Paradise Lost

When I woke up the next morning, I heard various voices in the Kitchen of Emily’s home.

“What the fuck is going on in here?” I said, making my way through the house, into the kitchen.

Four pairs of eyes looked up at me as I walked in. Charlie, Jorel, Dillon and Emily were sitting at the table arguing. And now things got awkwardly quiet when I entered the room.

“Um…good morning?” I said, not really sure what they were talking about, but I had a strange feeling it had to do with me and Jorel.

“There you are. Thank fucking god, now can we please go home?” Jorel asked, standing up beside me.

“I don’t want to go home with you, Jorel. What you said to me last night, do you have any idea how hurt I am?”

“Look, babe, I’m sorry. You know I was drunk. Hell, I don’t even remember last night.”

“You told me you’ve been cheating on me since you left for tour last month.”

“Natalie, come on. You know I love you. Just come home, alright? At least to talk about this?”

“I’m giving you one day to make this right again, Jorel.”

“I swear I will baby. Just give me a chance.”

“Let me grab my bags.”

I hugged Emily and said thanks for letting me spend the night. Charlie came over to hug me, and whispered for me to call him later and let him know what goes on between me and Jorel so the rest of the guys know that I’m safe and that Jay isn’t drinking and smoking his way to oblivion.

Then, I walked outside and got into my Jeep Laredo, Jorel getting in the car with me, seeing as he rode over with Charlie.

“I swear, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean any of it.” He started, as soon as I had the car cranked.

“You fucking expect me to believe that Jorel? You know, they say the truth comes out when you’re drunk.”

“Will you quit fucking calling me Jorel? You know I hate that,” he said, angry again already, “You sound like my mom when I was younger and she’d get pissed at me.”

I knew that calling him Jorel hit close to home for him. Jay wasn’t very fond of his parents; in fact he rarely talked to them at all. They were completely against everything that he was doing with his life. They had had issues with him since he was a kid, growing up in the streets of LA. They wouldn’t even come to shows or to the house to visit. Then again, my parents weren’t exactly there either.

“I just, I don’t know if I can fucking do this anymore. I can’t take…being with you.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean! Are we just breaking up now. All because I was drunk and said some shit.”

“No, Jay. We’re over because I know it was the truth, ok? When we get back to the house, pack your shit. The house is in my name, and I plan on staying there. You on the other hand, aren’t.”

“You’re really going to be a bitch about this aren’t you? You know what, fuck you then.”

A single tear slid down my face as I slowly realized that I had done the one thing that I had always been worried about. I had broken up with the one man that had supported me throughout college, when I dropped out, and when I was depressed. I felt…relieved, actually. I no longer had to fret and cry about not hearing from him. I didn’t have to listen to him cuss me out for doing something wrong. I was finally independent. What a…strange feeling, I guess. For so long I had felt like I needed Jorel and now, I was suddenly on my own.

I watched as we walked through the door and Jorel went upstairs, slamming things as he went. I heard a picture break and knew that he was pissed. I silently went into the kitchen and waited, cooking while I listened to what was going on upstairs. He was on the phone now, talking to someone.

“She fucking kicked my ass out!” He was exclaiming, “I don’t fucking know where to go so I’ll be at your house crashing, I guess. Come on Aron, it’ll just be until I get my own place.”

Assuming that Aron gave in, I heard Jorel opening doors and drawers, hopefully getting all of his shit. Eventually, he came downstairs with a few suitcases and a backpack.

“I’ll get the rest of my shit within the next week.” He told me, before hearing a horn honk outside and leaving without looking back.

I watched as he left, sighing and running my hand through my hair. It was really over. I went upstairs to inspect the damage, only to find that I was right. Drawers were pulled completely out and left in the floor, there were three broken picture frames, and hangers strewn everywhere. I began picking things up when I noticed a quickly scrawled letter laying on the bed.

‘Nat,
I screw things up every day of my life. I’m fucked up, I fuck things up, and I’m probably going to be a fuck up for life. I’m sorry for what I did to you, you were right. The truth comes out with drunken slurs. I really do love you and I’ll always be around; as a friend, or as more if you ever decide to take me back on day.”
-Jay’

I just set the letter on the nightstand and continued cleaning. I got a few calls from Chelsey and Emily, asking how I was and saying that Jay was drinking like crazy over at Aron’s. They asked if I wanted to hang out, but I declined. I was going to stay at home and finish getting everything together and cleaned up. I was picking up loose items in the closet, and noticed a pink and green book sticking out of the top shelf with my shoe boxes on it. I grabbed it down, realizing that it was from our high school to my college days. Inside were pictures of the guys and me, doing everything we had ever dreamed of.
I smiled and opened up the first page, looking at the pictures.