Sequel: A Christmas to Remember ›
My Way Home Is Through You
A Hard Day's Night
Before turning off the light and stepping into the tv room, Ray paused to pick up the folder and album he'd gotten out of Anna's suitcase. He settled himself down on the couch and opened the folder. Inside he found Anna's birth certificate.
Child's Name:
Anna Maria Toro-Ortiz
Date of Birth:
March 16, 2002
Mother's Name:
Jenna Louise Warren
Father's Name:
Raymond Manuel Toro-Ortiz
Ray sighed and placed the certificate aside. He shuffled through the rest of the papers restlessly, then set the folder aside.
He picked up the album and saw Anna's name painted across it. He opened it and received a shock. Jenna's face smiled up at him from two pictures on the front page. In the first photograph, she was obviously pregnant. She looked simply radiant. Now he understood what people meant when they told pregnant women that they were glowing. He could truly see this in his ex-girlfriend.
In the photo on the bottom, Jenna was in a hospital bed with a tiny bundle in her arms. Anna. He gazed at the pair in the picture for a moment, then quickly turned the page.
The next few pages were filled with pictures of Anna during what must have been her first few months. She was so tiny. Ray was amused to see that even from the beginning she'd had his curly hair and wide mouth.
He turned the page to find pictures of Anna in a high chair, in front of her first birthday cake. One picture showed her tearing into a brightly wrapped present. Another was of the child covered in frosting and giggling. The last showed Jenna kissing a squealing Anna on the cheek.
Ray slammed the book closed. He couldn't take any more.
He should have been there.
He had loved Jenna. Really and truly loved her. He'd have happily stayed with her if she hadn't broken it off so suddenly all those years ago. My Chemical Romance hadn't even existed then; in a pre-9/11 world, Ray had still been bumming around with various friends' bands, playing whatever instruments they'd needed filled. When Jenna had ended things, it had come as a shock. He'd been ready to take their relationship to the next level - moving in together, or even marriage. He remembered his pain and confusion at her sudden change of heart. It had taken him a long time to get over. Now he wondered if the discovery of her pregnancy hadn't had something to do with her decisions.
With a weary sigh, he reached for his cell phone. Glancing at his watch, he saw that it was nearly midnight already. No matter. Gerard would still be up.
"Hey man, you all right?" came Gerard's immediate answer when he picked up the phone.
"No," Ray replied, rubbing his temple. "No, I'm really not."
"What happened? Is Anna okay?"
"Yeah, she's fine. She's sleeping." Ray swallowed hard. "Nothing happened. Just... Just talk to me, Gee. About anything. Get my mind off of things."
For want of a better topic, Gerard began to stammer on about Frank and Bob's epic battle over the television remote that had occured after Ray and Anna had left. Ray listened intently, praying the terrible thoughts and memories would fade.
Soon, he began to feel better. He laughed as Gerard recounted Mikey's attempt at refereeing, which had resulted in all four of them with bloody noses. As Gerard continued, Ray heard a noise from the bedroom.
Anna was crying.
"Thanks, Gerard," he said quickly, cutting his bandmate off. "I feel a lot better now. Listen, she's awake, and she's crying, I've really got to go... See you guys tomorrow?"
"You know it, man. Take care."
He hung up the phone as another wail came from the next room.
"MOMMEEE!"
Ray hurried into the bedroom and turned on the light. Anna was sitting up in bed with tears streaming down her face.
"What's the matter, baby?" he said, sitting down on the bed beside her.
"Where's Mommy?" his daughter cried pitifully.
Ray felt his chest constricting as he answered. "Mommy's gone, Anna. She's gone. Don't you remember, honey?"
Slowly, realization dawned on Anna's face, and Ray watched as his daughter crumbled before his eyes. With a howl of despair, she buried her face in his chest and sobbed. Ray's own tears began to flow as he stroked his child's head and held her close.
"Shhh, baby, I know. I know. Dad's here now. Daddy's here."
It was nearly an hour before she quieted and sank into a deep sleep. Ray lay there for a long time afterwards with his daughter in his arms, wondering how they would get through this. Finally, out of pure exhaustion, he drifted off, hoping tomorrow would bring a better day.
Child's Name:
Anna Maria Toro-Ortiz
Date of Birth:
March 16, 2002
Mother's Name:
Jenna Louise Warren
Father's Name:
Raymond Manuel Toro-Ortiz
Ray sighed and placed the certificate aside. He shuffled through the rest of the papers restlessly, then set the folder aside.
He picked up the album and saw Anna's name painted across it. He opened it and received a shock. Jenna's face smiled up at him from two pictures on the front page. In the first photograph, she was obviously pregnant. She looked simply radiant. Now he understood what people meant when they told pregnant women that they were glowing. He could truly see this in his ex-girlfriend.
In the photo on the bottom, Jenna was in a hospital bed with a tiny bundle in her arms. Anna. He gazed at the pair in the picture for a moment, then quickly turned the page.
The next few pages were filled with pictures of Anna during what must have been her first few months. She was so tiny. Ray was amused to see that even from the beginning she'd had his curly hair and wide mouth.
He turned the page to find pictures of Anna in a high chair, in front of her first birthday cake. One picture showed her tearing into a brightly wrapped present. Another was of the child covered in frosting and giggling. The last showed Jenna kissing a squealing Anna on the cheek.
Ray slammed the book closed. He couldn't take any more.
He should have been there.
He had loved Jenna. Really and truly loved her. He'd have happily stayed with her if she hadn't broken it off so suddenly all those years ago. My Chemical Romance hadn't even existed then; in a pre-9/11 world, Ray had still been bumming around with various friends' bands, playing whatever instruments they'd needed filled. When Jenna had ended things, it had come as a shock. He'd been ready to take their relationship to the next level - moving in together, or even marriage. He remembered his pain and confusion at her sudden change of heart. It had taken him a long time to get over. Now he wondered if the discovery of her pregnancy hadn't had something to do with her decisions.
With a weary sigh, he reached for his cell phone. Glancing at his watch, he saw that it was nearly midnight already. No matter. Gerard would still be up.
"Hey man, you all right?" came Gerard's immediate answer when he picked up the phone.
"No," Ray replied, rubbing his temple. "No, I'm really not."
"What happened? Is Anna okay?"
"Yeah, she's fine. She's sleeping." Ray swallowed hard. "Nothing happened. Just... Just talk to me, Gee. About anything. Get my mind off of things."
For want of a better topic, Gerard began to stammer on about Frank and Bob's epic battle over the television remote that had occured after Ray and Anna had left. Ray listened intently, praying the terrible thoughts and memories would fade.
Soon, he began to feel better. He laughed as Gerard recounted Mikey's attempt at refereeing, which had resulted in all four of them with bloody noses. As Gerard continued, Ray heard a noise from the bedroom.
Anna was crying.
"Thanks, Gerard," he said quickly, cutting his bandmate off. "I feel a lot better now. Listen, she's awake, and she's crying, I've really got to go... See you guys tomorrow?"
"You know it, man. Take care."
He hung up the phone as another wail came from the next room.
"MOMMEEE!"
Ray hurried into the bedroom and turned on the light. Anna was sitting up in bed with tears streaming down her face.
"What's the matter, baby?" he said, sitting down on the bed beside her.
"Where's Mommy?" his daughter cried pitifully.
Ray felt his chest constricting as he answered. "Mommy's gone, Anna. She's gone. Don't you remember, honey?"
Slowly, realization dawned on Anna's face, and Ray watched as his daughter crumbled before his eyes. With a howl of despair, she buried her face in his chest and sobbed. Ray's own tears began to flow as he stroked his child's head and held her close.
"Shhh, baby, I know. I know. Dad's here now. Daddy's here."
It was nearly an hour before she quieted and sank into a deep sleep. Ray lay there for a long time afterwards with his daughter in his arms, wondering how they would get through this. Finally, out of pure exhaustion, he drifted off, hoping tomorrow would bring a better day.