'll never forget, and I'll always regret it. But I was scared... So scared, Ray.

I had just found out that I was pregnant. I just couldn't tell you. You were so worried about money and finding a proper job, and that silly band of Jason's - we all knew it would never work. I just didn't know how I could possibly lay this on you on top of it all.

So I panicked, and fled. My heart has been broken ever since.

You have a daughter, Ray. A beautiful, bright, funny little girl who looks so much like you that it hurts. She's two years old, and I named her Anna Maria. I gave her your last name... I thought she should at least have that.

She's so amazing, Ray. The first time I held her, it almost healed the hole I had in my heart from our split. She's so smart, and so sweet. You would love her, I just know you would.

You'll be thrilled to hear she's got a knack for music, too. Remember the old piano at my mom's house? Anna loves to sit on the bench and plink those keys for hours. She even comes up with melodies, sometimes... Sort of...

She's got your hair and your eyes and those gorgeous lips I always loved so. She even laughs like you. And that determined look you get on your face when you set your mind to something, that I always teased you about... She's got that, too.

I'm so sorry I never told you, Ray. I'll regret it for the rest of my life. You deserved to know. And Anna deserves to have her father.

Can you ever forgive me?

I still love you, baby. I love you so much. But how could I ever come back to you after what I've done?

Please, God, forgive me.

Love always,
Jenna

Ray put the letter down and once more had tears running down his face. Slowly, quietly, he went into the bedroom, crawled into his bed and buried his face in his pillow. He cried himself to sleep.